To be serious for a moment

Occasionally I post about matters relating to autism.

Occasionally I come across a genuinely well written, sober, thought provoking article.

This article speaks for itself, which is more than can be said for Sky.

For more on this read here.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Burns Night in Buckie

Locals would hardly describe Buckie as a hot spot, but one local hostelry is doing its level best to offer customers a little extra.

I particularly liked the locals name for the establishment. Hardly inspiring. Perhaps the landlord would be better off dimming the lights completely.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's a Shame I work in Toytown, because.....

......Toyland, far I bide, has topped the list of rural places with the best quality of life in Scotland – for the second year running.

And in the whole of the UK, Toyland also comes in second place.

With a high life expectancy, low unemployment rates and great weather*, Toyland shot to the top of the quality of life rankings.

And Toyland residents agree with the Bank of Scotland survey which looks at all aspects of life from traffic flow to crime statistics.

Lynda Forrest, from Banchory’s sweet and ice-cream shop Continental Cream, was born and brought up in the area – and loves it!

The 49-year-old, who lives in Crathes, said: “Living in the countryside is relaxing with a great quality of life. It is a great place for work and leisure The only drawback is that with people wanting to live here, it is expensive.”

The Bank of Scotland survey confirmed house prices were high compared to the rest of the country.

The survey also named Toyland as top spot last year.

To celebrate, the Evening Express handed out Smile, You’re In Toyland stickers.

The campaign was backed by Donald Trump who chose Balmedie for his new world-class golf resort.

The only place that beat Toyland in the quality of life ratings in the whole of the UK was Monmouthshire in Wales.

Must be something to do with the sheep.



* - great weather? I beg to disagree!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hyperbole

In a joined up, multi-agency, partnership approach, I speculate as to whether my own employers will be visionary enough to take on board this initiative.

Spotting these could be the basis of a new game to amuse yourself at any face-to-face engagements with our stakeholders or at team empowerment meetings.

Shouldn't be difficult as it is a long list of all-encompassing hyperbollox. Do feel free to add any other gems you have to deal with in your own particular sphere of employment and do cascade this piece of information through your own partnerships and networks.

Do you recognise any of these at your workplace?

(Comments always welcomed).

