Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bliadhna Mhath Ùr

Last year I was Twisting in My Sobriety.

This year..... well I have some tough decisions to make.

Those working tonight - stay safe.

Those not, and all the other Toy Town™ Teamsters, have a blast. I'm gonna!

All the best to one and all for 2010.

Slàinte Mhath!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Season of Ill Will

In reference to my last post;

Was I right or was I wrong?

Let's just say my overtime claim forms were piling up.

Thank the Lord that I am off over Mahogany or otherwise Toy Town
Constabulary would be bankrupt what with my Jonah stylee luck!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Boxing Day

Christmas is over for another year and it's early turn for me in the area of Toy Town™ that is euphemistically referred to as 'Domesticville'.

Two things struck me (sic) about policing 'Boxing Day':

Firstly, the name derives from the tradition of giving seasonal gifts, on the day after Christmas, to less wealthy people and social inferiors.

Secondly, the portentous nature of the naming of the day.

Here's a tip for quarrelsome significant others; try the latter and in the spirit of giving I can offer you an en-suite room with no view, because knowing my customer base, I have a feeling I'm going to be a very generous innkeeper.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, December 25, 2009

Save a Prayer

Season's Greetings one and all.

I ask you to save a prayer today for this remarkable lady.

While you are at it, spare a thought for my colleagues who are out at the coalface today. Stay safe.

Finally, when you are surrounded by the warmth of your family and friends today, and those of you who might consider saying Grace, cast your minds towards those who are far away on the real front line fighting for us.

.... and yes, cast a thought on what this day is really about celebrating.

Now playing: Duran Duran - Save a Prayer
via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

I'd like to move it

I'd like to, but my back has given in and I'm off work!

Anyway, it's an excuse to post mair xmas lichties!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

Counting the Cost

Credit where credit is due to the Beeb tonight as their correspondent rightly said the damage and disruption caused by the floods pailed into insignificance after the sad news of the death of PC Bill Barker.

I posted back in early September about local flooding and it has been persisting it down virtually non-stop since, but not once did I stop to think that that might be the ultimate peril.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sunday, November 15, 2009

It's oh so quiet

It's been quiet, both here on Toy Town
and with the necessary pressure needed to be kept up on the regime in Burma.

It took a while, but up steps the knight in shining armour (or as he would have it - armor).

Will it help?

Probably not, but it's better than the silence of late.

As for me and the gang; home renovations have taken their toll on my time available to contribute to the blogosphere. Unfortunately, Mr Dulux continues to call!

Back soon.

Now playing: Björk - It's Oh So Quiet via FoxyTunes

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Noddy's Noble Prize

It's Prize week.

Crimestoppers have been on the local agenda this week and in my own fashion of promoting their good work, here is a gent whose actions also require genuine acknowledgement and he has nothing to be humble about.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Spare any change?

Manifesto Message from 'the Opposition'.

How to win friends and influence people.

Oh Goody! I feel so valued.

Note to self - sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but then being the lowest form of worker as a public servant........

Barrack Obama coined (sic) the phrase, "Change we need". I'm thinking there isn't even small change offered by our Politicos.

I was going to byline the post, "Spare any change, Guvnor", but with policies like this, I don't hold out much hope for Dod's chances at being a governor. Jacqui Spliff's double deal to our southern colleagues seems quite profligate in comparison.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Crisis? What Crisis?

Just a week ago, doom and gloom had apparently struck the Bridge.

Well that's Ancelotti's Aces top again and for a wee while too as the Internationals sort themselves out.

Should give Fergie time to cool off.

Now playing: Supertramp - Easy Does It
via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Who is the Nanny?

For a wee while now I have been occasionally bleeterin' on about certain ales.

I am fair chuffed with this response from a local micro-brewery.

Which leads nicely onto this nonsense.

I recall a time when a certain 'co-operative' consisting of a Copper, a Nurse, a G.P. and a Social Worker helped each other out with childcare. Funnily enough, despite all that, all the weans appear to be well-adjusted.

p.s. Hat tip to the Loon for both links.

p.p.s. An Update.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Bullet Proof Policing

Sorry, but this doesn't look like it to me.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 3

Time for a skirl fae the loon o'er the happenings up in yon pairts.

