Did I forget to mention.......

...... the Carling Cup?

Not Nicker's Knickers

The latest in a long list of recent whines from the incarcerated is reported by the Beeb to be the whinge that inmates at the Barlinnie Hilton are not provided with their own underwear and sometimes the underwear they are provided with is not properly cleaned.

I'm going to be controversial for a moment in stating that most crims I have met are strangers to soap and a strip search should probably be conducted with a mask as well as the rubber gloves. A wire brush and disinfectant wouldn't go amiss too!

Next thing they'll be wanting butlers and silver service.

Scunnered by Satan's Spawn

Inspector Gadget has asked that we all link to this post.

There was no need to ask boss!

Not so "Invincible" Driver

I'm not sure I can add anything or put it any better.

Just read and weep!

Legends

Reuters report that a group of U.S. tourists, including a former Marine, killed a Costa Rican mugger by breaking his neck after he pulled a gun on them in a Caribbean port, a local police official said on Thursday.

The cruise ship passengers told police they jumped on Wagner Segura, 20, to defend themselves when he pointed a .38 calibre revolver at them near the Caribbean port of Limon on Wednesday, and somehow snapped his neck, regional police director Luis Hernandez said.

Segura died instantly and two other unidentified thieves, one of whom was armed with a knife, fled the scene, Hernandez said. "One of the tourists was a former Marine and he was probably the one who broke (Segura's) neck," Hernandez said. "His neck was completely snapped."

No charges will be filed against the tourists because police viewed the incident as an act of self-defence.

Police questioned and released the group, which rejoined the cruise and left Costa Rica.

The Americans were passengers aboard the Carnival cruise ship Legend. They got off their tour bus to take photos in a notoriously rough neighbourhood a short drive from Limon.

After the attack, they put Segura's body on their bus and found a police officer in Limon to report the incident.

Now what would Tony McNumpty say about this?

Phew! Good News to report

Amongst all the doom and gloom, some good news to report.

Potty Neighbours

My ikkle bruvver posts that according to the Scotsman the possible signs of a cannabis factory house include:

• Windows are permanently covered

• Comings and goings at unusual times

• People do not live there and only visit to maintain the premises

• By-products such as used fertiliser removed in black bin-bags or laundry bags

• A vent protruding through the roof or a rear window

• A pungent smell

• There may also be noise from the cooling fans.

Also if your neighbour is called Dave and he hugs hoodies it might just be another clue.

Now that you know - time to grass!

But be careful, there's a lot of kids only too happy to make your day.

It appears some have already been weeded out.

Happy Birthday Noddy

Birthday Wishes from the Ickle Bruvver

Tony is a Spammer

As I suspected in my previous blog, Tony would be spammed when he sent out his reply to us 1.7 million plus folk who signed the E.Petition.

AOL dumped (sic) his reply to me, but here it is just in case you didn't get one or it was spammed into the ether....

E-petition: Response from the Prime Minister

The e-petition asking the Prime Minister to "Scrap the planned vehicle tracking and road pricing policy" has now closed. This is a response from the Prime Minister, Tony Blair.

Thank you for taking the time to register your views about road pricing on the Downing Street website.

This petition was posted shortly before we published the Eddington Study, an independent review of Britain's transport network. This study set out long-term challenges and options for our transport network.

It made clear that congestion is a major problem to which there is no easy answer. One aspect of the study was highlighting how road pricing could provide a solution to these problems and that advances in technology put these plans within our reach. Of course it would be ten years or more before any national scheme was technologically, never mind politically, feasible.

That is the backdrop to this issue. As my response makes clear, this is not about imposing "stealth taxes" or introducing "Big Brother" surveillance. This is a complex subject, which cannot be resolved without a thorough investigation of all the options, combined with a full and frank debate about the choices we face at a local and national level. That's why I hope this detailed response will address your concerns and set out how we intend to take this issue forward. I see this email as the beginning, not the end of the debate, and the links below provide an opportunity for you to take it further.

But let me be clear straight away: we have not made any decision about national road pricing. Indeed we are simply not yet in a position to do so. We are, for now, working with some local authorities that are interested in establishing local schemes to help address local congestion problems. Pricing is not being forced on any area, but any schemes would teach us more about how road pricing would work and inform decisions on a national scheme. And funds raised from these local schemes will be used to improve transport in those areas.