Across-the-piece

Actioned

Advocate

Agencies

Ambassador

Area based

Area focused

Autonomous

Baseline

Beacon

Benchmarking

Best Practice

Blue sky thinking

Bottom-Up

CAAs

Can do culture

Capabilities

Capacity

Capacity building

Cascading

Cautiously welcome

Challenge

Champion

Citizen empowerment

Client

Cohesive communities

Cohesiveness

Collaboration

Commissioning

Community engagement

Compact

Conditionality

Consensual

Contestability

Contextual

Core developments

Core Message

Core principles

Core Value

Coterminosity

Coterminous

Cross-cutting

Cross-fertilisation

Customer

Democratic legitimacy

Democratic mandate

Dialogue

Direction of travel

Distorts spending priorities

Double devolution

Downstream

Early Win

Edge-fit

Embedded

Empowerment

Enabler

Engagement

Engaging users

Enhance

Evidence Base

Exemplar

External challenge

Facilitate

Fast-Track

Flex

Flexibilities and Freedoms

Framework

Fulcrum

Functionality

Funding streams

Gateway review

Going forward

Good practice

Governance

Guidelines

Holistic

Holistic governance

Horizon scanning

Improvement levers

Incentivising

Income streams

Indicators

Initiative

Innovative capacity

Inspectorates

Interdepartmental

Interface

Iteration

Joined up

Joint working

LAAs

Level playing field

Lever

Leverage

Localities

Lowlights

MAAs

Mainstreaming

Management capacity

Meaningful consultation

Meaningful dialogue

Mechanisms

Menu of Options

Multi-agency

Multidisciplinary

Municipalities

Network model

Normalising

Outcomes

Output

Outsourced

Overarching

Paradigm

Parameter

Participatory

Partnership working

Partnerships

Pathfinder

Peer challenge

Performance Network

Place shaping

Pooled budgets

Pooled resources

Pooled risk

Populace

Potentialities

Practitioners

Predictors of Beaconicity

Preventative services

Prioritization

Priority

Proactive

Process driven

Procure

Procurement

Promulgate

Proportionality

Protocol

Provider vehicles

Quantum

Quick hit

Quick win

Rationalisation

Rebaselining

Reconfigured

Resource allocation

Revenue Streams

Risk based

Robust

Scaled-back

Scoping

Sector wise

Seedbed

Self-aggrandizement

Service users

Shared priority

Shell developments

Signpost

Single conversations

Single point of contact

Situational

Slippage

Social contracts

Social exclusion

Spatial

Stakeholder

Step change

Strategic

Strategic priorities

Streamlined

Sub-regional

Subsidiarity

Sustainable

Sustainable communities

Symposium

Synergies

Systematics

Taxonomy

Tested for Soundness

Thematic

Thinking outside of the box

Third sector

Toolkit

Top-down

Trajectory

Tranche

Transactional

Transformational

Transparency

Upstream

Upward trend

Utilise

Value-added

Vision

Visionary

Welcome

Wellbeing

Worklessness

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Please sign this

Please sign this.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

A quick post

My thoughts are with the PSNI and their kith and kin just now after the latest atrocity across the water.

Keep safe guys and girls.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

OMG ....

.... the hornies over the pond get stuck right into their feral yoofs.

FOMCL.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Every little (person) helps

For the eagle-eyed.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

What a load of snowballs

This is brilliantly daft!

This collieshangie, as reported by the Beeb, is.... well just add your thoughts below.

... for safe virtual fun try this.

© Chill BIll
Published by Toy Town™ Times

What a lot of weather we've been having!

Icicles 05,
Uploaded by Toytowner.

Any more of this malarky and I will be able to touch this icicle. (Click the photo for more of the same and a bigger view).

Meanwhile it seems that Tesco, whilst apparently cheaper than ASDA, are having to do some DIY.  They are not alone in having holes in the road similar to those created by a small IED and the new sport of dodging the potholes on our local roads.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Seen on a noticeboard......

.... somewhere.

It seems it might not be so amusing elsewhere.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Taxi for Tevez

I wish I had been the one to stop this motor! 

What a dummy.

Nice pic over at the Sun of Car Loss Tevez.  Geddit?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Inbred?

I quote from the Scotsman....

A hill farmer has devised a cunning plan to rid his fields of a plague of rabbits. Paul Coppen, 69, camouflaged his vintage Massey Ferguson tractor as a cow – complete with a firing platform and a gunslit.

He admitted the disguise – a black and white cow under a tree painted on a wooden board fixed to the side of the vehicle – was not foolproof.

The former technical manager for ICI in the north of England said: "One of my neighbours, Stan Mitchell, came up with the idea and helped me out, and I just went with it. I hoped the rabbits would ignore the fake cow, thinking it was another member of the herd, presenting a stationary target for the rifleman as I drive about."

"A driver-cum-rifleman was camouflaged behind a picture of a tree above the cow. Maximum angle of fire was achieved by pointing the air-rifle through a horizontal slit above the cow, like the firing positions in Second World War pillboxes."

"Not all rabbits are fooled. Whereas cattle do move around, trees usually don't and that may be a problem."

Now check out the video!

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Use your imagination

Have a go yourself!

H/T to Nightjack.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Simples

Just click the logo......

......and for more fun facebookers can try this.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Stop Press: Obama is a Jock

HRH the Duke of Rothesay and his missus have had a sneak preview of the new Prez's inauguration attire.

The man is a multi-cultural marvel!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Going for Gold

The ever wonderful Top Gear has a problem.

Given the probable demise of the 'White Stig' and the previous demise of the 'Black Stig', I was contemplating the next colour prefix that could be selected.

In the spirit of diversity and inclusiveness, I had considered the possibility of Pink, but clearly there would be issues if that Stig was ever outed.

I'd thought next of yellow, but that doesn't really conjure up the right macho image.  

