Too soon

Only 58.

Thought are with Lamps Jnr & Snr.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Latest Sports News

Sources have advised Toy Town™ Times that John Arne Riise has been arrested.

Apparently he was caught driving the wrong way down the Motorway.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Disclaimer

Following a recent welcome plug over at Area Search No Trace, I have to point out on behalf of certain residents of Toy Town™, that it is a categorical lie that we blog about cats incessantly.

However, after looking at Toy Town's stats, I find that the top Google search referrer is the string "pink cat". Second is "old people." Make of that what you will.

Anyhow, back to topic. Personally, this is more my view.....



Miss Pink Cat will not be amused.

By the way, Noddy asks me to tell you these are the newish sites he's keeking at these days.

POLIS

Nightjack
Met County Mounty
Life on Mars
Mad Max
Bobby Dazzler

OTHER SERVICES

Plastic Fuzz
SAS Lassie
Siren Voices

MOPS

Pink Quine
Halfhead
Bloodbus

Whilst I'm at it Mr Plod asks if, in a public service sort of way, I could direct folk to this site.

Woof!

© Bumpy Dog
Published by Toy Town™ Times

An evil combination

Local Holiday weekends, full moons and lateshifts - that's what constitutes a cocktail of dread.

Well, I felt the full force of its hangover, believe me.

Working Time Directives were well and truly required to keep this body from nodding (sic) off last night (and morning) in particular.

Add that to an apparent lack of Plods and it was all hands to the deck. Does anyone actually PLAN for these situations, or do they just sneak up on them?

However, there were two bright moments to keep me smiling.

Firstly, our 'star' witness at a court case I had last week was being grilled by the defence about a stabbing and the teenage loon was asked, somewhat sarcastically by the brief, if he had any medical qualifications. After a short pause the loon replies, "Aye min, I've got ADHD."

Just as well I didn't have this loon along for corroboration, otherwise we'd have been totally gubbered.  Is it any wonder there's a sad lack of convictions?

Secondly, I had cause to administer a very gentle (honest) single palm fend off with my weak arm to the upper torso (or chest for the MCP's amongst you) of a member of the fairer sex who was trying to extricate a ne'er do well from our grasps. She teetered backwards somewhat drunkenly in her high heels on the cobbles and fell rather unceremoniously on her gluteus maximus. Whinging to a colleague of mine, she stated; "Look, I dinna mind be'en knocked doon, but I've pished masel." Class!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Lost in Translation - innit?

Wotcha,

Jist every so aften I scribble doon a few lines in the Doric. 'At' s fit Toytooners spik, min.

It seems some folk cannae get a grip o' fit a' these new folk fae the continent are yappin on aboot.

Well, it seems that even the natives fae the southside of the Smoke cannae get themselves understood either.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

57 varieties of Nannying

You know that old chestnut that if you ban something, you just make it more attractive.

Well it's time to buy shares in Heinz and any other squidgy sauce products.

Mind you, I have mentioned the lethal effects of eggs before and whatever happened to good old fashioned shaving foam?

Whatever will be next on the banned list?

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

WiiPlayer

Nintendo News - BBC iPlayer to be made available on the Wii.

Great - you'll be able to keep up to date with items like this, which I (and others) previously posted about, in between manically manoeuvring Mario.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hilarious

Well it looks like it will be third time lucky for the Blues after last night's result.

Speculation is rife as to the sort of headwear Cech will be wearing should he be fit for the ties against Liverpool.





Chelski players do have a fair stock of suitable items.











In my days as a Caman wielding nutter such attire would have been considered a wee bittie saft. As the lyrics in the video below state;

We don't play for fame,
We don't play for cash.
We just play for glory,
And the clash of the ash.



p.s. Oh, Bollox!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

I cannae help masel...

... I just hae tae dae it, min.

Fit?

Aye noo, ye ken a' yon folk doon in Follyrood fa are iywiz on aboot new ideas, the latest een being takkin the age of imbibing up tae 21, weel the Daily Mash has a gae guid tak on it.

I hae telt yi afore that een aff the wrist can be a good alternative.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Shocking News

In the wake of my recent blurb about the volume of assaults on the Polis, the SPF have come up with this blinder. Why do we have to have half measures?

I'm all in favour of giving us the tools to protect ourselves, but what is the use of tasers being in the car when you need them on your person. I can picture the scene when you have to ask the axe wielding nutter to kindly hang on a wee minute whilst we go and get our prongs. Could you imagine if they asked us to do that with our CS or batons?

I can't see the foot patrols (sorry too many sherries, I'm beginning to hallucinate) being happy about their protection level being second class.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Road Hogs

For older Toy Town™ based readers who remember Lawson's piggie lorries, this is not something you see that often these days.....

"It was a terrible scene, Pigs everywhere."

Captions welcome.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Assaulting the Polis

Just a quickie before bedtime.

Watch it before the Beeb remove it from their playlist.

Thanks to Plastic Fuzz for the linky. See, PCSOs can be useful!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Searching for filth

Oh go on yersel, try a search at Woolies for 'duster'.

Methinks they need to clean up their search engine!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

No nuts to play with

There is much in the news today, but surely this report should take the front page.

Modern day weans probably don't get to partake in this ancient sport any more due to the H&S crowd or some PC nonsense about banning armed combat at skools, but I remember well all the tricks of the trade, like soaking my nuts in vinegar to get that extra edge.

I'm glad to see some skools are still at it - so to speak.

Caution - there are pictures of kids at the last link, but their identities have been obscured. That's nice.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pondering, Police and Pandas

I'm in plagiarist mode tonight, so I thought I'd bring your attention to this soon to be top seller at Waterstones et al. Thanks to Dickiebo for bringing it to my attention.

Oh, and the photo - that's from a member of the public across the pond.

There is a tenuous link between the Polis and Pandas.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wrong Thong Doo

Men should not wear thongs - Discuss.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Stationary Traveller

Certain HMG Ministers do not like being cheek by Jowell with the prols.

What is it about champagne socialists that they want us all to live in harmony just as long as certain things are NIMBY?

Mind you, even poor old Basil Brush can make a faux pas when it comes to our Romany friends.

It's just as well then that my mob stick clear of such evil racists.



© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

C'mon if you think you're hard enough

I did suggest a while ago that perhaps the Home Internationals should be resurrected.

I keeked at the snoozetastic game across in Paris, but frankly it was a dreich affair.

After checking out the latest results against 'useful' opposition, I think we Jox may have a good chance!

England v Croatia
Croatia v England

France v England
France v England

Scotland v Croatia
Croatia v Scotland

Scotland v France
France v Scotland

Anything is possible.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Snowy Saturday

Easter? Spring?

Yesterday at work, the howling ice cold gales straight off the Arctic ripped through me like a knife.

Today I woke up to this on my day off. If it stays like this for tomorrow, my eggs won't be rolling anywhere.

Dog seems happy though.

For those of you still out there working, wrap up.

Me I'm back off to my bed with a hot cup of java, imagining what it must be like to be sinking a pint of Guinness over in Singapore.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sex and Games for the Aged

Not having quite reached the landmark half century myself and membership of SAGA, I have this warning for the likes of Dickiebo and the Asda Annihilator.

Once upon a time there were lager louts, now it seems there's Saga Louts.

Brits abroad, you gotta luv 'em.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times