One thing I suspect we can all agree is that congestion is bad. It's bad for business because it disrupts the delivery of goods and services. It affects people's quality of life. And it is bad for the environment. That is why tackling congestion is a key priority for any Government.

Congestion is predicted to increase by 25% by 2015. This is being driven by economic prosperity. There are 6 million more vehicles on the road now than in 1997, and predictions are that this trend will continue.

Part of the solution is to improve public transport, and to make the most of the existing road network. We have more than doubled investment since 1997, spending £2.5 billion this year on buses and over £4 billion on trains - helping to explain why more people are using them than for decades. And we're committed to sustaining this investment, with over £140 billion of investment planned between now and 2015. We're also putting a great deal of effort into improving traffic flows - for example, over 1000 Highways Agency Traffic Officers now help to keep motorway traffic moving.

But all the evidence shows that improving public transport and tackling traffic bottlenecks will not by themselves prevent congestion getting worse. So we have a difficult choice to make about how we tackle the expected increase in congestion. This is a challenge that all political leaders have to face up to, and not just in the UK. For example, road pricing schemes are already in operation in Italy, Norway and Singapore, and others, such as the Netherlands, are developing schemes. Towns and cities across the world are looking at road pricing as a means of addressing congestion.

One option would be to allow congestion to grow unchecked. Given the forecast growth in traffic, doing nothing would mean that journeys within and between cities would take longer, and be less reliable. I think that would be bad for businesses, individuals and the environment. And the costs on us all will be real - congestion could cost an extra £22 billion in wasted time in England by 2025, of which £10-12 billion would be the direct cost on businesses.

A second option would be to try to build our way out of congestion. We could, of course, add new lanes to our motorways, widen roads in our congested city centres, and build new routes across the countryside. Certainly in some places new capacity will be part of the story. That is why we are widening the M25, M1 and M62. But I think people agree that we cannot simply build more and more roads, particularly when the evidence suggests that traffic quickly grows to fill any new capacity.

Tackling congestion in this way would also be extremely costly, requiring substantial sums to be diverted from other services such as education and health, or increases in taxes. If I tell you that one mile of new motorway costs as much as £30m, you'll have an idea of the sums this approach would entail.

That is why I believe that at least we need to explore the contribution road pricing can make to tackling congestion. It would not be in anyone's interests, especially those of motorists, to slam the door shut on road pricing without exploring it further.

It has been calculated that a national scheme - as part of a wider package of measures - could cut congestion significantly through small changes in our overall travel patterns. But any technology used would have to give definite guarantees about privacy being protected - as it should be. Existing technologies, such as mobile phones and pay-as-you-drive insurance schemes, may well be able to play a role here, by ensuring that the Government doesn't hold information about where vehicles have been. But there may also be opportunities presented by developments in new technology. Just as new medical technology is changing the NHS, so there will be changes in the transport sector. Our aim is to relieve traffic jams, not create a "Big Brother" society.

I know many people's biggest worry about road pricing is that it will be a "stealth tax" on motorists. It won't. Road pricing is about tackling congestion.

Clearly if we decided to move towards a system of national road pricing, there could be a case for moving away from the current system of motoring taxation. This could mean that those who use their car less, or can travel at less congested times, in less congested areas, for example in rural areas, would benefit from lower motoring costs overall. Those who travel longer distances at peak times and in more congested areas would pay more. But those are decisions for the future. At this stage, when no firm decision has been taken as to whether we will move towards a national scheme, stories about possible costs are simply not credible, since they depend on so many variables yet to be investigated, never mind decided.

Before we take any decisions about a national pricing scheme, we know that we have to have a system that works. A system that respects our privacy as individuals. A system that is fair. I fully accept that we don't have all the answers yet. That is why we are not rushing headlong into a national road pricing scheme. Before we take any decisions there would be further consultations. The public will, of course, have their say, as will Parliament.

We want to continue this debate, so that we can build a consensus around the best way to reduce congestion, protect the environment and support our businesses. If you want to find out more, please visit the attached links to more detailed information, and which also give opportunities to engage in further debate.

Yours sincerely,

Tony Blair

Further information

Both the 10 Downing Street and Department for Transport websites offer much more information about road pricing.

This includes a range of independent viewpoints, both for and against.

