Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Digging up a story

I was looking about for some serious crime to report and dug up this.

There's serious crime, petty ones and then there's grave offences.

Surrey Police, get your hiviz jackets......

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

A bridge too far

Every so often I wonder which planet the Eurocrats live on.

According to the P&J,
more than 200 Highland bridges are in breach of European weight limits and should not be carrying articulated lorries, it has emerged.

Eight years after a European directive came into force, almost a third of road bridges in the region have still not been strengthened to take 40-tonne vehicles.

Bridges on B-roads at Merkadale, on Skye, and Letters near Ullapool, are among the 227 which are in breach of the safety limits.

About 90 structures in the Highlands have been upgraded at a cost of £1million per year. It is predicted that it would cost about £60million to strengthen the remaining 227 bridges.

David MacKenzie, the Highland Council's chief engineer, said that all the affected bridges were still safe to use for ordinary motorists.

Have you seen the sort of countryside roads up our way. 40 tonne artics - lucky if you can get a horse and cart up some of these drover's paths.

PC MacFaraway, Ardnamurchan - "Calling HQ. Re this RTC involving a lorry and the new Eurobridge. There's an allegation of excess speed. Could I have a tachograph examination trained officer attend please?"

HQ, Inverness - "Roger. Hold." .....................

HQ - "Calling PC MacFaraway. Roger. Tomorrow do?"

(Picture of Cromdale Bridge courtesy of the ickle bruvver).

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, October 29, 2007

More Bollards

Scots Law, not just criminal, but civil too, is a wee bit different to that practised down south. Occasionally, as reminded to me by a recent call, it can seem a bit crass.

Here's the scenario. Non-resident parks various cars in a private car parking area. He's asked politely to move same. What can the law do for the residents when he ignores the requests?

Up hereabouts, very little unless you want to pursue the miscreant in the civil courts for actual financial loss as a result. That would be pretty difficult to prove and bleedin' costly.

You can't tow away - a previous High Court ruling deemed that Theft.

You can't use wheel locks and claim reparation - a previous High Court ruling deemed that Theft and Extortion.

All you can do is secure the parking area with barriers or bollards.

The resident I spoke to tells me they are to install something similar to this, about which I posted a good while ago.

I'm off to watch the fun!

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Leave a light on

It's that time of year when the nights fair draw in, particularly round these northern parts.

This can be good for us Polis in that the local yoof are less disposed to 'hingin aboot' the local shops etc., but can be bad for you householders who forgot the significance of the change to the clocks this past weekend. Keep a light on for the bit of the day now dark that you spend rushing home from your nice day jobs, otherwise me and my m8s will be round to visit you after the Big Scary Animals have looted your gaff. I don't want to have to say, "Told you. Runaway Horses, stable door etc."

As usual Toy Town
™ Constabulary offer a natty little aid for those scared of the dark, but for a more official guide those north of Carlisle could try keeping our communities safe or those southwards could try here.

p.s. Noddy would like it to be known that he does not remove his pyjamas willy nilly for anyone.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Think Differently

This is a cause close to my heart and family. Please take time to visit the website, sign the petition and view this film.


© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I want to ride my bicycle

The wheel really has come off......

Weird or kinky, but does it really justify being placed on the sex offenders' register?

As Freddie said, "
I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like."

Click for update.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

José who?

Beautiful football as promised and even Sheva scored!

The ickle bruvver will not be amused.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

12 long years

Keep the pressure on any way you can.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times


Look very carefully.

Still puzzled?

The Register reveals all.

Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Because ewe are worth it

This post was inspired by a comment left by Uphilldowndale on my previous post.

Having twice visited the excellent Auchingarrich Wildlife Centre, I was ahead of the game and can offer you numerous examples of Scottish ingenuity in the ovis department, such as this offering from deepest Teuchterland and the direct link to the photo below.

The bored, depressed sheep in Ruralshire get a makeover courtesy of L'Oreal.

PeePee - now you know where that kilt you wore came from.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, October 22, 2007

Silence of the Lambs

In Ruralshire the sheep have been silenced.

Whilst those in the Rainbow Nation are celebrating in style.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Rent boys

The following has mysteriously disappeared from the blogosphere.....


Rugby World Cup Final 2007


If they win, they will all be able to afford houses in Ruralshire.


There’s no need to cry, you can always rent in Ruralshire!

by inspectorgadget at October 20, 2007 07:51 AM

Personally, I thought England should be proud of two finals in a row.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, October 19, 2007

Panty shot

You've heard of a mail shot, well here's a female shot.

Go on ladies it's a worthwhile cause and it would appear packaging shouldn't be a problem.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Reality Check

Pc Sherlock (a fine name for a Polisman if ever there was) of Cumbria Constabulary lies seriously injured in hospital today due to two thieving teenage tearaway's thoughtlessness.

