Jesus axed by Council

Jesus, Joseph and Mary!

I dae deeply apologise aboot bringing up Christmas fan it is still summer, dreich though it is, but there's a major news story up in these pairts.

Some of you may ken 'at, despite being the oil capital o' Europe, Aiberdeen's finest local politicians hae made a wee sotter wi' the pucklie o' siller they hae to spend and are somewhat overdrawn wi' the bankie.

Noo, in order tae get oot o' this guddle, the cooncil hae decided they cannae afford a full blown nativity. They can only manage a Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus, so they hae decided to scrap the idea a'tigither an' it looks affa like there'll be nae lichties in Ingin Street either. Ginging for your pressies and messages will be even mair o' a scunner noo.

I'm fair glad am nae a toonser, min. Nivver fash, Xmas isnae cancelled just yet oot in Toyland™.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Criminal Negligence

"PA Consulting Group transforms the performance of organisations. Clients call on our independent, employee-owned, global firm when they want an innovative solution, a highly responsive approach, and delivery of hard results."

PA Consulting Group might want to reconsider this slogan.

A contractor working for the Home Office has lost a computer memory stick containing personal details about tens of thousands of criminals.

The lost data includes details about 10,000 prolific offenders as well as information on all 84,000 prisoners in England and Wales.

The data on the stick also includes information from the Police National Computer of some 30,000 people with six or more convictions in the last year.

David Smith, Deputy Commissioner in the Information Commissioner's Office, said the latest loss showed that personal information could be a "toxic liability" if not handled properly.

"It is deeply worrying that after a number of major data losses and the publication of two government reports on high profile breaches of the Data Protection Act, more personal information has been reported lost," he said.

I was just thinking about the gravy train I've alluded to in the past and then I read on. Guess what? I wasn't the only one to think laterally.

Shadow Home Secretary Dominic Grieve said there had been a "massive failure of duty".

He said: "What is more scandalous is that it is not the first time that the government has been shown to be completely incapable of protecting the integrity of highly sensitive data, rendering them unfit to be charged with protecting our safety.

"The British taxpayer will be absolutely outraged if they are made to pick up the bill for compensation to serious criminals."

So much for the tougher data laws.

Looking forward to Jacqui Spliff's views on this latest debacle, because someone has certainly lost their memory.

Update: Nice try at a body swerve Ms Teflon, but it is still your Department's responsibility to secure the data and physically prevent anyone downloading/transferring it against protocols. If it has been transferred as suggested, will she be prosecuting? Let's see.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Perils of Polygamy

Nigeria's Islamic authority has told a man who has 86 wives to choose only four and repent within three days or else he will be sentenced to death.

The former teacher and Muslim preacher lives in Niger State with his wives and at least 170 children, and says he is able to cope only with the help of God.

"A man with 10 wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them,"

I say, one is too many and how the heck is he still alive?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Can you dig it?

Across the pond the Polis are considering creating a new specialist support unit.

I fancy a stint as Master Splinter.

Listening to: The Mock Turtles - Can You Dig It? via FoxyTunes

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

In the Summertime

I'm back from my gallivanting and can I be the first to say "Ha Ha Mourinho."

The weather has been mixed (that's Doric for shite), but for a change it appears those southwards have not been overly blessed with sunshine. Being a typical Scot me and the sunshine don't exactly see eye to eye, inasmuch as mair freckles and red raw skin are nae my cup o' tea. However, a wee bit more rays would not have gone amiss.

Typically, I had to go to the end of the earth (well to she who has to be obeyed's family croft) to get the best weather!



Up in these parts the sheep are always happy.

So, what else has been happening since I was away. The youngest got all his Standard Grades (what used to be 'O' grades/levels) and all top grades too. I think back to his early days and his autistic spectrum 'problems' and this is nothing short of amazing. He deserved his large hug fae his Pa! (Somehow I think he will be looking for something more material though).

The eldest turns 21 today. It is time he was given the key to his own bleedin' door! (I'm joking loon!)

One thing I will say is that having spent a ridiculous amount of time behind some clown on the A9 who didn't read the bit in the Highway Code about CONSIDERATION FOR OTHER ROAD USERS, this is far overdue, even if it is being supported by another clown, who will be safe in the knowledge that his adored team will not be disgracing themselves in Europe. Well, off the pitch anyway!!!!

So what's been going on since I've been away in the hive of activity that is the Highlands?

Georgia beat Russia ............ in the quine's beach volleyball at the Olympix anyway. I know, I was transfixed by this event. I even found out from the commentary team that the 2 Georgians were Brazilians. I know the outfits were skimpy, but how did they know that? I've heard of drug testing, but rug testing....... I'll get my hiviz.

But, otherwise most of the news has been crap.

In pseudo DBA Dude booze review mode, I can report that, whilst away, I popped into a Teuchter Tesco (f.a.o. AnneDroid - anither 'een!) and found this smashing wee drop. I should have bought more 'cos it has yet to hit Tesco's shelves locally.

Back to work next week, so maybe something Polis related to follow, but mind, I have a life!

Listening to: Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

A little irony

Name : Iosef Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili aka Stalin
D.O.B. : 18/12/1878
P.O.B. & Nationality : Go check!

Anyone else think this is a wee bit ironic?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Semper Vigilo

A virtual postcard fer yiv a', fan I'm gallivanting aboot Scotland, wishing you a' yi wish yersel.

I'm blogging fae deepest Toy Land™ at my ickle bruvver's hoose jist noo, but I hae bin oot and aboot in Perthshire, Ross-shire and Sutherland. You can see some photos here.

n.b. There's a special wee fotie fer AnneDroid en a'.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Running Up That Hill

Well more like walking really, but I am indebted to DBA Dude for reminding me of Kate Bush's 50th birthday yesterday. I am ages with her and her music was part of my youth.

