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Posts

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Nice job if you can get it


Now I wouldn't want to accuse those in tertiary education of coming up with novel ways to fund their study of the bottom of drinks glasses, being as I had a first class degree in it, but this takes the biscuit.

I likes my tunes, so I am announcing publicly my availability for the follow up research into the effects of whisky and beer.

Speaking of which, and for the Police angle to this post, there are some folk who value their beer more than their offspring. Had to be from Oz didn't it?

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, May 09, 2008

Just do it

Let's Support Victims

Regular readers (there's one or two of you out there) will know I have been 'pushing' Burma's plight for some time now.


As if things couldn't get any worse, along comes a cyclone and devastates the country. The UN now estimates 1.5 million people will be affected by the storm and the way in which the junta has criminally not reacted to its responsibilities to the needs of Burma's population.

Are we surprised?

What are we to do?

Earlier this week we had the French saying they would donate only 250,000 million pounds because they feared the cash would go straight into the Generals' pockets. Britain stood tallish with the world's largest offer of 5 million quid. The Yanks attached all sorts of political strings as usual, despite Dubya's Missus fronting Burma's cause.

This week (aye, nearly a week later) the French sing another tune and Britain dithers.

For God's sake just get the aid in and let the Generals try and stop it.

.... and ladies get your undies out, as well as your cash, for Burma.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Rosy Lea


We are often culpable, us older Police bloggers, of looking at the past through rose tinted glasses.

But, here is a tale of serious woe suffered by our forebears in the 50's.

The tea situation would be "very serious" if there was a widespread attack on Britain by both A bombs and H bombs, a team drawing up contingency plans for food supplies said.

"The tea position would be very serious with a loss of 75% of stocks and substantial delays in imports and with no system of rationing it would be wrong to consider that even 1oz per head per week could be ensured," noted one official.

"No satisfactory solution has yet been found."

Sounds like Policing today.

Anyone for a cuppa?

What would Twining say?

"Make mine black" probably!

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Xtian 1 liners


Hat Tip to my American cousin Marion.

Don't let your worries get the better of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folk want to serve God, but only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but midgies come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better minister, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I didn't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a full stop.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task a head of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to.........discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, May 01, 2008

It's all about the Blues


Those of you reading this post on Planet Police expecting Polis based material - look away, it's got very little to do with Plodding. I do promise a worthwhile read all the same for those bloggers wondering why they bother to blog.

However, spare me this rare moment of celebration after two heartbreaking losses to Liverpool in semis over the last few years it just had to be third time lucky as I predicted and so it proved.

Anyhow, there I was on Tuesday on a step down shift to accommodate a trial on Wednesday when inevitably I get the email telling me the miscreant has pled guilty. Inconsiderate so and so! Does he not know this now means Mr Plod will no longer be on dayshift and have to be nightshift. There I had been planning a few cold beers in front of the TV and now I just knew there would be extra time. The full time whistle blows last night and Noddy makes this rapid transformation into Mr Plod and jumps in the motor rapidly switching to 5Live as he makes his way sharpish like to work for 10pm. I nearly crash as Essien 'scores' and then doesn't. Fortunately I'm parked at the back door of the sty when Lamps takes the penalty and so it goes on. You know the result.

Enough of that, more importantly I'm asking you first to go back in time and read this post, because unless you do the rest won't make sense. When you have, read on. You will also understand what I was referring to in my Sheep post.

I received these emails recently. They literally stopped me in my tracks. After getting them and seeing Lamps play last night, I just knew that Chelsea would win. (Forgot to put a pound on the Lottery though!)

1. -----Original Message-----
From: identity masked meantime
To: toytownContact@aol.com
Sent: Sat, 26 Apr 2008 12:07
Subject: Please forward to Noddy

My daughter popped into me yesterday and showed me what she had printed off from the internet, which was from Monday, 05 November 2007 "Since you Asked". As I read I began to have goose bumps, that was my Dad you were writing about (Sidney Popper) and it was lovely to have my memory jogged and other memories came flooding in. I lived Chelsea as a child, being lifted over the barrier on a Saturday afternoon and being thoroughly spoilt with lots of treats and sweets. Long train journeys to see away games and lots of memories of that box.
Thank you for making me remember.

xxxxxxxx name withheld meantime.

