Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hundred Acre Hood and other tales

A wee round-up of happenings north of Watford Gap.

Lost and Found.

A Toy Town
Polis spokestoon commented, "We are glad to see the wee bear back with Piglet, Eeyore and the gang. Winnie has a serious pot habit (honey that is- ed.) and he was persuaded by some clever but unscrupulous types to venture into Toy Town™ to source his stash. Fortunately, we combed the city and in the bees nest that is Hundred Acre Hood, during a co-ordinated intelligence-led sting operation our colleagues traced Winnie. Toy Town™ Polis would like to take this opportunity to reiterate that it will not tolerate the kidnapping of toons."

PC Milne (no relative) added, "
I'm glad he didn't come to a sticky end."

The local paper reported that, "After a hive of activity in the north of the city, Pooh was rescued."

Jacquelyn Liddell, Managing Director of Storybook Glen, originally told BBC Scotland when Winnie was reported missing that: "It's shocking. I just wish parents would see where their children are at night."

Wise Owl responded last night by stating, "Sometimes people jump to conclusions."

Eeyore, never one to be serious, said, "Here's some more Poo."

When asked to comment, Piglet merely said, "Oh, d-d-d-dear."

Bad day at the Office - Part 1

Some days you just wish you'd been elsewhere. Horrendously bad luck all round, for the bereaved, the other car driver and the poor Polis.

Bad day at the Office - Part 2

Every custody officer's and force's nightmare, but whatever the reason it's even more of a nightmare for the relatives. However, after the loon's last two exploits, I do hope he'd asked for forgiveness for his sins before his untimely death.

Note to Northern Constabulary - I'd start crossing your collective toes if I were you.

What a silly Hunt

Well clearly the digit curling up North isn't working. Read the article's comments to get the full flavour of the 'story'.

Judge Dredd

I have to admit I had to read this article twice. Well that's because the first time I fell off my chair in shock. Without wishing to add my support so freely to the vigilante system in Prison, it should at least make those who commit the more dastardly of crimes think twice, because despite it all there is still a moral code amongst some of the pros amongst the cons!

That's enough jox vox for now.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Furry boots

Woke this morn to an inch o' sna and decided 'at global warning is definitely a fraud

Stonehead captured the affa bonnie scenes.

Weather seems to be changing for the worse even in places you'd least expect.

Last weekend saw Mr UHDD in peril fell running in Cumbria and all who link to Mrs UHDD will be glad he and his clamjafry came oot safely if somewhat drookit. 

The accompanying video shows 'at it wis dreich right enough.  Here's a shorter taster.

I was going to suggest that Mr UHDD sat down with a wee dram and watched this, especially after the last episode linked here amongst the comments made.

Wrap up and dinna forget they furry boots, min.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, October 24, 2008

To Twother or not to Twother

At first glance at the headline for this report from Reuters, I thought we'd had the good old pint metricated.

However, it appears that someone thinks there is somebody out there somewhere who cannot cope with a whole pint of beer/cider, but thinks a half pint is too little.

Plain daft if you ask me, but apparently it's a common measure (425 mls) in Oz and known as a Schooner in most states there, but not all. I always knew Aussies were lightweights!

I won't bother to twother.

On another booze related tack, this proposal fairly took the wind out of a Toy Town
™ publican's sails (Geddit?). Speaking from experience, at 3am in the morning in the town centre at weekends, I'm rarely running into folk blootered on tins of Tennent's Special from the Offie. I wonder where they've come from? Mind you, the publicans can now say they only need to pay 2/3 of the cost, 'cos abidy will be downing twothers, even the quines.

Meanwhile, another British institution is tinkered with and goes down the plughole of multi-nationalism. However, on reading the article, apparently the change in the speaking clock disnae bother the rest of the Union and is only upsetting for our English cousins. Perhaps we could have a separate Jock Clock.

Calling time folks.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Those men with big hoses....

.... have all the fun.

By the way, did you know Fireman Sam was a ginger?

Why can't I get calls like
this and this to brighten my day.

I have to ask how the Lothians F&R Service justified their call out and just how do you cover a camera in chocolate? That certainly made Bumpy Dog raise his eyebrows.

No doubt they called it a training exercise. It sounded like a bit of a marathon, but it made me snicker.

Getting back on topic in respect of the wee rodent, and being ever resourceful, I have found a friend more than willing to find Fudgie.

Indeed, as you can see, she begged me to be let loose.

She whispered to me that she's a no nonsense, don't need all that specialist kit, cat. That's a boost. She did ask if there was a bounty though. I told her that it would be no picnic, but if she was successful she could revel in being a smartie and do a twirl.

Ripple of applause please!

Time out methinks.


Thanks are due to DBA Dude again for keeping me up to speed on developments in the crisis situation and major incident that was the disappearance of Fudgie. A Galaxy of friends met her when she reappeared. No photo opportunity though as she was so tired she just flaked out.


© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Sweet innit?

"A 13-year-old girl who has had four sexual partners, smokes dope, drinks beer and has been excluded from school 40 times is considered "sweet" by her mother and given cigarettes as rewards for good behaviour."