First off there's little 'n' large. Go on guess which one interests me more? Staying on topic, this is just plain daft. Where on earth are you going to get a Scotsman to pay 10K for a comparatively wee bottle? As it happens, Glenfiddich is one of the few drams I would turn down anyway. Not for me, even if I had a hotline to Derren Brown. However, this does interest me.

Meanwhile a local brewery has a novel approach to helping tackle the country's binge-drinking culture.

Linking on the theme of alcohol, I liked this crumbly's honesty.

Conversely, as an antedote, the following story jumped out at me and in my best Sun headline mode I decided on: Little Toads!

Apparently, Sir Terry Wogan has said, "I can't go back to Toy Town
™." As folk up here would say, "You big Jessie."

It's now official, a heap of money has been lost in translation. Teaching English is not going to help when our visitors are confronted with the Doric!

..... and finally a word or two about our apparently shrinking ovine friends.

I started off this post whining about being fleeced, but there is only one winner in that category, especially as our roasting hot summer has done for a predecessor.


© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Different Thinking

I bump my gums periodically about all things related to Autism.

For a while I've been following Gary McKinnon's plight, so much so that I've started a sidebar widget just for him, so check it out.

I weep at the ignorance and intolerance in society, but I rejoice at the likes of this individual.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


The little world of Toytowner's most 'famous' inhabitant has been in upheaval and continues to be so. As such I've had little time to update the blog, but here goes with some catch up.

This decision passed with a worldwide whisper once again!

It seems Mrs 'T' was not always a Unionist - well we knew that this side of our border!

I found this article from the Beeb professionally amusing if only for the completely non-diverse nature of the report. Easy now, having a dig at Poles and the Irish all in one article - naughty Auntie.

Some folk will make any excuse for taking a dram.

Certain constituents know just where they are not going to put their 'Y' at the next election.

The nanny state continues unabated with such classics (sic) as this. Keeping on the food tack, this is genuinely more worrying, if of no great surprise.

Equally I worried a bit about the degeneration in what used to be the pillars of society when I read this blurb. Role models? Perhaps they should look no further than the impressive Eddie Izzard.

Finally, for all acrophobics out there this made me wibble and wobble.

© Nod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sorry, say that again.

The trouble with going on holiday to the barren wetlands is that you miss some press cuttings.

Having said that, this did not come as NEWS to me.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Sticky End?

... and here's a tip for all Ecomentalists (to quote Clarkson).

Dried treacle, clothes and body hair form a tough bond, especially when the Polis try to search you!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


Big night ahead and guess who is late shift?

Nuff said.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, September 04, 2009


Intelligence received on 04/09/2009 provides that some 'motorists' think they are invincible.

Despite the presence of the Polis at this flash flood, some 'drivers' still decided they could forge on through the sypit streets.


Fireman Sam was busy rescuing them all over the place.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Toytown Tartanistas

Apparently Richard Littlejohn (sic) doesn't agree with the tone of my previous post.

I quote from the Daily Wail
(with comments from me appended thus);

"Gordon Brown's yellow streak is the width of the Yangtze river

Two years ago, almost to the day, a sheep sneezed in Scotland. Twenty minutes later, Gordon Brown was on every television channel in full Commander-in-Chief mode.

He was going to be tough on sheep and tough on the causes of sheep (Gadget's got that in hand). We could sleep soundly in our beds.

The next day, it rained. Pausing only to discard his knotted hanky and off-duty Harris Tweed beach jacket, Gordon helicoptered back to London to convene an emergency meeting of Cobra in a bunker deep under Downing Street. Holidays are for wimps.

And lo, it came to pass, the flood waters subsided. Not since Moses had there been a more crucial intervention.

The BBC and the boys in the bubble went wild, hurling their knickers on stage. How lucky we were to be led by a man of such towering, Churchillian greatness.

No more lies, no more evasion, no more spin, no more stunts. Just firm, decisive action. Not Flash, just Gordon.

In those heady days of summer 2007, no crisis was too small to warrant the personal attention of the new Prime Minister.

If you'd found a spider in your bath, one phone call to Downing Street and Gordon would be there with his big clunking fist, Sky News crew in hot pursuit.

Two years on and it's a different story. The father of the nation has done his trademark disappearing act.

While the civilised (?) world recoils in disgust from the early release of the only man convicted of the worst ever terrorist atrocity on British soil, Gordon is nowhere to be found.