You can also read the Eddington Report in full.

You can reply to this email by posting a question to Roads Minister Dr. Stephen Ladyman in a webchat on the No 10 website this Thursday.

There will be further opportunities in the coming months to get involved in the debate. You will receive one final e-mail from Downing Street to update you in due course.

If you would like to opt out of receiving further mail on this or any other petitions you signed, please email optout@petitions.pm.gov.uk

Somewhere in Perthshire

Somewhere in Perthshire,
originally uploaded by Noddy & Mr Plod.

Back from an all too brief few days away and went for some chill in the Highlands.

0/10 - See me please.

A number of media sources such as the Beeb and in more detail The Independent report today that Unicef research entitled Child Poverty in Perspective: An Overview of Child Well-being in Rich Countries shows that our yoof fare worst out of 21 countries.

That may surprise some and not others, but being bottom of the class is surely an indictment of the failure of the promised policy of Education, Education, Education.

n.b. click on photo for larger size.

Up in smoke

Following hard on the heels of the European Community's call for a Europe wide ban on smoking, here comes the hard evidence that it won't be getting full support.

Spam, spam, spam......

The Register reports that Tony Blair is planning to put even further strain on Number 10’s creaking IT infrastructure, by emailing everyone who’s signed the infamous petition against road charging.

Apparently there have been cabinet level mutterings suggesting whoever dreamt up the e-petition scheme was a “prat”, even the transport secretary said, in effect, “debate is good…but we’re doing it anyway.”

Nice to know they listen!

Home turf?

My ickle bruvver has observed that:

"Turncoat Brown is again trying to ingratiate himself with our southern neighbours by supporting the English FA's possible bid for the 2018 World Cup."

Stewart Maxwell MSP, the Scottish National Party's culture spokesman, said:

"Good luck to England, but I suspect that Gordon Brown's support for the bid is more about politics than sport, and his desire to ingratiate himself with the English electorate in his desperation to get into No 10."

Opinions in England were apparently all for going for the bid whilst most in Scotland appeared not to care.

However, the Chancellor appears intent on demonstrating how much he identifies with English voters as he explained:

"I have been around the world, I have been in Asia, America and Europe, and I think there is great support for England having it 50 years after we won the World Cup in 1966," Mr Brown said yesterday.

I assume Mr Brown has now become English. Good luck to them.

P.S. Note to the F.A. Watch out for the VAT.

P.P.S. By the way Scotland are of course the real World Champions as evidenced here. And will of course be the current holders of the Cup on the 24th March of this year when they beat Georgia almost 40 years to the day since they last held the Cup after beating the English at Wembley.

What.... an overweight Polisman?

The Scotsman reports that a couple of loons tried impersonating the Polis to stop a car in the Capital to impress a quine.

One was too overweight to fool her and the other individual was too young.

And there was me thinking "the Polis get younger every day."

Well the lass could always ring Lothian & Borders new 999 service personned by volunteers and explain all about these charlatans. Good luck to her.

Time to put my feet up

It's a special day today. Yep, it's my first block of Annual Leave.

I'm told there's something else significant about today, but I can't recall what it might be.

I have no idea what's going on here

Does Bill Gates know what's going on here?

"He is Scum and should be treated as Scum"

Not my words, but those of a murdered child's mother in respect of a Paedophile who, as reported in the local evening paper;




"Has now joined the queue of money-grabbing cons hoping to cash in on the fact they have to slop out."

If these crims were as inventive in their money making schemes on the other side of the prison walls, then perhaps they would not keep ending up on the wrong side of them.

This is just one of a growing list of suits/challenges to the Prison Service such as this and this.

If the Liberal Democrats have their way there won't be a SPS to sue.

Boro Boro - the Revenge

Jose cannot make his mind up what's funnier; Abel Xavier's hair or his own goal. Or he might have heard this ditty.

The Smogmonster hoodoo is now put to rest.

Boxed 6 feet down under

Reuters report that environment lovers can now take their passion to the grave.

An Australian funeral company is offering coffins made of recycled paper and cardboard as part of a move towards more environmentally friendly funerals.

Being a canny Scot I thought this would be a cheap, alternative way to go!

Unfortunately, the report tells me that the coffins had "a natural, smooth look," but would cost about the same as other coffins.

Never daunted, I did some research and came up with this.