2. -----Original Message-----
From: identity masked meantime
To: toytowncontact@aol.com
Sent: Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:33
Subject: Sidney Popper

Hello
My grandfather was Sidney Popper. Thanks for your lovely story about him which I printed out and gave to my mum (his daughter). She was quite overwhelmed. All our family are still avid Chelsea fans although we don't have the box any more we have season tickets in the Upper East and my children go too (Sidney's great-grandchildren)

xxxxxxxx
name withheld meantime.

I replied as follows. I think it says it all.

Wow!

He was a toff, spoiled us rotten and I'm eternally grateful to him for introducing me to the Blues.

After today's result, there is still hope of 2 bits of silverware. It really is happy days down at the Bridge. It is only a shame they play 500+ miles away!

At least everyone will now believe me! They think I was making it up.

Both my parents died earlier than they should have and this week's news about Pat Lampard got me thinking of my own mother who only made it to 57 herself. Parents are never truly appreciated till you are one yourself and then when they depart early just as you realise this, it is a real blow. I do hope Sidney had a long life. I know it was full.

I wish you and your family well and I would be truly obliged if I could add your comment to my blog, if you would grant me the permission.

I've sent my 'little' brother a copy too as it will make him shiver (in a nice way!) as much as it did to me. It truly is a small world at times and if this isn't an example of how the internet makes it smaller I don't know what is!

My best regards,

Noddy

p.s. I've just re-read my post and notice I described Sidney as 'rotund'. I do apologise, but that's how I remember him, as a larger than life man, who let's be honest, for a man I met once and 40 years ago who's name I still remember and who's face I can still picture, he must therefore have been a true character.... so roundish and cuddly would have been better!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Half Time Scores

Well there's only one game really and it's:

Drogba 1 - Benitez 0

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Gotta Go

Apparently there's a footie game on Sky I need to watch. My fingernails await my teeth.

.... and well done United.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Sheep


I don't often go for the tagging or Meme thing, but what the heck. Mind you the last time I got accused of being a perv!

I have been tagged by RT over the pond so here goes.

Here are the rules if you decide to play along:

1) Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2) Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3) Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4) Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I'm going to follow RT's lead re categories, but I believe the 7 facts are open ended.

Stuff about me:

1. My first childhood pet was red setter x we named Mandy, who kind of came with the house we lived in whilst the old man was stationed in Malaysia. She was a stray, probably left by the previous owners, mangy, flea ridden and thin as a rake. You can see that changed a bit with some TLC. Sadly, when I was 13, we had to leave her over there to come back to chilly old Blighty. This time though we made sure she went to another RAF family to be loved as much as we did.

2. My first car was a white Mini I 'shared' with my little brother. He trashed it rallying it about Yorkshire when he was a student at Sheffield Uni. I, like RT, also had a VW Rabbit, only over here we call them a Golf. It was blue and bought in Germany (I got around!) Oh, and yeah, ickle bruvver trashed it as well!

3. Today, I got one of the most amazing emails I have ever had which proved the power of blogging. I will be revealing all once the sender gives me permission to publish it. I will link it here when she does. It will also give me an excuse to rabbit (nice link eh?) on about Chelsea FC again, not that I need an excuse.

4. I suffer from Acrophobia. So did my mother and her two sisters.

5. One of my jobs was as a market researcher for the Scottish Office on a national survey about Gaelic. I can now proudly say I have visited every Outer Hebridean island and a few other places in Scotland I wouldn't have thought of going to viz East Kilbride and Kirkcaldy!

6. I used to be a member of a civilian rifle club. Funnily enough, I am happy that I am unarmed as a Policeman. A proud British tradition!

7. I hate wearing jewellery or watches. The wedding ring is my only permanent concession and watches are only for work so I can tell when it's time to go home!

I'm tagging:

Totally UnPC - Police Sergeant and Mank presently drowning his sorrows.
Mousie - Casualty (ER) lassie
MIsssy - The Flying Martini
Dickiebo - Very old ex Plod
DBA Dude - Meantime drinking a lot of coffee
Uphilldowndale - I have mountains, she has hills.
AnneDroid - This lady has a vocation to truly be proud of.

Should be an eclectic mix.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Balls Up


I'm posting this article in full and directly. All I will say is that I am amazed the Polis haven't been blamed for not getting there quicker either.