As Toytown Tartanistas strut the stage, the Prime Minister is hiding behind the sofa.

The man who wrote a letter of condolence after John Terry missed a penalty (Now, you really are winding me up), and found the time to ring Piers Morgan to inquire about the mental health of a contestant on a television freak show, apparently has no opinion whatsoever on the greatest single rift between Britain and the United States of America since the Boston Tea Party. (Being a tad late showing up for WW1 and WW2 might rank a wee bit higher).

His new best friend, President Obama, is spitting feathers. He has interrupted his own vacation on Martha's Vineyard to condemn this outrageous affront to justice.

But the man ultimately responsible for this humiliating debacle is remaining resolutely schtum.

We used to have a labrador who behaved like Gordon. Whenever he broke wind, he'd look away in the misguided belief that if he couldn't see you, you couldn't see him and the source of the foul smell enveloping the living room would remain a mystery.

Be in no doubt that despite his desperation to pass the buck, Gordon Brown is up to his neck in the decision to release the Lockerbie bomber.

Six weeks ago, he wrote a 'Dear Muammar' letter to the Libyan leader asking him not to make a song and dance about the homecoming of Abdelbaset Ali Mohamed Al Megrahi and wishing him a Happy Ramadan.

Gordon was perfectly well aware that the falafel was about to hit the fan. Megrahi's release had formed an integral part of every recent trade and diplomatic negotiation with Gaddafi.

Little Alex Salmond may be basking in vainglorious mischief, but the daisy chain of duplicity and deceit leads right back to Downing Street and the treacherous triumvirate of Brown, Blair and Mandelson.

Salmond is a bit-part player in this dark farce, the political equivalent of Ally MacLeod, the football manager who led Scotland to hilarious ignominy in the 1978 World Cup. (At least we were there!)

Six weeks ago, Gordon Brown wrote to Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi asking for a low-key response to Megrahi's homecoming.

When I watched the Saltire being waved alongside the Libyan flag as Megrahi arrived back on home soil, I was reminded of the victory parade MacLeod staged in front of 25,000 delirious fans at Hampden Park before his squad had even boarded the plane to Argentina:

We're on the road with Alex's army, We're all going to Tripoli!

In the event, Scotland were stuffed by Peru, just as Salmond has been kippered by Libya, whatever he might kid himself.

The subplots swirling around this squalid affair, such as whether or not Megrahi is actually guilty, are all academic.

Of course he wasn't the mastermind, any more than the bloke who bought the rucksacks for the London Transport bombers was their Mr Big. But he was convicted in a British court of law
(Wrong again - Scottish Court under Scots Law sitting in Holland) and, cancer or no cancer, letting him out after eight years is, as Mandelson would say, 'offensive' to those who died and their families.

None of this is of any consequence to the main actors in this demeaning, disgusting drama. They live in their own squalid soap opera, while the rest of us can for now only either watch with horror or avert our eyes.

In their amoral universe, there is little difference between theatrically letting Jade Goody's boyfriend out of prison for his stag night and freeing a convicted terrorist involved in the murder of 270 innocent civilians.

It's all a game to these cynics. Surely, say the sophisticates, Gordon wouldn't have gone along with this simply because he thought it would damage the SNP at the next General Election.

That's precisely why he would have gone along with it. Every decision he ever takes is predicated upon what it can do for him personally and how much damage it will inflict on his political opponents. And to hell with the consequences.

Despite the preening world statesman posturing, Gordon is as much of a petty, point-scoring, partisan pygmy as the puffed-up playground posers in the SNP. (An abundance of aimless and absurd alliteration).

His stony silence is almost eloquent, serving both to insult our intelligence and remind us of the yellow streak the width of the Yangtze which passes for his backbone.

Imagine how this looks from the American end of the kaleidoscope. They had asked for Megrahi to be tried in Scotland because they believed in British (?) justice. Now they've discovered what a sick joke modern British justice (Scots Law is ancient - muppet) really is.

And consider what our front-line soldiers, many from Scottish regiments and sent to risk their lives fighting terrorism alongside the Americans in Afghanistan, must make of this shameful decision to show 'compassion' to a man convicted of this country's worst-ever terrorist attack.

Makes you proud to be British."

Want my opinion Dick?

Hate is an inevitably unrewarding state of mind......