My thoughts are with Jonathan and his ain folk.

I hope he's home soon.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Georgia on my mind

This flag reminds me......

Being honest we weren't at the races on Wednesday night and why were we wearing that claret kit?

But, and it's a huge but, we only have to beat the Italians and qualification is in our own hands. That's more than can be said for others!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Cleaning up crime.

Learning life skills is vital for the section of society that has little respect for others and zero guidance from their parents.

This guy learnt the hard way. Now all we need to do is issue tazers to householders. Guns would be a little extreme.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Golly Gosh

Once upon a time Toytownwas institutionally racist, but changed its way.

For some reason certain people cannot believe times have moved on here and elsewhere.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Prick of Conscience

Our upside down cousins in New South Wales have come up with a novel way of deterring 'boy racers' according to this report in The Register.

The video is called 'Little Pinkie', which appealed to me particularly as regular readers will understand.

Click for Update.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Sheva Scores!

"Vot ave I doneski? Noddy he tell me that I cannot hit ze side of a barnski for Chelski, but then I go and score against Scotland."

It's OK Sheva, you are forgiven. The rest of your team-mates forgot how to play and where the net was.

I have to report that Mr Plod has been seen running again.

Timeline: 1655 hours Saturday 13 October 2007.
Locus: Toytown Constabulary HQ front door.

Any more of this malarky by McLeish's Marvels and I will have to carry oxygen routinely.

Miller was magic, McCulloch majestic and 'Faddy' - well, enough said. Watch the goals here.

p.s. - I believe the footballers of both varieties down south done well too! Congratulations to the odd shaped ball brigade in particular..... a few weeks ago vs South Africa you wouldn't have given them a hope in hell. I am wondering what is happening to the 'onion sellers' these days. Perhaps they should stick to tiddlywinks like some other Bizzies.

Sacre Ble
u indeed!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, October 12, 2007


A police spokeswoman said: "It's disappointing because it's been a really positive initiative that has been rolled out across the force area."

What could she be talking about?

Go on .... you know you want to find out what Derbyshire's latest 'initiative' is.

Meanwhile in China, there don't appear to be any resource problems.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

"Hellhole beyond your wildest dreams."

I didn't say that about Burma, the unlikely source being Rambo, but I've been predicting meltdown in Myanmar/Burma for a while now.

All I ask is that you do what you can to support the calls for democracy in Burma and a wee prayer wouldn't go amiss.

For a top notch report read this.

For a piece of complete tosh read this. Oops Beeb - Ms Aung San Suu Kyi is not a dissident, nor the leader of the opposition. She is the democratically elected leader of her country, it's the 'junta' that has prevented her taking up her justly deserved leadership of her country.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

European Dreams

Someone mentioned something about me not posting for a while. True. Can't really say why, just been too busy with the minutiae of every day life I guess. Oh, and the little Noddies have a new Playstation 3, which as you know all good Dads need to check out!
I am now busy catching up with fellow bloggers missives and will be adding some comments I'm sure.

Meanwhile up here in Jockland the natives are still reeling (eightsomes included) after the miracles performed by our footballers, both at national and club level. Even the Toytowners
managed to get themselves into European competition proper. This was good, but guess who was nightshift on the night they qualified? Whilst everyone was in very good humour, they decided to be just so till, as we say up in these pairts, the wee sma hours. Unfortunately for me the need to corral the revellers coincided with the need to report a serious assault for court the next morning. There are very few times people see Mr Plod running these days (that's what BP's for), but there I was jogging to the Reports Office at 6.30 in the morning with the associated paperwork to ensure the ne'er-do-wells antics were in the Fiscal's hands on time.

The UEFA Cup draw also cancelled one of my days off, when no doubt I will be patrolling some street corner of Toytown
™ and unable to see the Dandies in action.

Staying with the footie, I applaud UEFA on only hitting Celtic with a fine after their excellent win over the European Champions and also handing out the ban to Dida. I find his club's reaction pitiful in defending him, but then Italian teams never cheat do they? Just ask Zidane for a comment on that one! I have to congratulate,
and it sticks in my throat to do so, Rangers for what was quite frankly the best club result of all against Lyon. Truly unbelievable.

I suppose most of you will be asking yourself why I haven't mentioned the other Blues. One has to have an appropriate period of mourning. I think things are back on an even keel now and we are still on for four trophies, unlike others I might care to mention. We will all miss Jose's uniqueness.

Now to see how the folk south of the border get on against the French in that game with odd shaped balls. Here's hoping Johnny's fit and uninjured!

..... and then there's a small matter of two very important games for McLeish's Marvels. If we win on Saturday, I can't see me getting home
from work on time at 5pm!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times