Spare any change?

Manifesto Message from 'the Opposition'.

How to win friends and influence people.

Oh Goody! I feel so valued.

Note to self - sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but then being the lowest form of worker as a public servant........

Barrack Obama coined (sic) the phrase, "Change we need". I'm thinking there isn't even small change offered by our Politicos.

I was going to byline the post, "Spare any change, Guvnor", but with policies like this, I don't hold out much hope for Dod's chances at being a governor. Jacqui Spliff's double deal to our southern colleagues seems quite profligate in comparison.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Treading water

It appears we are off to arbitration again as the PNB talks have broken down.

But then again we are not a special case (and Fido deserves a wee bit of recognition too) are we?

Just a thought, upon which government will the arbitrators be 'suggesting' their pay settlement figure?

Sink or swim?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

.... and finally

Another day out in the Smoke beckons for the other boys in blue.

As a conscientious recycler I have a suggestion; there might just be another use for all those white baseball caps for the opposition. Just add a wee embroidered 'Carling Cup 2008 - Runners Up' and there you go.

You've got to the 24th of February to get them sold on Ebay.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

I've got the donut stall franchise

Later today the largest congregation of Police Officers since G8 2005* will assemble in the Smoke.

If the sight of that many Polis in one place doesn't cause immediate shock to all and sundry, then nothing else will.

I can hear the locals at Westminster saying, "When you want a Policeman you can't get one and when you don't, look what happens."

I know there will be support from some of our loons and quines despite our wee success in being granted the full arbitrated amount. Me, I'm working, but I wish all on the march well and hopefully Ms Spliff will come to her senses and allow the regulars in England, Wales and Northern Ireland what is morally and rightfully theirs. It amazes me that she has 'allowed' PCSO's and support staff the full 'whack', although greetin' about it. Oh, hang on, they have a Union.

Watch this space though!

Oh aye, check the Scottish buses for 'carry oots' before you let them out on the streets of London please - we wouldn't want a richt clamjamfry of Polis next to yon ither clamjamfry of jokers at the Home Office. Ca Cannie folk.

* - Were you there? I was.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Christmas Crackers

First off congratulations must go to Toy Town™ FC for their exceptional result last night in the UEFA cup. The Dandies have now drawn a cracker against Bayern Muenchen.

Regular readers know I'm really a fan of the Blues, but I was there at Pittodrie in 1983 when the Dons, en route to winning the European Cup Winners Cup, embarrassed the German Meisters. Wonder if I will be working on Valentine's Day?

Secondly, I'm about to delve into the myriad of mumbo jumbo and mystification over the Xmas celebrations.

Many have posted over the place of a Christian celebration in our diverse and multi-cultural society. Let's get one thing straight. Xmas has little to do with Christ and let's stop pretending otherwise. In other words, why do we insist on the use of His name in the moniker for what is essentially a pagan winter holiday aggravated by the pavlovian devotion to greed and excess typified by modern secular society.

In my brave new world we would continue to recognise the birth of Christ by maintaining the education and interaction children get at skool with nativity shows and the like, but we would weigh this against the need to celebrate Easter as the truly significant time for Christians.

I could ask you to consider the devout and essentially pure stance taken by some of our local Presbyterians at this time. Surprised? Personally, I prefer this tale. It about sums up my view perfectly. So go on enjoy the festivities! Only spare some time and contemplation for your Maker. If you don't, this could happen to your weans.


Meanwhile, at your local Primary Skool, it's just as well the new security system doesn't listen in as well as talk to the kidz.

Did I mention I was now on my Yuletide / Festive / Seasonal / Winter Holiday (a.k.a. Annual Leave) till the third day of next year and that I have got my SPP and full 2.5%?

I'm off to drink mucho whisky and beer. Will think of you as I do.

Finally, does anyone know how much a Wii weighs?


© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Xmas Message

This year, as every year, the country's Police Officers patiently, nay excitably, await the Home Secretary's seasonal message and veritable morale booster.

Only this year the reception may be as cold as the weather and one or two might receive the missive with the attention and respect shown in the photo attached.