....and frankly the decision based purely on OUR law, and not transitory but understandable feelings, made me proud to be Scottish.


He missed out on mentioning, during his bizarre anti everything Scottish rant, the 6th greatest goal of all time.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, August 24, 2009


In all the hoo-hah about the Lockerbie Bomber I refer you to this article, which I suggest says it all, well almost, 'cos I have a couple of points to make.

Firstly, surely the decision to release Megrahi shows that 'we' have an understanding of compassion, which is more than can be said for him and those who undoubtedly masterminded his evil deed.

Secondly, as the much maligned MacAskill should have said, Megrahi has a higher power to face on his soon to be judgement day, rather than a punishment that had been meted out on him in the way of Cancer. I'm definitely uneasy with this view of the supernatural bestowing upon a ne'er do well this hideous disease and the bitter taste this will have upon other Cancer sufferers and those who have had beloved ones fall to it.

Finally, my thoughts are with those who died on the day and their families and friends.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

If you feel your life is in a rut.....

.....things could be worse!

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, July 17, 2009


Fit like abidy?

A pucklie o' folk hae noticed that yon loon his nae bin postin syne a whiley.

Sum hiv even bin emailin the loon affa concerned for his wellbeing.

It's affa hertnin ta ken yon folk are wundrin fit's a dae wi the loon.

A hannae been nobbled rest assured.
Weel that's wis aywiz aricht be'en as I'd bin intae hae ma bell rung a guid whiley syne.

So 'en fit's kept me away fae yon blogging.

To be honest a dah ken, but things round these pairts hae bin busy wi' daen naithin special really, but yon blog juices hid bin running dry and ither things hid bin mair important.

Onywiy, A'm sure you're a' champin at the bit tae ken fit the wee photee is a' aboot. Weel 'at's far the Toytowners are aff tae this weekend for their hols and to chill off. Nae doot it'll be drookit o'er on yon west coast, bit there's iywiz the uisge beatha and the leann!


Fan the Toytowners get back, there will be plenty for Noddy & Mr Plod to bleeter on aboot. It will be like a feast eftir a famine. A proverbial Phoenix...

And as a wee teaser I'll tell ye a' aboot fit A've bin up to. Here's een clue fit A wis daen fan een o' they bunch of colonials were celebratin' some kind o' Independence Day...

As a certain Mr Frey said, "We were around when the Dead Sea was just sick."

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, May 21, 2009

School's out

There are some obvious reasons why Toy Town's Cooncil are somewhat penniless.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Monday, May 18, 2009


A few days ago I received an email update from the Burma Campaign as follows:

Dear friend

We are deeply worried by the news that Aung San Suu Kyi is to face trial on Monday. Aung San Suu Kyi was arrested yesterday and is now being held in Insein Prison, a prison notorious for its terrible conditions and horrific treatment of prisoners. Political prisoners in Burma are routinely subjected to torture and often denied medical treatment. We are very concerned for Aung San Suu Kyi’s health in these conditions, particularly as she was seriously ill last week, but denied medical care by the regime.

Aung San Suu Kyi will face trial for supposedly violating the terms of her house arrest, after an American man swam uninvited to her house and refused to leave. She faces a prison sentence of between three and five years.

Now more than ever Aung San Suu Kyi needs our help. Over the past 24 hours politicians, and celebrities across the world have demanded her release. Over 8,000 of our supporters have emailed UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon and ASEAN leaders calling for immediate action to secure the release of Aung San Suu Kyi.



On Monday 18th May, there will be a global day of action for Aung San Suu Kyi. We will hold a demonstration between 12 and 1pm in front of the Burmese Embassy in London to demand the release of Aung San Suu Kyi and all of Burma’s political prisoners. Please come and show your support. Find out more here. If you are not in the UK, contact your local Burma Campaign here. (Just don't berate the poor Bobbies there to keep the peace - some of us do support the cause ~ ed.)


If you can’t join the demonstration, then please help us at this crucial time by making a donation. Supporting us is one of the most effective ways of supporting the struggle to free Burma. You can donate online here.

Aung San Suu Kyi has been detained for more than 13 years just for peacefully calling for freedom and democracy. She urgently needs our help or she faces spending the rest of her life in prison.

Please make a donation today to support our important work.
Thank you for your continued support.