Purple was the next brainwave, but I ditched that after considering the Mayhem (sic), Jezza, the Hamster and Captain Slow might create with descriptions of the new Stig's headwear.  

Blue suffers from the same problems and would ensure the programme had a post watershed slot.

Clarkson, "Red Stig - I think not."

Silver sounded good if only for its alliteration, but silver is only second.

Therefore, may I be the first to suggest there is only one alternative.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sootycide is painless

A Sweeping statement I know, but any more of this nonsense and I will Sue on behalf of all children's characters.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 2

My winter festival celebrations start.... now!

Thanks to UHDD for the pic by the way. I wonder if this place would have looked the same?

Since Xmas Eve I have been carrying out duties as what might be described as a Custody Corporal and there has been one common theme transcending most of the 'customers', a theme it will take you hopefully less than a goldfish's memory span to deduce, but here's a clue....

As can be surmised from the www address of my site, I like my whisky and beer, but for some unknown reason, I do not end up fighting, spitting, caterwauling etc. after a few refreshments. It is my opinion that excess drink can, I say CAN, bring out the worst in folk, but I firmly believe the spark of evil must already be there to be lit, burst into flame and envelop all around in its incandescence.

I have been known to 'binge' drink, but somehow I always make it home safely and don't end up squaring up to folk or thrashing her that has to be obeyed on my return home.

It seems some folk are just disposed to violence and anti-social behaviour and drink is not an excuse for their behaviour, merely a catalyst.

This hogmanay our SMT described the city centre celebrations as a success with few arrests. They are right. The absolute vast majority of the considerable throngs enjoyed themselves without incident. It was the few that failed to heed the equally considerable tolerance of my colleagues, with warnings about extended stays in the suites we provide abounding given that our Sheriffs like their time off (although to be fair the Courts sat last Saturday and will sit tomorrow), that passed through my door mostly, as I said before, horizontally. They were quite simply the dregs. How often and how simply do the Polis have to explain to these vacuous eejits how to be civilised?

I can assure the SMT that down in my little world it was not quiet, but I can accept, having seen the state of the folk in the custody suite that these were the folk that no-one can mitigate against.

DRINK DRIVING?

Added to those were the other clowns (or I could put it more succinctly - potential killers) who, despite warning after warning and campaign after campaign, arrived after blowing positive roadside breathtests. I have no sympathy for them either and I hope their bans are extended and fines increased to show how ignorant and inconsiderate they are particularly at this time of year.

Anyhoo, must stop moaning.

Back to the news from Alba.

Down in the Central Belt there's folk who obviously haven't been to Torry.

In the wonderful world of disputes over nothing, this one takes 2008's special prize. At least his sentence was long enough so that he didn't 'get off' with community service.

Here's a festive turn suited to the Special Branch.

If you ever visit the Gordon Highlander's Museum be sure to give the cafe staff a nice tip. That made me proud of my country folk.

This didn't ... In the Polis we are regularly faced with violence. Unwarranted as it is, we at least have some protection. These folk don't and the level of violence shown to them is a disgrace.

There has to be one festive entry regarding political correctness gone mad and this is it.

Having trawled the news for snippets for you to savour, it's back to drink again! I'm told it's a national pastime.

Drunk driver or driven to drink?

Polis spoilsports?

I posted about this and this a while back and I am delighted with the common sense result. However, there may be problems with other names that have been suggested for some of Scotland's brews.

Mind you there's folk down south who don't even need a drink to make a tit of themselves.

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~ Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Slainte.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Same old, same old

Well here I am safe at a very quiet home, sipping, nae slurping on my large uisge beatha.

I was seconded to Custard Occifer duties last night and most of the never ending patrons appeared to come in horizontally and to have consumed entire distilleries.

Moderation?

Drinkwise?

Och well, at's it o'er for anither year.

Here's to a quiet nicht the nicht as Scotland enjoys its extra public booze up day, but after last nicht's experience, it might just have been the warm up.

Hope you all had a safe and sensible night.

Must depart as the dram needs topping up.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times