Meanwhile, my good friend Noddy has also read the letter from Ms Spliff to Alistair Dearest and is a tad scunnered on behalf of his friends down south and not exactly full of seasonal goodwill towards double-dealing politicians exhibiting crass double standards.


On a positive note, Mr Plod reports that he has the entire Festive Season off on leave and he WILL be in receipt of the massive pay rise!

So from Toy Town™ at least it's Nollaig Cridheal 's Bliadhna Mhath ùr to you and yours.

Keep safe.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

New Federation Rep?

"If you see a police officer under attack you have got to step in, it's your civic duty to stand up and take on the culprit." - John Smeaton.

Are you busy just now Smeato?

I know some folk who might just need your help again.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Ho Ho Ho

Festive Greetings to you and yours Ms Spliff.

On behalf of my English & Welsh colleagues, go choke on your toke and may your stockings be as empty as your promises.


© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Divide and Rule

Just a few days ago I welcomed you all to our wee nation.

Well I have the feeling a few of my colleagues down south might just be thinking of coming up to these pairts permanently!

Strictly speaking I'm prohibited from espousing any Political views, but there's nothing wrong with making a political observation based on factual events, so here I go.

Since the leak in The Telegraph regarding Ms Spliff's reneging on the PAT decision, there has been some indignation amongst the rank and file south of the border. Cannot blame you guys to be honest.

Meanwhile the SNP, in the form of Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill, have honoured (and I use that word with just regard and respect for this Politician's decision) the agreement in Scotland.

Ms Spliff must be a tad miffed the Scottish Executive did not just roll over and agree to the UK Government position as hoped for in her letter to the scots Chancellor.

The SNP, however, must have been rubbing their hands with glee this morning when they had the opportunity to a) stick one right up Labour north of the border and 2) shove another wedge in the cracks in the Union and in their drive for Independence by highlighting the differences north and south of the border.

Personally, I'm glad OUR government had the decency to accept the 'award', pitiful though some might have regarded it in the first place.

For those down south, I wish you well with the double-dealers at the Home Office. Other public servants beware! OK that is political, but have you read that letter?

Finally, let's just compare notes.

Kenny MacAskill: "It's for the UK Government to settle with their police officers and the Scottish Government to settle with our police officers. All I'm saying is that we believe when you enter into an arbitration scheme, if it comes out with something then unless there's good reason you should implement it."

Joe Grant - Scottish Police Federation: "What it has done is restore a bit of trust and faith in the negotiating process here in Scotland that doesn't exist elsewhere in the UK."

Jacqui Spliff: "I am accepting their (PAT) recommendation for a 2.5% increase to the pay of police officers. However, I also have a responsibility to ensure pay settlements are affordable and consistent with government pay policy, including the maintenance of low inflation. I have therefore decided that the award should be implemented on 1 December, rather than 1 September."

Jan Berry - Police Federation (England & Wales): "This is contemptuous behaviour by the Home Secretary and has rightly angered the 140,000 police officers in England and Wales who have been waiting patiently for their pay award since 1 September. Police officers should either have full industrial rights or independent binding arbitration - currently we have neither."

Notice the difference?

2.5% may not be as much as we would have liked, but at least we can enter arbitration next year knowing it is morally binding north of the border..... or should that be north of the DIVIDE!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

A timely reminder

Just click here for a good reason why the polis deserve their 3%.

About time too!

It took time, but the 3% pay rise for Police Officers has been accepted.

However, it is noted that Mr Reid wants to examine the indexing agreement.

So look out for a new pay structure for 2007 linked to performance and compliancy. You heard it here first.

p.s. The polis need this dosh for all those burgers and doughnuts we eat whilst we do feck all - not.

Striking Forces?

The ever wonderful spdk blog from our Police colleagues in Mangalore ran this blog entry about problems they are having as described here. I am interested to know what "striking forces" are? Not getting their 3% either?

Response?

Please have a look at this article in the Police Federation (England and Wales) Magazine.

It is an 'official' account of various views of response policing and then ask WHY are the Police having to fight for a 3% pay increase.