A grieving mum sobbed as she heard how a paramedic was not allowed to treat her son as he bled to death.


Stab victim Stuart Baillie, 19, lay dying in the street after being knifed in the neck.


Paramedic Mairi Lennon was on the scene within minutes, but was banned from leaving her rapid-response vehicle as she was the only medic at the scene.

Yesterday's Daily Record exclusively revealed the scandal as unions warned of the dangers of replacing up to 70 ambulances with the one-person cars.


Stuart's mum Christine Halley said yesterday: "My boy might have been saved - we'll never know.
If a medically trained person is on the scene and there is someone bleeding to death, treatment has to be carried out. To suggest otherwise is madness. A rule which prevents a paramedic leaving their vehicle is unbelievable. It's unacceptable and has to be changed. It won't bring my son back, but it might prevent this sort of thing happening again."

Mairi had to watch for 13 minutes as Stuart's life slipped away in a street in Easterhouse.


Her terms of employment and an order from HQ banned her from getting out of her car at a violent incident without back-up. She had to wait for a two-man ambulance.


Christine, 40, of Ballieston, Glasgow, said: "The idea of a trained medical person sitting in a car looking on as my son lay in the street is too much to bear.
Stuart was attacked at about 12.15am. He died at the scene but was not pronounced dead until 5.30am. We'll never know what night have happened if he'd been treated straight away."

Christine did not even know a rapid-response paramedic had been called on the night her son died until the Record told her.
Sitting with son Scott and daughter Roxanne, she broke down in tears as she said: "I can't believe this - I'm struggling to even take this in."

Scaffolder Stuart had three sisters and two brothers. Roxanne, 17, said: "We can't understand the point of a paramedic being there and not being able to treat someone. Why send the paramedic in the first place?"


The Record told how paramedic Mairi, 35, would have lost her job if she had followed her instincts and helped Stuart.
She is convinced she could have saved his life and is off work with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the incident.

Unions highlighted the case as proof the Scottish Ambulance Service's shock plan to axe a chunk of the country's 435 ambulances could be deadly. The idea has enraged politicians, GPs and patient watchdogs.


Ian Lowrie, 19, was caged for 11 years last month for the culpable homicide of Stuart last August. A cabbie heard the thug on his mobile phone telling a pal: "I plunged the b******. I put it right through him." Gang member Lowrie was charged with murder, but admitted the reduced charge of culpable homicide. The court heard Stuart and a pal had rowed with Lowrie and one of his mates and Lowrie was hit with a bottle. He returned with a knife and stabbed Stuart repeatedly.

Christine said: "We've been let down badly by the justice system - but now this.
The police told me it was premeditated murder, as the killer fought with Stuart, went into a house to fetch a knife and came out and stabbed my son in the neck. How is that culpable homicide and not murder? A deal was done and it stinks. The first I knew about it was when the prosecution told me a deal had been done. I wasn't consulted - I was told. The final insult was when Stuart's killer winked at me in court. The experience has been a nightmare and to hear a paramedic could have had a chance at saving Stuart just made it worse."

The local rag had this telling quote;

Mr Baillie’s mother Christine said she blamed NHS cutbacks. She said: “I am just shattered, totally and utterly shattered. It is not right, it is not human, it doesn’t seem right at all. She (the Paramedic) sat there and listened to his screams. She said something like that would haunt her forever.”

Over to all you loons and quines to comment on this quandary.

Update: I am indebted to Captain America over at First In for this link to an equally thought provoking news report video from Philly.

OK folks, I've started a veritable fire-storm and here's even more.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Too soon


Only 58.

Thought are with Lamps Jnr & Snr.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Latest Sports News


Sources have advised Toy Town™ Times that John Arne Riise has been arrested.

Apparently he was caught driving the wrong way down the Motorway.


© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Disclaimer


Following a recent welcome plug over at Area Search No Trace, I have to point out on behalf of certain residents of Toy Town, that it is a categorical lie that we blog about cats incessantly.

However, after looking at Toy Town's stats, I find that the top Google search referrer is the string "pink cat". Second is "old people." Make of that what you will.

Anyhow, back to topic. Personally, this is more my view.....



