A Life to Give

A Life to Give from Stirling University Production on Vimeo.

I might just ken a loon involved in helping put a' this agither. 

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Getting Shirty

Diversity issue or good old fashioned teasing?

Anyone on the end of constant references to 1966 will be all too happy to see these items sell like hot cakes now!

Jimmy Hill you are a..... ooops can't sing that any more either, but then WE won't even be there, so who has the last laugh?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Viewpoints

The little world of Toytowner's™ most 'famous' inhabitant has been in upheaval and continues to be so. As such I've had little time to update the blog, but here goes with some catch up.

This decision passed with a worldwide whisper once again!

It seems Mrs 'T' was not always a Unionist - well we knew that this side of our border!

I found this article from the Beeb professionally amusing if only for the completely non-diverse nature of the report. Easy now, having a dig at Poles and the Irish all in one article - naughty Auntie.

Some folk will make any excuse for taking a dram.

Certain constituents know just where they are not going to put their 'Y' at the next election.

The nanny state continues unabated with such classics (sic) as this. Keeping on the food tack, this is genuinely more worrying, if of no great surprise.

Equally I worried a bit about the degeneration in what used to be the pillars of society when I read this blurb. Role models? Perhaps they should look no further than the impressive Eddie Izzard.

Finally, for all acrophobics out there this made me wibble and wobble.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Toytown Tartanistas

Apparently Richard Littlejohn (sic) doesn't agree with the tone of my previous post.

I quote from the Daily Wail (with comments from me appended thus);

"Gordon Brown's yellow streak is the width of the Yangtze river

Two years ago, almost to the day, a sheep sneezed in Scotland. Twenty minutes later, Gordon Brown was on every television channel in full Commander-in-Chief mode.

He was going to be tough on sheep and tough on the causes of sheep (Gadget's got that in hand). We could sleep soundly in our beds.

The next day, it rained. Pausing only to discard his knotted hanky and off-duty Harris Tweed beach jacket, Gordon helicoptered back to London to convene an emergency meeting of Cobra in a bunker deep under Downing Street. Holidays are for wimps.

And lo, it came to pass, the flood waters subsided. Not since Moses had there been a more crucial intervention.

The BBC and the boys in the bubble went wild, hurling their knickers on stage. How lucky we were to be led by a man of such towering, Churchillian greatness.

No more lies, no more evasion, no more spin, no more stunts. Just firm, decisive action. Not Flash, just Gordon.

In those heady days of summer 2007, no crisis was too small to warrant the personal attention of the new Prime Minister.

If you'd found a spider in your bath, one phone call to Downing Street and Gordon would be there with his big clunking fist, Sky News crew in hot pursuit.

Two years on and it's a different story. The father of the nation has done his trademark disappearing act.

While the civilised (?) world recoils in disgust from the early release of the only man convicted of the worst ever terrorist atrocity on British soil, Gordon is nowhere to be found.

As Toytown Tartanistas strut the stage, the Prime Minister is hiding behind the sofa.

The man who wrote a letter of condolence after John Terry missed a penalty (Now, you really are winding me up), and found the time to ring Piers Morgan to inquire about the mental health of a contestant on a television freak show, apparently has no opinion whatsoever on the greatest single rift between Britain and the United States of America since the Boston Tea Party. (Being a tad late showing up for WW1 and WW2 might rank a wee bit higher).

His new best friend, President Obama, is spitting feathers. He has interrupted his own vacation on Martha's Vineyard to condemn this outrageous affront to justice.

But the man ultimately responsible for this humiliating debacle is remaining resolutely schtum.

We used to have a labrador who behaved like Gordon. Whenever he broke wind, he'd look away in the misguided belief that if he couldn't see you, you couldn't see him and the source of the foul smell enveloping the living room would remain a mystery.

Be in no doubt that despite his desperation to pass the buck, Gordon Brown is up to his neck in the decision to release the Lockerbie bomber.

Six weeks ago, he wrote a 'Dear Muammar' letter to the Libyan leader asking him not to make a song and dance about the homecoming of Abdelbaset Ali Mohamed Al Megrahi and wishing him a Happy Ramadan.