Screwing the System

The Beeb report that a convicted rapist is launching court action claiming his human rights are being breached because he has not been granted early release from jail.



In this case, No definitely, categorically means No.

It's hard enough to get a conviction for rape, so we are told, and then the ECHR comes to the rescue of the crim at the expense of the victim (and potential victims given that the parole board said the public risk he posed was considered "unacceptable").

That would be another case brought to court at OUR expense.

Weather report for Toytown

Given all the fuss down in Englandshire, I thought you might like to be kept up to date with the weather up here in Northern Jockland.

He's embarrassed?

According to the Scotsman, a convicted criminal is taking the Executive to court over the message played before phone calls are accepted on outgoing calls.

The message is as follows:

"This call originates from a Scottish prison. It will be logged and may be recorded and/or monitored. If you do not wish to accept this call, please hang up."

You have to feel sorry for the poor guy whose only crime, this time, involved holding a knife at the throat of a shop manageress and is serving a minor sentence of 21 years at the moment.

Not only is he being allowed to take this to court, but You and I are paying for it.

After a lengthy battle to secure thousands of pounds in legal aid, Stewart Potter, 43, has taken a case to the Court of Session in Edinburgh, claiming the phone message "is an ... embarrassing reminder to his family" that he is calling from prison.

He has served previous sentences of four, six and eight years and was given a nine-year term in 2001 for armed robbery.

In 2002, he stood trial for another robbery, committed just before the nine-year sentence had been imposed. In that case, he threatened the manageress of a Glasgow off- licence with a knife, then ordered her and a customer into a toilet. He fled with £292 but was arrested after police used CS spray to disarm him.

He was jailed for 12 years, to begin at the end of the nine-year sentence.

You must have some thoughts.

n.b. Mercilessly nicked (sic) from my ickle bruvver - ta loon.

There's snow business like ...

One or two softie sassenachs have been posting about the wee dusting of sna they've been having.

We are unfortunately used to these conditions and well prepared for it most of the time. Some types love it.

I mentioned in a previous post the question of what would happen if they got sna in the 'Smoke.' Well it looks like they PANIC, call the Police and ask, "Well, what are you going to do about it?" I'd tell them to move to sunnier climes, like Spain.

I leave my final word on this to the The Register.

Off his head

Just read a report from the Beeb in which they describe how a man was caught driving at 70mph down the A9 near Auchterarder whilst shaving.

He apologised to the Polis, telling them he was late for a lecture he was due to give on First Aid and Health & Safety.

Inside his car were a number of mannequins used for CPR training (aka Resusiannies).

I bet the Polis were bristling with annoyance at this 'expert' on health and safety. He was a hair's breadth away from giving himself a rather nasty nick as illustrated.

It always gets me in a lather when I hear of clowns speeding. It is not clever, manly etc etc.

Apparently not everyone agrees though as can be seen here and here.

Personally, I prefer my close shaves to be at home.

Some folk are never happy

A certain Scottish Force has spent an alarming £10,000 on Tasers and then never bothered to use the things, according to local reporting.

This is clearly an utter waste of resources and I think we should just go out and zap the first toe rag we see just to keep everyone happy that we are utilising our gizmos.

On the other hand we could sell them off and just resort to jumping up and down... at least it's cheaper.

Time: 1800hrs. Location: Main St., Toytown

BusyBizzie has posted about Road Pricing and Gridlock.

Armed with my ancient mobi and no-one to happy slap I took this pic tonight on my way home.

My own private bus from the city centre to suburbia!

Is it any wonder the roads are clogged with cars.

And as James Brown would have put it, ecologically speaking that is, "I feel good!"

Should YOU arrest?

PC Bloggs - a Twenty-first Century Police Officer - has posted advice on whether mops should arrest ne'er-do-wells here.

I must caution Scots readers that this applies only to the other parts of the UK, but the post and link made me laugh, then cry, at the sheer absurdity of it all.

The comments make interesting reading too, so check the full post out.

As someone else has said before .... you couldn't make this up.

Finally,

“Men sleep peacefully in their beds at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf” - George Orwell

Personality analysis from just four questions

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Thinking

Apparently I am: Objective, honest, and credible Intellectually curious, with many diverse interests More inclined toward ideas than people Fiercely independent and unapologetically unconventional

What's Your Personality Cluster?