Anna Roberts
Burma Campaign UK

Today, apparently an
undercover BBC correspondent in Myanmar has reported that, "People here are very angry."


© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Facebook is racist

Vaguely nationalistic Scottish users of Facebook have long been annoyed that there is no location option for Scottish towns and cities to be identified as in Scotland rather than the United Kingdom.

Unionists will have been OK with that, but Facebook have caused a right stooshie in God's own country as now any Scottish (and I'm led to believe Welsh) city or town is now listed as being in England.

Our American cousins often mistakenly call Great Britain, England, so it is to be expected.......

......... or has Gordon Broon (far are ye fae loon?) sold us off to the south to pay for Westminster's bathplugs and swimming pool repairs?

© MacNoddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Poor Pieman

Only a Dundonian could complain aboot the cost of pehs.

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, May 09, 2009


This has nothing to do with Top Ten crimes etc, but reveals the wonderful world of Karen Matthews' thought processes.

Isn't it heart-warming to know she's loved up again.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

I'll drink to that!

A while back I wrote about problems with funding a local alcohol support service.

I am genuinely glad to hear that the funding has been further supported.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Anyone spot this on a front page?

Cop mowed down by balaclava wearing Scooby driver. Yawn.


Get well soon David.

H/T to the Pink Quine for spotting it in the depths of rural news from south of the border, but on a lighter note she found a cracker from our colleagues in Denmark which surpasses even the flip flops farce.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, May 01, 2009

What a May Day

Be it Facebook, Twitter or the meeja, abidy is bleetering on aboot and fair chuffed 'at they're ha'en a lang weekend aff. Not for me and yon yins in the Emergency Services.

Enjoy, but be nice, please!

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Shake ups

Apparently, I was looking a little dated and I have been revamped for the digital age. I was particularly pleased to hear that "Noddy will also have some new vehicles at his disposal - including a helicopter and a monster truck - to help him get around Toy Town."

The Torygraph goes further and tells me that I will "
get to have a few adventures down by the harbour." Anyone who lives in Toy Town™ will know that ain't exactly somewhere I should be adventuring. I'm apparently in line for a submarine too. I know it is alleged to be damp round these parts, but that is taking the p....

Meanwhile, Mr Plod drew this latest result of HMG brainstorming to my attention. He told me a little wee came out when he read it (it's an age thing), especially when he heard Liberty were endorsing it. He also suspects there may well be a little public disappointment at the sentencing.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Too many sherries

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Red alert

It is a well known fact that Scotland has the highest proportion of red haired individuals in the world.

But, be warned. Calling them anything other than strawberry blonde may result in hate crime procedures and anti-discriminatory action.

Having read (sic) the article, I wonder if there might not have been another meaning to the Twitter comments and that might explain the suspension.

And, as a warning, my Central Belt cousins had better come up with a new name for fizzy pop.

Is no one allowed to tease any more?

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, April 18, 2009

True Guardian

I had been keeping my powder dry before launching a vicious assault upon the unbalanced, intemperate, prejudicial, trial by meeja, agenda based, G20 'reporting' by what used to be a respected if badly typo graphed newspaper.

Whilst not wishing to jump on the bandwagon and point out that some folk, with the aforementioned agendas, do not even mention this tragic event at all on their front page - strange that....not, I am genuinely appalled at the general apathy shown towards this matter by all of the media outlets. There are times (sic) when you begin to wonder whether it is all worth it.

So to redress the balance, here's the headline.


Even our Home Secretary cannot bring herself to pass on any form of personal regret or condolence. Sky did manage to be one of the few media outlets to include this somewhat dismissive quote.....

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said: "Such events highlight the dangers that police officers face every day on the frontline protecting the public."

Now to my editorial notes.....

Like I said, I was keeping my powder dry until the IPCC did its job regarding the various incidents down south, but the camel's back finally broke when a) the media ignored Gary's death b) Sky News jumped onto the Grauniad's bandwagon of intemperate, misleading and unchallenged language in its reporting.

Once upon a time, I took a degree in Politics and Economics. Once upon a time I considered a career as a Journalist. Then I grew up and joined the real world, where actions speak louder than words.

However, my tertiary education wasn't entirely wasted, because one of the fundamental attributes of any scholar should be the ability to analyse impartially any evidence provided to support a case or proposition.