Gordon was perfectly well aware that the falafel was about to hit the fan. Megrahi's release had formed an integral part of every recent trade and diplomatic negotiation with Gaddafi.

Little Alex Salmond may be basking in vainglorious mischief, but the daisy chain of duplicity and deceit leads right back to Downing Street and the treacherous triumvirate of Brown, Blair and Mandelson.

Salmond is a bit-part player in this dark farce, the political equivalent of Ally MacLeod, the football manager who led Scotland to hilarious ignominy in the 1978 World Cup. (At least we were there!)

Six weeks ago, Gordon Brown wrote to Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi asking for a low-key response to Megrahi's homecoming.

When I watched the Saltire being waved alongside the Libyan flag as Megrahi arrived back on home soil, I was reminded of the victory parade MacLeod staged in front of 25,000 delirious fans at Hampden Park before his squad had even boarded the plane to Argentina:

We're on the road with Alex's army, We're all going to Tripoli!

In the event, Scotland were stuffed by Peru, just as Salmond has been kippered by Libya, whatever he might kid himself.

The subplots swirling around this squalid affair, such as whether or not Megrahi is actually guilty, are all academic.

Of course he wasn't the mastermind, any more than the bloke who bought the rucksacks for the London Transport bombers was their Mr Big. But he was convicted in a British court of law (Wrong again - Scottish Court under Scots Law sitting in Holland) and, cancer or no cancer, letting him out after eight years is, as Mandelson would say, 'offensive' to those who died and their families.

None of this is of any consequence to the main actors in this demeaning, disgusting drama. They live in their own squalid soap opera, while the rest of us can for now only either watch with horror or avert our eyes.

In their amoral universe, there is little difference between theatrically letting Jade Goody's boyfriend out of prison for his stag night and freeing a convicted terrorist involved in the murder of 270 innocent civilians.

It's all a game to these cynics. Surely, say the sophisticates, Gordon wouldn't have gone along with this simply because he thought it would damage the SNP at the next General Election.

That's precisely why he would have gone along with it. Every decision he ever takes is predicated upon what it can do for him personally and how much damage it will inflict on his political opponents. And to hell with the consequences.

Despite the preening world statesman posturing, Gordon is as much of a petty, point-scoring, partisan pygmy as the puffed-up playground posers in the SNP. (An abundance of aimless and absurd alliteration).

His stony silence is almost eloquent, serving both to insult our intelligence and remind us of the yellow streak the width of the Yangtze which passes for his backbone.

Imagine how this looks from the American end of the kaleidoscope. They had asked for Megrahi to be tried in Scotland because they believed in British (?) justice. Now they've discovered what a sick joke modern British justice (Scots Law is ancient - muppet) really is.

And consider what our front-line soldiers, many from Scottish regiments and sent to risk their lives fighting terrorism alongside the Americans in Afghanistan, must make of this shameful decision to show 'compassion' to a man convicted of this country's worst-ever terrorist attack.

Makes you proud to be British."

Want my opinion Dick?

Hate is an inevitably unrewarding state of mind......

....and frankly the decision based purely on OUR law, and not transitory but understandable feelings, made me proud to be Scottish.

p.s.

He missed out on mentioning, during his bizarre anti everything Scottish rant, the 6th greatest goal of all time.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Come over here and say that!

Not content with moving Scotland into England, the Yanks are now desecrating our national dress (sic).

Hat Tip to Frank Chalk.

Some Yanks are on the ball, so to speak!

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Red alert

It is a well known fact that Scotland has the highest proportion of red haired individuals in the world.

But, be warned. Calling them anything other than strawberry blonde may result in hate crime procedures and anti-discriminatory action.

Having read (sic) the article, I wonder if there might not have been another meaning to the Twitter comments and that might explain the suspension.

And, as a warning, my Central Belt cousins had better come up with a new name for fizzy pop.

Is no one allowed to tease any more?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

New Charity

I need £300 sharpish.

Any donors out there?

Goodwinner and McNumpty, you have some spare cash I believe.

p.s. I cautioned myself against references to a nip as this might have been considered non-diverse.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

What a load of snowballs

This is brilliantly daft!

This collieshangie, as reported by the Beeb, is.... well just add your thoughts below.

