Sunday, August 26, 2007

Damn Derby

I wasn't going to mention last weekend's derby match, until the Rams spoiled the look of the league table tonight.

1 Chelsea 4 3 10
2 Man City 4 3 9
3 Wigan 4 3 7
4 Liverpool 3 3 7

5 Everton 4 2 7
6 Arsenal 3 2 7

7 Portsmouth 4 1 5
8 Blackburn 3 1 5
9 Newcastle 2 2 4
10 Aston Villa 3 0 4
11 Birmingham 4 -1 4
12 West Ham 3 -1 4
13 Reading 4 -3 4
14 Sunderland 4 -4 4
15 Tottenham 3 1 3
16 Middlesbrough 3 -1 3
17 Bolton 4 -2 3

18 Fulham 4 -2 3
19 Man Utd 3 -1 2
20 Derby 4 -6 1

What with loss of Shrek and his friend, is it too early to wish the Manks a nice time in the Championship?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, August 24, 2007

Too Young

Okay, so there's been a lot of stories and debate of late in respect of our yoof, whether it be young community cops, mind boggling shootings involving kids etc.

I thought it was high time to bring to your attention the somewhat bizarre anomalies in current, admittedly Scottish, Law in respect to minimum/maximum age.

In no particular order of significance;

  • Over 7 - Legally responsible
  • 16 - Marriage
  • 16 - Drink alcohol (except spirits) with a meal at a restaurant or lounge bar/hotel
  • 16 - Buy cigarettes
  • 16 - Have sex
  • 16 - Drive a moped
  • 17 - Drive a car
  • 18 - Drink spirits and purchase from off-sales
  • 18 - Watch R rated film
  • 18(1/2) - Join the Polis

I have also started a Poll on my side bar in respect to the most appropriate minimum age YOU think is correct for Police Officers and for that matter PCSOs (England/Wales/N.Ireland) or Community and Neighbourhood Wardens (Scotland).

Please participate. It's a good cause.

Update - October 2007 - Fags are now 18.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Cot Fuzz

This is ridiculous.

And you thought I was only kidding.

Still, they've got the hiviz kit so that should have Al-Qaida quivering.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, August 23, 2007

All Along the Watchtower ....

.... there are a lot of damaged weans. Kingdom Hell that's what I'd call it.

Michael Porter commits 24 sex abuses on kids over a sustained period of fourteen years and 'gets off' with a 3 year community rehabilitation order, because he's a changed man. Certainly changed 13 unlucky kids' lives. Kids aren't having a good time of it lately and what signal does this give out?

Most damning was his own sister's verdict. Shame she wasn't on the bench.

Personally, I reckon he should have been locked up till he walks with the aid of zimmer, man!

This has been some week for daft judicial decision making.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Twa Neigbourhood Noddies

The police are getting younger, so my ickle bruvver has volunteered his two eldest to become Neighbourhood and Community Wardens (since PCSO's are something different up in these parts) to help me in my fight against crime.

They are seen here in basic cordon training as Kindergarten Cops a few years back at Toy Town
™ Police College Nursery Division and should be ready for duty in a couple of years time.

Perhaps we could call them Neighbourhoodies!

(p.s. My kids are off, one to Italy to be a plumber, and the other to the USA as a sewer Inspector, if their attire is to be followed up in the same way - answers on a postcard welcomed for that little quiz!)

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

At last....

I posted some time ago about the poor prisoner embarrassed by the SPS telephone system message identifying his calls as emanating from pokey and how he'd managed to get Legal Aid to fund a court case on the grounds of infringement of his human rights.

Well at long last the daft decision has been overturned.

Can we hope for more examples of common sense?

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

That 'D' word.

Once upon a time it used to be the 'Q' word that polismen and wimmen were feart o'. These days it is the 'D' word.

'D' for Domestics. Don't get me wrong, the new zero tolerance stance has my general approval, despite the fact that most of us Plods hate all the associated forms required for even the smallest of invariably alcohol fuelled bickers between consenting adults.

However, I recognise that for anyone to be brave enough to call the Polis when things go wrong in a partnership, there must have been either a bleeding (sic) big stooshie or a considerable history of violence, oppression or sharp tongued abuse.

Given all that, it is with some disquiet that I refer to a report in the Daily Mail. Please read it - it is unbelievable how blase the court appears to be.

He looks like a decent enough spud in the photo, well educated etc., but clearly he is a mysoginous muppet.