I have been monitoring closely the Grauniad's selective reporting over the G20 matters. It is abundantly clear that they have an Agenda and all their reporting is fixated on 'spinning' their line. There is no impartiality at all and, as such, any support that they may have wished to engender in respect of questioning the Police tactics and role in keeping the peace at such demonstrations, is lost. Any valid points they may have made are now lost in poorly disguised vitriol.

Let's look at the FACTS.

Ian Tomlinson died. Tragedy, for his family and friends.

First PM without the benefit of hindsight and information re 'contact' with Police suggests a heart attack.

Grauniad obtains 'impartial' witness evidence and video of Police 'contact' with Mr Tomlinson. After making hay with same, passes same to IPCC.

Second PM, with hindsight, finds internal bleeding the prime cause of death.

Now, let's look at the possibilities.....

The second PM has, as far as I'm aware, not suggested any cause for the mass bleed.

There was considerable 'contact' with Mr Tomlinson before his death, not all of it reported by the Grauniad. One might be cynical and suggest that this didn't quite fit the 'just walking home' role in the events, so let's just gloss over that shall we.

The family's lawyer has described the videod contact with the TSG officer as follows;

Jules Carey, the lawyer acting for Tomlinson's family, said: "The video footage of the unprovoked and vicious assault on Ian by the police officer would easily justify charges of assault being brought against the officer. The findings of Dr Nat Cary significantly increase the likelihood that the officer will now face the more serious charge of manslaughter."

Is it just me, but how come this lawyer can use the adjectives 'unprovoked' and 'vicious' before the result of the IPCC investigation is published? Similarly, the inflammatory use of 'easily justify charges of assault' is a case of suggesting guilt before the presumption of innocence.

Later in the same article we are advised that there was;

Immediate reaction from politicians to the second postmortem result with demands that the inquiry be pursued as a matter of urgency. Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman, described it as an "alarming finding". He added: "It suggests that Mr Tomlinson's treatment by the police officer caught on video may have been the final contributing factor in his death. These findings put further pressure on the IPCC to investigate this matter with all urgency." Boris Johnson, the London mayor and chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority, urged the IPCC to be open and quick. "There must now be a fast and transparent conclusion to the IPCC investigation, with the full and urgent cooperation of all involved," he said. "It is vital that everyone takes care not to prejudice either the ongoing IPCC investigation or indeed any future criminal proceedings that may arise. "The Met receive and deserve the overwhelming support of the people of London, but the family of Ian Tomlinson need answers and so do Londoners."

I'm not surprised in the choice of Politicians sought to spout on behalf of the Grauniad and Mr Huhne has an amazing medical and pathology knowledge if he can extrapolate that the last 'contact' can be considered the
'final contributing factor' in Mr Tomlinson's death.

Having said that, Boris gets it spot on for a change!
"It is vital that everyone takes care not to prejudice either the ongoing IPCC investigation or indeed any future criminal proceedings that may arise." Couldn't have put it better myself.

Meanwhile over at Sky........

.........Exaggeration is rife.

Oh, and am I being cynical when the term animal rights supporter pops up and I think... no job then to describe yourself by then, eh?

I was tickled by her being upset that a horrible man thing attacked her ladyship though! Does she not know we are totally diverse today when we chose who to thrash the living daylights out of.

All this goes to show is don't believe everything you read in the media and more importantly read between the lines!

Indeed, if the Police do not get any form of reassurance in situations like these that their often thankless job entails difficult split second decisions and reactive action, then those lines may just head off home, because any action seems to meet with an unequal reaction thereafter.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Times are Hard

Once upon a time your city worker would be waving his wadge of multiple sterling notes. Nowadays, it seems all that can be afforded is a tenner.

To quote - "City workers leaned out of windows and waved £10 notes at demonstrators on the streets below, who responded with jeers and shouts."

While I'm on the subject, here's a positive note from the same article -

Sky News security expert Crispin Black said he was very impressed with the way police had defused the situation by refusing to rise to provocation.

"I think the police have been very skilled," he said.

"The way they moved people away from the RBS branch was very clever, and the way the temperature has cooled down there is testament to their skill."

I will be keeping tabs on the happenings down south.

To my colleagues in the Smoke, stay safe and wear a hard hat!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

News Roundup

April Fool's day came early to Toy Town™ as the local Hazmat incident team swung into full farce.