... for safe virtual fun try this.

© Chill BIll
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Stop Press: Obama is a Jock

HRH the Duke of Rothesay and his missus have had a sneak preview of the new Prez's inauguration attire.

The man is a multi-cultural marvel!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Going for Gold

The ever wonderful Top Gear has a problem.

Given the probable demise of the 'White Stig' and the previous demise of the 'Black Stig', I was contemplating the next colour prefix that could be selected.

In the spirit of diversity and inclusiveness, I had considered the possibility of Pink, but clearly there would be issues if that Stig was ever outed.

I'd thought next of yellow, but that doesn't really conjure up the right macho image.  

Purple was the next brainwave, but I ditched that after considering the Mayhem (sic), Jezza, the Hamster and Captain Slow might create with descriptions of the new Stig's headwear.  

Blue suffers from the same problems and would ensure the programme had a post watershed slot.

Clarkson, "Red Stig - I think not."

Silver sounded good if only for its alliteration, but silver is only second.

Therefore, may I be the first to suggest there is only one alternative.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sootycide is painless

A Sweeping statement I know, but any more of this nonsense and I will Sue on behalf of all children's characters.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 1

You might have noticed from my sidebar that due to the apparent demise of fellow Polis bloggers, I appear to be the only Polisperson posting from north of the border.

I feel it incumbent upon me then to keep everybody up to date with the weird and wonderful happenings, Polis related or otherwise, up in the frozen wastelands of God's own country.

Following on from what might be considered the pilot post, I have decided to post regularly on such matters and I have these following offerings for you.

BBC NEWS | Scotland | North East/N Isles | Pub-goers to be tested for drugs

Random drug testing attacked - Press & Journal

Well at least it's a better plan than this or this.

Maybe Mr Rumbles should have a peek at this before he opens his mouth and puts his foot in it.

Twining will like this snippet.

Up here in Draconia we still occasionally persecute, sorry prosecute, very wee weans. But just to level the playing field, I believe adults will now have to suffer like the little children. It's significant that once the pain is to be meted out on adults, a furore starts. I did warn you. A crafty US judge has taken this principle even further.

We have just celebrated St Andrew's Day and Gadget will be interested to note this ovine method of marking the occasion.

You can read this snippet and make your own mind up. I have. Get off your behind, quine.

A while back I bleetered on about prostitution. I think that the Polis are going to say to the Law Makers, "We told you so."

By far and away my favourite snippet recently has to be the Spiderpig debacle. Brilliant.

As regular visitors will know, I have a passion for whisky (in moderation of course) and our wonderful Chancellor and his boss, despite being Scots, seem determined to destroy the industry and dent my pocket. I have four related offerings to mull over whilst you sip (very slowly) your dram.

Outrage at tax raid on the whisky industry - Press & Journal

Excise duty increase leaves a bitter taste - Press & Journal

BBC NEWS | Scotland | 'Whisky sour' claim after Budget

BBC NEWS | Scotland | Whisky duty rise 'to be revised'

I cannot leave you without commenting on what's happening down south. The new Government inspired (tongue firmly in cheek) Police Pledges leave me awestruck and this article's heading sums it up;

Police will respond quicker to burglary victims if they are 'upset' - Telegraph

I have yet to entertain a genuine complaint of housebreaking from a cheerful householder! I'll let Jacquie Spliff know when I do.

Secondly, I note there's been a bit of a stooshie over some CCTV footage again. Don't mess with me has posted the most illuminating take on this in my view. I also direct you to a previous post on the Perils of CCTV from my good self.

Finally, Jox Vox rule.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Time to get bizzy, apparently.

Personally, I thought I had been, but it seems I need to address some learning points.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Seeking attention

I was directed to this site by UHDD. I watched the video at the same time as I was considering another post on autism related matters in respect of an article I read.

Please take time to watch the video and read the article/comments.



The point the video makes and one that hit home was that making snap judgements without investigating properly can seriously discriminate against those with conditions they would not wish upon their own worst enemies.