I was researching (sounds good eh?) another post when I came across the headline above and the full report in the Daily Torygraph. Please read it. It beggars belief and is a sad indictment of modern Britain.

Now, if it had been in the Daily Wail I might have just shrugged it off, but given it's in an allegedly respectable publication, for some unknown reason I began to weep uncontrollably.

Whatever next?

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Meanwhile across the Pond

.... and you thought it was just a British disease.

It seems the Polis worldwide are total meanies.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

GOD bless her

I'm going to pose the question and hang the consequences.

What kind of religion is it that drives you to shoot at point blank range a defenceless woman who works with disabled children for a charity in a foreign land?

It would appear some folk need some extreme diversity training.

Being serous, this was murder plain and simple and that, my friends, was still a sin the last time I looked!

God rest her righteous soul.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Policeman says........

.......this is the Script.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sunday, October 19, 2008

So Emo

Go on tell me you didn't have a lump in your throat.

You can see/download the HQ version here.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Help the Aged

Many a moon ago I used to work for Help the Aged, so I feel that I am in a good place to advise our elderly parishioners on ways to improve and extend their lives.

I offer these following two snippets by way of a public service announcement, the second being especially for us First Aiders.

Silver Surfers.

Stayin' Alive.

I have looked out the flares and kipper tie for my next refresher course.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A' Ghàidhealtachd

From the STV series "Highlands" comes this episode about God's own country; Assynt.


© McNoddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, October 13, 2008

Stirring it up

A local item of interest to all lovers of Porridge, but also a plug for an older post you may have missed regarding refreshment breaks.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, October 10, 2008

Ma heid is yarkin'

A while back I posted about the lack of a sense of humour at the Portman group in relation to various Scottish ales and their names.

I'm glad to report, well actually update from the Beeb, that the world is not square and
I quote,

"A House of Commons motion has been tabled aimed at protecting a Scottish ale called Skull Splitter.

The Orkney Brewery fears the product could be withdrawn from sale following a report commissioned by alcohol watchdog the Portman Group.

It has been claimed its Viking-branded bottles have an aggressive theme.

Orkney and Shetland MP Alistair Carmichael said losing the name would be a serious setback, and called for the complaint to be rejected.

Skull Splitter, an 8.5% ale created more than 20 years ago, is sold internationally.
The brewery said the ale was in fact named after Thorfinn Hausakluif, the seventh Viking earl of Orkney, nicknamed "Skull Splitter".

Mr Carmichael said the name would be inappropriate if it were a low-priced drink aimed at youngsters.
But he said it was an award-winning beer which is bought by discerning drinkers who appreciate its quality and who drink it responsibly".

Orkney Brewery's parent company, Sinclair Breweries Ltd, earlier said it was "stunned" by the complaint and hoped for "common sense".

The Portman Group confirmed a complaint was being investigated."

Common sense - fit?

Meanwhile, as pointed out by DBA Dude over at his blog, said brewery (which now owns the Atlas brews) is doing its bit for Red Squirrels with its new brew. As DBA says, no fluffy tailed beasties are used in the brewing process, but let's wait till the Portman Group hear about that one. They'll go nuts.

Aye an' anither thing, fit does this tumshie think he's dae'n? Dis he nae ken it's the mither tongue?

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Cup of Tea?
That other cartoon character asks me to direct yourselves to his place.

Put the kettle on.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, October 06, 2008

But the Bish bashed back

I'm keeping my posts short and snappy today.

"He's a great leader and doesn't cloud his views in political correctness."


© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Not as we

Am I alone in wondering what “ism” I can tag myself with to claim that I’ve been discriminated against?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I refuse to wear a hoodie

I'm feeling lazy today.

I think my brain has been drained what with all that ramming I've had to do, so I thought I'd just point you in the direction of a few snippets that came to my attention.

First and foremost, let's get to the major headline today......

Postman Pat is now a toonser.

Add this to the nonsense I previously alluded to and I fear for the countryside and all our cherished memories. As stated, I will not be modernising any day soon. No hoodies for me, innit.

What has been genuinely worrying me lately has been the way the media describes 'life sentences'. In some cases this only means a life time order.

In two recent cases, life actually meant 9 years in one sentencing and then 18 months (and with backdating!) in the other. It is only if the scoundrels don't rehabilitate that the life bit kicks in. In the case of the former I'd suggest he's already shown his inability to reform on more than one occasion.

Incidentally, is it just me that finds it bizarre that a prison inmate was allowed out on day release to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I also wonder where there might be room for the blighters to be banged up.

Sticking with criminals, an article directed to me by DBA Dude struck me as being a little non-diverse in suggesting that the average scrote has a poor diet based on fast foods. As Baldrick would say, "I have a cunning plan - feed all custodies Double Whoppers and Big Macs. What's that you say ... we already do?"

There's been some good news. With Joanna Yumley at the helm, they couldn't fail.

Some news even gladdens the heart.

Two final snippets. One from the land of make believe and the other unbelievable.

I'm knackered. Off for a lie down.......but in the bare spedroom!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times