Noddy has advised me that after a week off his work on holiday he has at last managed to chill sufficiently and forget about work.
It is only when you stop that you realise just how stressed and caught up you were in your job.
Mr Plod can apparently now be forgotten about for another two weeks.
© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times
.... don't do the crime could be the best way to sum this report's findings up.
I have my sympathies for the weans left behind when mothers commit crime, but to suggest that because you are of a certain gender excuses you from the level playing ground of custodial sentencing, is somewhat bizarre.
Your thoughts are welcome.
© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times
The last word ....
When the car ignited and the bomber ran from the vehicle jabbering insanely, he suddenly exclaimed,"Poor wee cowerin', timerous beastie."
At which point it became apparent to all how bad his Burns was!
Update:
Given that it appears that Kafeel (unfortumate name in Scots) Ahmed is unlikely to survive his burns, here is a poem from Rabbie that is probably appropriate.
Remorse: A Fragment
Of all the numerous ills that hurt our peace,
That press the soul, or wring the mind with anguish
Beyond comparison the worst are those
By our own folly, or our guilt brought on:
In ev'ry other circumstance, the mind
Has this to say, "It was no deed of mine:"
But, when to all the evil of misfortune
This sting is added, "Blame thy foolish self!"
Or worser far, the pangs of keen remorse,
The torturing, gnawing consciousness of guilt-
Of guilt, perhaps, when we've involved others,
The young, the innocent, who fondly lov'd us;
Nay more, that very love their cause of ruin!
O burning hell! in all thy store of torments
There's not a keener lash!
Lives there a man so firm, who, while his heart
Feels all the bitter horrors of his crime,
Can reason down its agonizing throbs;
And, after proper purpose of amendment,
Can firmly force his jarring thoughts to peace?
O happy, happy, enviable man!
O glorious magnanimity of soul!
© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times
Fit like abidy?
Large Lugs here in from the garden with another of my occasional wise observations.
I nearly weed myself reading this report from Sky News.
Barking. Completely barking!
I'm stumped at how stupid some of you humans can be sometimes. Anyway, it was good to see that the dyed money nipped the problem in the bud so to speak.
I think he should get the birch.
What a prune.
© Big Ears
Published by Toy Town™ Times
....... or Jukebox Jury?
I couldn't quite decide which byline to use, but either way, it just goes to show how far these little 'toys' have permeated all areas of society.
I wager that this errant young lassie will come to realise just how fundamental Jury Service is as part of a British Citizen's duty.
However, I wonder how much the apparent religious affiliation of the perpetrator had to do with the media interest in this incident. If it had been a chavette in a hoodie would it be so news worthy? Amusing yes, but I cannot help but think that there is an underlying agenda in the reporting.
I rather suspect her fascination with technology and rock'n'roll might not go down so well with her own religion's elders, but it is not as if I haven't suffered the onslaught of modern technology coupled with ancient belief systems, such as when living in an Islamic country I was woken at 5am by Muezzins calling the faithful to prayer from minarets bedecked with multiwatt amplified speakers that wouldn't have looked out of place at Glastonbury. Give me a merry bunch of campanologists any day!
Anyway, help is at hand for the poor wee lassie.
Nevertheless, when the sentencing time comes round I can almost hear the Judge uttering those immortal words of Brummie Janice Nicholls from the contemporary programme 'Spin a Disc', "I'll give it five."
p.s.
Those clever 'Jobbers' have also come up with the latest gizmo for British Airways' check-in staff.
© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times
Quiet please and pay attention. Time to concentrate.
Are you sitting comfortably and ready to go?
Then have a look at my sidebar and add your choice on the poll for the most stressful occupation.
Once you have, (i.e. nae swicking) you can check this out.
Surprised?
Marks out of ten?
Did you pass?
Do you need medical attention or ......
..... someone to shout at?
There's enough clues so don't think you are a swot getting it right by reading (sic) the answer first!
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
I have posted previously about whether it is safe to go away on holiday leaving your house to the care of your teenage kids.
Given the fact that I have on numerous occasions gone downstairs to be greeted by a smell emananting from the front door so pungent that I think the dog has died in her snoozee bed, this report of an incident our German colleagues attended has me even more worried, and that's before I think of the problems at the airports.
I will leave the loon strict instructions (again) to leave his footwear in the box provided for same (Yes, they are that bad!) and how to use the washing machine.
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
No, nothing to do with needle stick injuries, but it is a full grown shambles.
It would appear that the current state of the NHS has much to do with the recent terrorist activities both sides of the border.