As stated, coincidentally, I had seen the headline about Gary McKinnon and was about to launch into a tirade about why the heck should British taxpayers have to fork out for his detention over this side of the pond, when suddenly the fact that he has Aspergers grabbed my attention. I hope to God that the USA's intoxication with all things security related does not cloud the fact that Gary may not have had the restraint in his actions that you or I might imagine as 'normal.' I will be watching that case with interest.

Never, ever, think that those with problems with their noggins are less human than you or I.

Why?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Change we need

Once you go Barack, you never go back.

I am aware that fellow bloggers are split on who should have won the US Election.

I don't know if Obama can live up to the hype and rhetoric, but I do know that his election heralds a new era as far as diversity is concerned. Let's face it he has been welcomed with open arms by most black and white constituents even though he is actually mixed race. That, I think, speaks volumes about change in the USA and I hope will project a more tolerant attitude to others abroad and a similar sympathetic response from us foreigners to the US. God knows the USA needs an image overhaul abroad!

In terms of genuinely amazing events this stands up with other sights I never thought I'd see in my lifetime such as the fall of the Berlin Wall.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Ma heid is yarkin'

A while back I posted about the lack of a sense of humour at the Portman group in relation to various Scottish ales and their names.

I'm glad to report, well actually update from the Beeb, that the world is not square and I quote,

"A House of Commons motion has been tabled aimed at protecting a Scottish ale called Skull Splitter.

The Orkney Brewery fears the product could be withdrawn from sale following a report commissioned by alcohol watchdog the Portman Group.

It has been claimed its Viking-branded bottles have an aggressive theme.

Orkney and Shetland MP Alistair Carmichael said losing the name would be a serious setback, and called for the complaint to be rejected.

Skull Splitter, an 8.5% ale created more than 20 years ago, is sold internationally. The brewery said the ale was in fact named after Thorfinn Hausakluif, the seventh Viking earl of Orkney, nicknamed "Skull Splitter".

Mr Carmichael said the name would be inappropriate if it were a low-priced drink aimed at youngsters. But he said it was an award-winning beer which is bought by discerning drinkers who appreciate its quality and who drink it responsibly".

Orkney Brewery's parent company, Sinclair Breweries Ltd, earlier said it was "stunned" by the complaint and hoped for "common sense".

The Portman Group confirmed a complaint was being investigated."

Common sense - fit?

Meanwhile, as pointed out by DBA Dude over at his blog, said brewery (which now owns the Atlas brews) is doing its bit for Red Squirrels with its new brew. As DBA says, no fluffy tailed beasties are used in the brewing process, but let's wait till the Portman Group hear about that one. They'll go nuts.

Aye an' anither thing, fit does this tumshie think he's dae'n? Dis he nae ken it's the mither tongue?

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

But the Bish bashed back

I'm keeping my posts short and snappy today.

"He's a great leader and doesn't cloud his views in political correctness."

OMG!

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Not as we

Am I alone in wondering what “ism” I can tag myself with to claim that I’ve been discriminated against?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

That Wenus Voman

Fit am I tae dae?

She fit haes tae be obeyed has bin spikkin in tongues recently fit I dinna unnerstan.

Noo, usually it's affa difficult to mak oot fit she's bleetering aboot, partly due tae the fact she's a quine onywiy, bit add on her Invernesian twang and I'm dumfoonert maist o' the time.

Aye, I ken a sair fecht, bit listen up it gets wirser.

She's takken to spikkin in Dyslexic.

I caim hame the ither day an' she tells me 'at there's a domestic crisis seein' as a, "splug wis parkin". I'm nae quite sure far hid the wirse loose connection.

Then the ither nicht I asks her fit she wanted fae the chippie an' she answers, "een o' they Humbo Jaddocks." Eftir 'at I wis affa worried I'd repeat said phrase fan I wis doon at the shoppie.

But, she left the best far fan she wis keekin at the telly at sum cookery programme. Add the teuchter accent and say after me, "I've nivver had lack of ram."

Noo, surely yiv hae a pucklie o' examples yersel tae tell us a' aboot.

n.b. Diversity rating : 0/10

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Gay sheep shocker

What on earth is going on in the English Countryside?

Inspector Gadget must investigate this immediately and report back in triplicate, not forgetting of course, the additional report to the LGBT ovine liaison officer.

... and just what are the Llamas doing about this?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times