Table Toppers

Sometimes I am stoked that my small country can deliver some spectacular results, and at other times - well not.

Unfortunately Toytown™ heads up this particular league.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Chemical Bondage?

I may be going daft in my old age, but this article had me tripping over myself with ideas for new peecee monikers for our chemically bonded (see I just made one up!) clients. © Noddy Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 1

You might have noticed from my sidebar that due to the apparent demise of fellow Polis bloggers, I appear to be the only Polisperson posting from north of the border.

I feel it incumbent upon me then to keep everybody up to date with the weird and wonderful happenings, Polis related or otherwise, up in the frozen wastelands of God's own country.

Following on from what might be considered the pilot post, I have decided to post regularly on such matters and I have these following offerings for you.

BBC NEWS | Scotland | North East/N Isles | Pub-goers to be tested for drugs

Random drug testing attacked - Press & Journal

Well at least it's a better plan than this or this.

Maybe Mr Rumbles should have a peek at this before he opens his mouth and puts his foot in it.

Twining will like this snippet.

Up here in Draconia we still occasionally persecute, sorry prosecute, very wee weans. But just to level the playing field, I believe adults will now have to suffer like the little children. It's significant that once the pain is to be meted out on adults, a furore starts. I did warn you. A crafty US judge has taken this principle even further.

We have just celebrated St Andrew's Day and Gadget will be interested to note this ovine method of marking the occasion.

You can read this snippet and make your own mind up. I have. Get off your behind, quine.

A while back I bleetered on about prostitution. I think that the Polis are going to say to the Law Makers, "We told you so."

By far and away my favourite snippet recently has to be the Spiderpig debacle. Brilliant.

As regular visitors will know, I have a passion for whisky (in moderation of course) and our wonderful Chancellor and his boss, despite being Scots, seem determined to destroy the industry and dent my pocket. I have four related offerings to mull over whilst you sip (very slowly) your dram.

Outrage at tax raid on the whisky industry - Press & Journal

Excise duty increase leaves a bitter taste - Press & Journal

BBC NEWS | Scotland | 'Whisky sour' claim after Budget

BBC NEWS | Scotland | Whisky duty rise 'to be revised'

I cannot leave you without commenting on what's happening down south. The new Government inspired (tongue firmly in cheek) Police Pledges leave me awestruck and this article's heading sums it up;

Police will respond quicker to burglary victims if they are 'upset' - Telegraph

I have yet to entertain a genuine complaint of housebreaking from a cheerful householder! I'll let Jacquie Spliff know when I do.

Secondly, I note there's been a bit of a stooshie over some CCTV footage again. Don't mess with me has posted the most illuminating take on this in my view. I also direct you to a previous post on the Perils of CCTV from my good self.

Finally, Jox Vox rule.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sweet innit?

"A 13-year-old girl who has had four sexual partners, smokes dope, drinks beer and has been excluded from school 40 times is considered "sweet" by her mother and given cigarettes as rewards for good behaviour."

I was researching (sounds good eh?) another post when I came across the headline above and the full report in the Daily Torygraph. Please read it. It beggars belief and is a sad indictment of modern Britain.

Now, if it had been in the Daily Wail I might have just shrugged it off, but given it's in an allegedly respectable publication, for some unknown reason I began to weep uncontrollably.

Whatever next?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Dutch web designer goes potty

I like to think I've put a little effort into how this web page looks, but clearly I need to consider a trip to Amsterdam and a little recreation to inspire me at my work.

Flash or what?

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Ho Ho Ho

Festive Greetings to you and yours Ms Spliff.

On behalf of my English & Welsh colleagues, go choke on your toke and may your stockings be as empty as your promises.


© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Concealing Drugs

I love it when I can combine two of my favourite wacky topics together.

Poop and Futrets.

Don't Pharmacists dispose of unused drugs over the pond or do the Colonials all buy their Prozac from 7 Elevens?

Referring back to my recent post, perhaps that's what the kids are ferreting about for and using.

I can see them now in 60's mode saying, "Hey man, this is really good sh1t."

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pooped?

Well we all know that what happens over the pond usually gets dumped on these shores eventually.

It'll be in ones and twos to start with and then ........

I'll get my hiviz jacket.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Fly, Fly, Fly High Against The Sky

Toytown Constabulary have decided to jump on the bandwagon as far as Air Support is concerned and as reported by the local evening paper, to weed out Chinese cannabis cultivation in couthy country cul-de-sacs and leafy (sic) suburbs.

I have posted previously about this trend and note similar ventures elsewhere.

Are they boy's toys or could the money be better spent elsewhere. Let's have your views.

Personally, I think our own use, as described, is very positive given the geography of our region and the population density (or rather lack of it outside Toytown itself). I have seen comments on this subject downplaying the significance of this specific drug, but it is self evident from the alleged involvement of Triads that the cultivation of cannabis supports a myriad of other evils. Quite literally there is no smoke without fire.



The heat is on.

Potty Neighbours

My ikkle bruvver posts that according to the Scotsman the possible signs of a cannabis factory house include:

• Windows are permanently covered

• Comings and goings at unusual times

• People do not live there and only visit to maintain the premises

• By-products such as used fertiliser removed in black bin-bags or laundry bags

• A vent protruding through the roof or a rear window

• A pungent smell

• There may also be noise from the cooling fans.

Also if your neighbour is called Dave and he hugs hoodies it might just be another clue.

Now that you know - time to grass!

But be careful, there's a lot of kids only too happy to make your day.

It appears some have already been weeded out.

Doctor please.....

Doctor can you help me please

I'm laying on the floor

I need a glass of something

Like you gave me once before 

[lyrics from Doctor by Wishbone Ash]

I offer the view that for some addicts the prescribing of heroin might just take them away from crime and hopefully towards a structured withdrawal. If you agree you can sign a petition here. There's nothing to lose in trying and at least it would be better than this nightmare scenario...

This photo has upset some readers - the full story why is available by clicking here.

For those reading this in 2020, the broken links refer to a campaign by Barnardo's. The photo is from one of their 'stories'. 

Safe consumption rooms are a start in a health based drugs policy, which needs devolved. The Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 is also unsurprisingly no longer fit for purpose and deals only with the criminalisation of those involved with controlled drug misuse. 

The petition clearly fell on deaf ears.

Today you have Twitter and Facebook. Do your stuff. 🥰

Cold Turkey

As Victor Meldrew would say, "I don't believe it!"

Last time I looked the press were bleating about prisons being awash with drugs and inmates running away from open prisons to avoid taking drugs, but now it appears the poor souls cannot get their hands on their daily fix and the government are to pay out to avoid being sued for infringing their human rights. Will they disclose how much has been paid out?

Feel free to comment!

For other takes on this go to (w)PC Bloggs and Another Constable's posts.