Bizarrely, this overpaid oaf was only fined 2 grand with the decision that;

He was spared even a community punishment because the judge ruled that "special circumstances" suggested he was unlikely to re-offend and his job meant he was too "busy" to find the time to complete any order.

I am going to have to agree with Judith Stephenson, of Women's Aid, when she said:

"This case is extremely worrying. It takes an enormous amount of courage for a woman (or man - ed.) to go to court and this sentence may deter other women (men - ed.) from doing so."

I think the victim has a justified Axe to grind and he needs the chop!

Oh, and by the way, I ain't even going to mention the 'R' word! Damn, I think I just did.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Straight Talking

D&C are to be commended on their honesty and straight talking according to a report in the Register.

Meanwhile my colleagues in Strathweegieland have come up with new technology to solve crime.

Finally, sometimes straight talking can get you in hot water.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Desperate Dan and Little Richard

What a sucker.

It's amazing what some people will do to entertain, but then I should be careful not to be seen as belittling vertically impaired minorities otherwise I might get a row from my buddy.

Small wonder he came to a sticky end. Oh to have been in the A&E that night!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Road to Nowhere

Cracking days away. Stunning scenery and glorious weather - honest. Even managed a trip to Harrods.

Back to the weekend of death where it seems that all I do is work, sleep, work, so I'll keep this brief with a wee observation on one call I attended.

Mr Plod attends a local Chinese takeaway following an alleged disturbance. Man has left before we arrive, so I asked the proprietor what the culprit looked like. "Sorry, all foreigners look the same to me," she replied. Wincing appropriately, matey and I said our goodbyes!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, August 13, 2007

Wish me well, please.

I'm off to the Highlands for a few days (so no posts).

Ordinarily that would be just the ticket, but I've also got to stay with the in-laws.

Cue the mother-in-law jokes up for my return please.

However, I have been Reading some good news!

No wonder someone took the night off yesterday - didn't want to face my gloating no doubt.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Meritocracy or pluralism?

In all honesty this is just an excuse to use this picture again......

Being serious, OK - I know not one of my usual traits, but I used to live in a country where merit was rewarded and I thought this was just fine. I was young, naive, a go-getter. Now, I'm old and crusty and just a tad cynical. Nothing wrong with that, some call it experience.

Have a squint at this and this, then read on.

The two contrasting articles got me thinking. Is it wrong to give the disadvantaged a little leg up? Some call it positive discrimination, others levelling the playing field. Some call it unfair, biased and the excess of political correctness. You decide.

I know that as far as the second article goes, in my earlier days, the applicant would have been hired for sure. Poor gnomes, cute as they are, wouldn't have stood a chance. Can't think why!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Fan the Sharn really dis.....

Being a toonser polisman, I dinna get an affa lot o' time tae deal wi' the teuchters o' oor Force area.

read aboot fit yon German Polis, in er ain coontryside, hae tae deal wi' I'm fair chuffed I dinna hae their experiences.

Aye, an fit aboot a' yon resources they had tae throw at 'is jobbie en 'a?

The jobbie here in Toytoon his enough
sharn fer my likin'.

Onywiy, fa said Germans dinna hae a sense o' humour?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Threatened - Moi?

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the British and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.

Up in these pairts we know what to do with Terrorists......

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, August 06, 2007

Pink my Ride

Regular readers will know that I have a thing about Pink, but I am somewhat flabbergasted by the latest thinking from our colleagues in Thailand. Somehow, I don't think this will be our cup of tea, although I know others do have a fondness for pink. Go over to Claire's site for a little more detail.

However, I do think there could be a use for it up these parts for a certain Scottish Chief Constable.

While I'm on the subject, I see that TUPC has been busy making the countryside fluffy and pink.

Finally, I would like to think that the feminine branch of the Polis might like to check this out. Worked for me!

© Miss Pink Cat

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

We Come One

Black in Blue aka Twining has posted a real teaser and follow up post in respect of a local council employee and his ...... well let's be honest ...... racist abuse of a Rastafarian. (Loved the spell check on that one - offered me Rotarian!)

Why are we bothering if such a blatant case doesn't go to court?

If I was from a minority..... hang on I'm a drunken kilted
caber tossing Jock ..... I would be pressing hard for this decision to be reversed PDQ. It's a travesty. Go comment on his site if you will and let's hear those voices.

Toy Towners™ come in all sizes, shapes and colours and are equally desirable as can be seen from Big Ears' mates.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Exposed again

This amused me and it should amuse the thin blue line.

Less amusing was the collection of mop's comments that me and my colleagues should be out catching murderers etc.

Do they not know we have no discretion these days?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times