Miss Pink Cat will not be amused.

By the way, Noddy asks me to tell you these are the newish sites he's keeking at these days.

POLIS

Nightjack
Met County Mounty
Life on Mars
Mad Max
Bobby Dazzler

OTHER SERVICES

Plastic Fuzz
SAS Lassie
Siren Voices

MOPS

Pink Quine
Halfhead
Bloodbus

Whilst I'm at it Mr Plod asks if, in a public service sort of way, I could direct folk to this site.

Woof!

© Bumpy Dog

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, April 21, 2008

An evil combination


Local Holiday weekends, full moons and lateshifts - that's what constitutes a cocktail of dread.

Well, I felt the full force of its hangover, believe me.

Working Time Directives were well and truly required to keep this body from nodding (sic) off last night (and morning) in particular.

Add that to an apparent
lack of Plods and it was all hands to the deck. Does anyone actually PLAN for these situations, or do they just sneak up on them?

However, there were two bright moments to keep me smiling.

Firstly, our 'star' witness at a court case I had last week was being grilled by the defence about a stabbing and the teenage loon was asked, somewhat sarcastically by the brief, if he had any medical qualifications. After a short pause the loon replies, "Aye min, I've got
ADHD."

Just as well I didn't have
this loon along for corroboration, otherwise we'd have been totally gubbered.  Is it any wonder there's a sad lack of convictions?


Secondly, I had cause to administer a very gentle (honest) single palm fend off with my weak arm to the upper torso (or chest for the MCP's amongst you) of a member of the fairer sex who was trying to extricate a ne'er do well from our grasps. She teetered backwards
somewhat drunkenly in her high heels on the cobbles and fell rather unceremoniously on her gluteus maximus. Whinging to a colleague of mine, she stated; "Look, I dinna mind be'en knocked doon, but I've pished masel." Class!

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Lost in Translation - innit?


Wotcha,

Jist every so aften I scribble doon a few lines in the Doric. 'At' s fit Toytooners spik, min.

It seems some folk cannae get a grip o' fit a' these new folk fae the continent are yappin on aboot.

Well, it seems that even the natives fae the southside of the Smoke cannae get themselves understood either.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

57 varieties of Nannying


You know that old chestnut that if you ban something, you just make it more attractive.

Well it's time to buy shares in Heinz and any other squidgy sauce products.

Mind you, I have mentioned the lethal effects of eggs before and whatever happened to good old fashioned shaving foam?

Whatever will be next on the banned list?

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

WiiPlayer


Nintendo News - BBC iPlayer to be made available on the Wii.

Great - you'll be able to keep up to date with items like this, which I (and others) previously posted about, in between manically manoeuvring Mario.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hilarious


Well it looks like it will be third time lucky for the Blues after last night's result.

Speculation is rife as to the sort of headwear Cech will be wearing should he be fit for the ties against Liverpool.






Chelski players do have a fair stock of suitable items.











In my days as a Caman wielding nutter such attire would have been considered a wee bittie saft. As the lyrics in the video below state;

We don't play for fame,
We don't play for cash.
We just play for glory,
And the clash of the ash.



p.s. Oh, Bollox!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, April 05, 2008

I cannae help masel...


... I just hae tae dae it, min.

Fit?


Aye noo, ye ken a' yon folk doon in Follyrood fa are iywiz on aboot new ideas, the latest een being takkin the age of imbibing up tae 21, weel the Daily Mash has a gae guid tak on it.

I hae telt yi afore that een aff the wrist can be a good alternative.


© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, April 04, 2008

Shocking News


In the wake of my recent blurb about the volume of assaults on the Polis, the SPF have come up with this blinder. Why do we have to have half measures?

I'm all in favour of giving us the tools to protect ourselves, but what is the use of tasers being
in the car when you need them on your person. I can picture the scene when you have to ask the axe wielding nutter to kindly hang on a wee minute whilst we go and get our prongs. Could you imagine if they asked us to do that with our CS or batons?

I can't see the foot patrols (sorry too many sherries, I'm beginning to hallucinate) being happy about their protection level being second class.


© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Road Hogs


For older Toy Town based readers who remember Lawson's piggie lorries, this is not something you see that often these days.....

"It was a terrible scene, Pigs everywhere."

Captions welcome.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times