Elysian fields

A wee(gie) Davy & Boaby joke from the Glasgow Guide:

n.b. This post has been scrutinised and fails to meet Human Rights legislation and diversity protocols. Tough titty.

An on duty Gendarme spots a hire car approaching the Champs-Élysées with a rear light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Boaby & Davy. Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.

Gendarme: Ah, you are on holiday my friends?
Davy: Aye, that's right big yin. We've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years.

Gendarme: So I guess you come to France to get away from ze rainy weather you have in Ecosse?
Davy: Naw, it nearly always pishes doon when we come here. Your weather's nae better than oors, in't that right Boaby?
Bobby: Aye.

Gendarme: Zen I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy.
Davy: Naw, yer food's rotten big man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of pieces to avoid eating your crap.

Gendarme: Zen you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely.
Davy: Yer swally's boggin, we've hid tae bring a kerry oot. In't that right Boaby?
Bobby: Aye.

Gendarme (by now ever so slightly bemused): Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne madamoiselles, ze most beautiful women in Europe.
Davy: Yer kiddin in't ye! The burds here are dogs, ah widnae touch them wae yours big yin.

Gendarme (by now rather irate): Zen why do you people come to our country if everysing ees so bad?
Bobby: It's the only chance oor Davy gets tae drive!

....... and there was you thinking the tag would be about a certain footie match.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times