If weeds could read, they would be killing themselves laughing.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bottoms Up.

Some time ago, well actually over three years ago, I posted this.

It was my turn recently to reach the wrong side of the half-century.

I was the lucky recipient of a new all singing and dancing laptop (had to be very careful not to spoonerise that one) since my desktop has been upgraded to the max after it was bought in 2000. I also received a fair few bottles of uisge-beatha. I am amazed how folk know what to buy me!

Whilst out for a meal to commiserate with friends (I hired a telephone kiosk), I was advised by one of the assembled crumblies that I was to wait with trepidation for a wee parcel from the Health Board now that I was officially reognised as old and decrepit and apparently therefore a coffin dodger. I was given the heads up in respect of the fact that I would receive a poop collection kit for my good self to send a sample off to check my bowels, colon and other unmentionables were not suddenly collapsing or riddled with some awful disease now that I had reached THAT age.

Now let me assure you that reaching ....... it's still hard to say it...... 'L' will do ...... is painful enough without indeed receiving said kit a mere 3 days after my birthday. Can't they give us a period of grace?

Just to show how grateful I am, I will wait till my effluent is at its most pungent and then despatch it to those who have a really good jobbie! That'll learn 'em.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times


What with all sorts getting their media free of charge lately I thought I'd be of public service.

Don't know if you've discovered SPOTIFY.

Try it and see why I'm hooked.

If you want to lug in to the sharn I listen to you can click here once you have the software downloaded.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, March 26, 2009


200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

New Charity

I need £300 sharpish.

Any donors out there?

Goodwinner and McNumpty, you have some spare cash I believe.

p.s. I cautioned myself against references to a nip as this might have been considered non-diverse.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times


Those of you who make it to the bottom of my front page (so that would be no-one - ed.) will see that I post a link to the ever wonderful Being 5 comic strip.

Those of you old enough to appreciate the targeted wit involved in this treatise on the generation gap will also grasp the reference to one of Alf Garnett's catchphrases I have utilised as the post header.

The latest strip rightly deserves a top billing.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Porridge and Pron

Times are hard for the residents within the establishments of the SPS.

It seems the incarcerated are to have their individual rights subordinated to the greater rights of the possibly offended.

It will be interesting to see if hard core pron will now make it onto the list of contraband regularly smuggled into pokey.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Revenue streams?

Despite the instructions in my previous post on hyperbole, here is a fine example of partnership working in Toyland™.

In visionary mode I would happily, for two grand, construct a cludgie in my backie, thus pooling resources and capacity building.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, March 20, 2009


This was inevitable!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

To be serious for a moment

Occasionally I post about matters relating to autism.

Occasionally I come across a genuinely well written, sober, thought provoking article.

This article speaks for itself, which is more than can be said for Sky.

For more on this read here.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Burns Night in Buckie

Locals would hardly describe Buckie as a hot spot, but one local hostelry is doing its level best to offer customers a little extra.

I particularly liked the locals name for the establishment. Hardly inspiring. Perhaps the landlord would be better off dimming the lights completely.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's a Shame I work in Toytown, because.....

......Toyland, far I bide, has topped the list of rural places with the best quality of life in Scotland – for the second year running.

And in the whole of the UK, Toyland also comes in second place.

With a high life expectancy, low unemployment rates and great weather*, Toyland shot to the top of the quality of life rankings.

And Toyland residents agree with the Bank of Scotland survey which looks at all aspects of life from traffic flow to crime statistics.

Lynda Forrest, from Banchory’s sweet and ice-cream shop Continental Cream, was born and brought up in the area – and loves it!

The 49-year-old, who lives in Crathes, said: “Living in the countryside is relaxing with a great quality of life. It is a great place for work and leisure The only drawback is that with people wanting to live here, it is expensive.”

The Bank of Scotland survey confirmed house prices were high compared to the rest of the country.

The survey also named Toyland as top spot last year.

To celebrate, the Evening Express handed out Smile, You’re In Toyland stickers.

The campaign was backed by Donald Trump who chose Balmedie for his new world-class golf resort.

The only place that beat Toyland in the quality of life ratings in the whole of the UK was Monmouthshire in Wales.

Must be something to do with the sheep.

* - great weather? I beg to disagree!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times