This event gives me a chance to plug one of my favourite bands as they cover Kate's best song and also lets all you myriad readers know that I will be off gallivanting about in the Highlands for the next week or so.

So, no Toy Town™ treats for a while. Can you survive?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's a cracker

Annual Leave is getting to me.

I'll get my cagoule and hiking boots.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Arschloch

I was watching the ever wonderful Top Gear this evening, (the last in the current series till the Autumn - boo hoo) when I heard someone swear quite profusely.

No, it wasn't Jay Kay - who was repeatedly bleeped when he resorted to the vernacular - but the Presenter of Top Gear's German equivalent and in his native tongue.

I anticipate that there will be a hurricane of Mary Whitehoosies, that (like me) can speak a little Deutsch, spitting fire and jamming Auntie Beeb's pabx along with quite a few irate Krauts, Wops and Nips. (If you want to email the Beeb try We1x2@bbc.co.uk or just join the flock and phone).

I am of the opinion that this programme proved the Germans do have a sense of humour (somewhere) by taking part.

It got me thinking though about some of the right clangers I've read this week in the news and other blogs. Anyhow here's a plug for some of my blogtastic comrades who keep the anti PC flag flying high and a few other snippets of daftness from the virtual chip wrappers of tomorrow.

Enjoy.

Scotland's finest!

Perverse Perception.

Being British.

Josie's Joy.

Naughty Nike.

Blunt Message.

A wee Drama.

Like the man said, "Arschloch!"

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pokeymoan

The hardships.

The poor wee mites.

Nae mair Grand Theft Auto for the incarcerated.

Anyone heard of books? (colouring or otherwise!)

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Treading water

It appears we are off to arbitration again as the PNB talks have broken down.

But then again we are not a special case (and Fido deserves a wee bit of recognition too) are we?

Just a thought, upon which government will the arbitrators be 'suggesting' their pay settlement figure?

Sink or swim?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tory transportation twoc'd

...... but hold on, there's detection on offer here.

Listening to: Queen - Bicycle Race
via FoxyTunes

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

PUNishment

Check out this Judge's conclusion to a recent case here.

Sometimes our Judiciary get right to the point and arrow in precisely on the target.

With such accurate wit perhaps the Sheriff should consider a stint at Bow Street.

Bullseye!

I'll get my hiviz......

Listening to: Sparks - Fletcher Honorama
via FoxyTunes

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

O K what have they done to you?

Imagine giving a bairn such a daft moniker (sic).

It's amazing the level to which folk will sink. Having said that, I know of one poor soul in my parish who has all the surnames of the championship winning Celtic team of his year of birth as his forenames.

Listening to: Tori Amos - Talula
via FoxyTunes

p.s. I did like the choice of B&H though.

© Big Ears
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pump up the Volume

Sacre Bleu!

Vee have it all explained. Zat Stringfellow chappie eez a very clever man, he simply turns up ze discotheque and ze punters tombez au-dessus d'ivre ou du combat avec la police plus rapide.

Well you don't go to a nightclub if you want genial conversation do you?



Listening to: M/A/R/R/S - Pump up the Volume
via FoxyTunes

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Fit's 'at?

What's this? You go guess.

This was sent to me by my cousin over the pond, so don't y'all go thinking we Brits are the only ones to go soft and wiberal.





















Any ideas?

Does this help a bit?







































This is in Austria. It is a Justice Centre.

Clearly they have a different idea of how to handle criminals.

It is called Justizzentrum Leoben.

Homeless people should have it so good!

My Colonial cousins quote that, "Once again the taxpayer gets stung." Where have I heard that before?

So much for punishment or deterrent. Hand me the switch-blade now.

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this comparison chart should make things a little bit clearer:

@ PRISON
You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell
@ WORK
You spend most of your time in a 6X6 cubicle

@ PRISON
You get three fully paid for meals a day
@ WORK
You get a break for one meal, and you have to pay for it

@ PRISON
For good behaviour, you get time off
@ WORK
For good behaviour, you get more work

@ PRISON
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK
You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself

@ PRISON
You can watch TV and play games
@ WORK
You could get fired for watching TV and playing games

@ PRISON
You get your own toilet
@ WORK
You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat

@ PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK
You aren't even supposed to speak to your family

@ PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required on your part
@ WORK
You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

@ PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

@ PRISON
You must deal with sadistic wardens
@ WORK
They are called 'managers'

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Mogzilla

It's official - pussies love Firefox.

© Miss Pink Cat
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Beware of Needles

Just a quick post tonight and a hat tip to Dickiebo for this puzzling nonsense.

It's a mad world.

Listening to: Tears for Fears - Mad World via FoxyTunes

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Out of the mouths of babes

According to the Torygraph, a 366 page guide (How many pages?) from the NCB has these observations for carers of toddlers....

"Toddlers who turn their noses up at spicy food from overseas could be branded racists by a Government-sponsored agency.

The National Children's Bureau, which receives £12 million a year, mainly from Government funded organisations, has issued guidance to play leaders and nursery teachers advising them to be alert for racist incidents among youngsters in their care.

This could include a child of as young as three who says "yuk" in response to being served unfamiliar foreign food."

Hat Tip to First In for highlighting this bit of PC nonsense, although apparently it is only an ENGLISH problem.

What a pizza nonsense. Now I'm not one to curry favour with the non-diverse elements in our populous, but this sort of tripe is fodder to them. (I'll get my reflective jacket...)

Psalms 8:2: Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou might still the enemy and the avenger.

Matthew 21:16: And said unto him, Hear thou what these say? And Jesus said unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise?

p.s. I suspect the photo's unintentional undertones, on so many levels, will offend or appal someone, somewhere, but it's cute!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times