Not content with having so few trained Doctors that they have to hire Al Quaida cell members, now it would appear, in an unintended blow to the terrorists planning, faulty NHS syringes stopped the two London bombs igniting.
Makes you confident and proud of the good old NHS doesn't it.
I'm sure I could have given them a hint on where to get some reliable gear.
© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times
Fit like abidy? Large Lugs here with one of my occasional wise observations.
I was just popping in from the garden when I caught a glimpse of Saving Planet Earth on the Beeb.
Anyone else find it ironic that in the middle of a park* we find Mr Titchmarsh sat upon a leather armchair?
I know cows aren't especially endangered (in danger perhaps), but given the general gist of the programme, isn't that a little insensitive?
* - Scots for field.
© Big Ears
Published by Toy Town™ Times
Pucker up ladies, it's National Kissing Day.
I'm sticking my neck out tonight - since it's the weekend!
Virtual pecks accepted.
Who thinks up these daft ideas?
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
In the midst of severe terrorist threats, rising interest rates, flooding, Kate and Wills et al, what do the people at The Sun think should be front page news?
Bestiality..... and then we'll have 'fun' with some corny puns. Must be a slow Friday. I will not be yoked into such low behaviour.
Seen below is our heifer humper making a quick getaway.
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
Picture the scene.
You are woken from a deep sleep by your pet puppy yelping and another dog snarling and set to attack your little ball of fluff.
What do you do?
Well if you live in China you throw watermelons at it and then sink your teeth into - no, not the other watermelons you keep by your bed, but the attacking mutt's neck till it dies.
Don't believe me?
Check this report out from Sky News.
Over here you'd expect a visit from the SSPCA if you did that.
Imagine - throwing fruit at animals. Who'd have thought it?
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
A timely email is doing the rounds - it goes something like this:
Glasgow v America
If this had happened at a US airport as compared to Glasgow would these be some of the Eyewitness accounts?
America: "Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about, I just ran for my life. I thought I was gonna die, he got so close to me."
Glasgow: "C*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good boot, then decked him."
America: "I just wanna get home, away from here. I just wanna get home, I thought I was gonna die."
Glasgow: "Here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a feckin' plane!"
America: "There was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn't know what was hapening, I thought I was gonna die."
Glasgow: "Feck this fir a kerry oan, maun, we'll get a pint in."
America: "We thought he was gonna blow us all up. He had a gas canister and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran for my life."
Glasgow: "A swaggered by the motor that wis on fire and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis 'n fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws."
America: "There was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought I was gonna die."
Glasgow: "There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that."
America: "I'm too traumatised even to speak, I thought I was gonna die."
Glasgow: "Here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it."
& finally, two genuine quotes from a real eye-witness aka John Smeaton.
Alan Johnston said in my favourite quote from various reports, "I think three years of Gaza as a correspondent followed by four months of kidnap in Gaza is probably more Gaza than most people need in their lives and I do not think I will be going back for some time."
But, it is good news for his family and mixed emotions for him as reported by The Economist.
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
There's nothing more embarrassing than being 'hoisted by your own petard'.
Having been spared visitation by 'Cuddles' previously, he has been 'brave' enough to leave a comment here, which I have not moderated.
I replied. Feel free to comment if you can be bothered to joust with this merchant banker or if you want to show your righteous respect for Jon's memory
© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times
I was making one of my regular visits to the ever wonderful spdk blog and found that they too have a flickr™ page showing their SMT in their finest outfits (not a hiviz to be seen).
Pictured here are the Sooper himself and the Woman's Police Station (sic) boss.
Check the photos out.
Other than these two, it appears that part of the IPS uniform is an obligatory moustache, unless you have a crown (oops, bit too colonial there) on your shoulder or you are of the fairer sex.
Mind you the WPI looks like ..... well you decide.
© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times
There's bin an affa lot o' rubbish in the news lately aboot foreigners coming o'er to oor toons and makkin a richt stoor o' oor public places, but ken fit , 'is really is dirty tricks, the rotten Bulgars.
I wis thinkin' we could fire o'er oor finest Jock Public to wheelie sort 'is crimewave oot. He could gie the local polis a hand again and help them get a few clean ups en 'a. Maybe he'll get the gang leader, Bin Hiden.
© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times
What with all that's going on in the rest of the country, let's spare a moment again for Jon Henry's kith and kin on the day of his funeral.
It is just under a month ago that Jon met an untimely death and our prayers and thoughts should be for his soul, as Joe90 beautifully put it:
