Où sont vos chapeaux?

Not wishing to make light of the passing of a colleague, but I have a feeling I know what some SMT types would have reacted to first on seeing this report and pic.

Repose en paix.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

An offensive weapon.

Dick!

Do I really need to say anything else?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

That figures

Fit Like?

Many changes here in Toy Town™ and the pic is a wee clue.

I will get back to blogging proper soonest, but this article requires immediate comment.

Far be it from me to suggest the disingenuous scaremongering that the Tories might have engendered by suggesting crime was rife under our present leadership, but isn't that a wee bit more worrying than to have the audacity to suggest statisticians might have their wondrous figures questioned, and I quote.......

"I must take issue with what you (Shadow home secretary Chris Grayling) said yesterday about violent crime statistics, which seems to me likely to damage public trust in official statistics." - Sir Michael Scholar's letter to the Conservatives.

Get real!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Season of Ill Will

In reference to my last post;

Was I right or was I wrong?

Let's just say my overtime claim forms were piling up.

Thank the Lord that I am off over Mahogany or otherwise Toy Town™ Constabulary would be bankrupt what with my Jonah stylee luck!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Save a Prayer

Season's Greetings one and all.

I ask you to save a prayer today for this remarkable lady.

While you are at it, spare a thought for my colleagues who are out at the coalface today. Stay safe.

Finally, when you are surrounded by the warmth of your family and friends today, and those of you who might consider saying Grace, cast your minds towards those who are far away on the real front line fighting for us.

.... and yes, cast a thought on what this day is really about celebrating.

Now playing: Duran Duran - Save a Prayer
via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Gutted.

Another bad decision Mr Home Secretary.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Safer Scotland

A pat on the back?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Noddy's Noble Prize

It's Prize week.

Crimestoppers have been on the local agenda this week and in my own fashion of promoting their good work, here is a gent whose actions also require genuine acknowledgement and he has nothing to be humble about.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 3

Time for a skirl fae the loon o'er the happenings up in yon pairts.

First off there's little 'n' large. Go on guess which one interests me more? Staying on topic, this is just plain daft. Where on earth are you going to get a Scotsman to pay 10K for a comparatively wee bottle? As it happens, Glenfiddich is one of the few drams I would turn down anyway. Not for me, even if I had a hotline to Derren Brown. However, this does interest me.

Meanwhile a local brewery has a novel approach to helping tackle the country's binge-drinking culture.

Linking on the theme of alcohol, I liked this crumbly's honesty.

Conversely, as an antedote, the following story jumped out at me and in my best Sun headline mode I decided on: Little Toads!

Apparently, Sir Terry Wogan has said, "I can't go back to Toy Town™." As folk up here would say, "You big Jessie."

It's now official, a heap of money has been lost in translation. Teaching English is not going to help when our visitors are confronted with the Doric!

..... and finally a word or two about our apparently shrinking ovine friends.

I started off this post whining about being fleeced, but there is only one winner in that category, especially as our roasting hot summer has done for a predecessor.

Dun.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities?

This has nothing to do with Top Ten crimes etc, but reveals the wonderful world of Karen Matthews' thought processes.

Isn't it heart-warming to know she's loved up again.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Anyone spot this on a front page?

Cop mowed down by balaclava wearing Scooby driver. Yawn.

NOT VERY NEWSWORTHY IS IT?

Get well soon David.

H/T to the Pink Quine for spotting it in the depths of rural news from south of the border, but on a lighter note she found a cracker from our colleagues in Denmark which surpasses even the flip flops farce.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities

200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

To be serious for a moment

Occasionally I post about matters relating to autism.

Occasionally I come across a genuinely well written, sober, thought provoking article.

This article speaks for itself, which is more than can be said for Sky.

For more on this read here.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 2

My winter festival celebrations start.... now!

Thanks to UHDD for the pic by the way. I wonder if this place would have looked the same?

Since Xmas Eve I have been carrying out duties as what might be described as a Custody Corporal and there has been one common theme transcending most of the 'customers', a theme it will take you hopefully less than a goldfish's memory span to deduce, but here's a clue....

As can be surmised from the www address of my site, I like my whisky and beer, but for some unknown reason, I do not end up fighting, spitting, caterwauling etc. after a few refreshments. It is my opinion that excess drink can, I say CAN, bring out the worst in folk, but I firmly believe the spark of evil must already be there to be lit, burst into flame and envelop all around in its incandescence.

I have been known to 'binge' drink, but somehow I always make it home safely and don't end up squaring up to folk or thrashing her that has to be obeyed on my return home.

It seems some folk are just disposed to violence and anti-social behaviour and drink is not an excuse for their behaviour, merely a catalyst.

This hogmanay our SMT described the city centre celebrations as a success with few arrests. They are right. The absolute vast majority of the considerable throngs enjoyed themselves without incident. It was the few that failed to heed the equally considerable tolerance of my colleagues, with warnings about extended stays in the suites we provide abounding given that our Sheriffs like their time off (although to be fair the Courts sat last Saturday and will sit tomorrow), that passed through my door mostly, as I said before, horizontally. They were quite simply the dregs. How often and how simply do the Polis have to explain to these vacuous eejits how to be civilised?

I can assure the SMT that down in my little world it was not quiet, but I can accept, having seen the state of the folk in the custody suite that these were the folk that no-one can mitigate against.

DRINK DRIVING?

Added to those were the other clowns (or I could put it more succinctly - potential killers) who, despite warning after warning and campaign after campaign, arrived after blowing positive roadside breathtests. I have no sympathy for them either and I hope their bans are extended and fines increased to show how ignorant and inconsiderate they are particularly at this time of year.

Anyhoo, must stop moaning.

Back to the news from Alba.

Down in the Central Belt there's folk who obviously haven't been to Torry.

In the wonderful world of disputes over nothing, this one takes 2008's special prize. At least his sentence was long enough so that he didn't 'get off' with community service.

Here's a festive turn suited to the Special Branch.

If you ever visit the Gordon Highlander's Museum be sure to give the cafe staff a nice tip. That made me proud of my country folk.

This didn't ... In the Polis we are regularly faced with violence. Unwarranted as it is, we at least have some protection. These folk don't and the level of violence shown to them is a disgrace.

There has to be one festive entry regarding political correctness gone mad and this is it.

Having trawled the news for snippets for you to savour, it's back to drink again! I'm told it's a national pastime.

Drunk driver or driven to drink?

Polis spoilsports?

I posted about this and this a while back and I am delighted with the common sense result. However, there may be problems with other names that have been suggested for some of Scotland's brews.

Mind you there's folk down south who don't even need a drink to make a tit of themselves.

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~ Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Slainte.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Dead Jolly

Just back from a very long shift that started teatime yesterday.... all say ahh!

As a famous dead Scottish TV detective once said, "There's been a murder."  As anyone Polis related will know, no-one actually says that - it's just a suspicious death till the charges are laid, but it was a good line.

Meanwhile a leading Scot commemorates another dead Scot rather well, if I may say so, here.

While on the topic of videos, please ensure you've seen the video in my last post.  In SMT mode, I require acknowledgement that you have undergone this bit of ODL via the post's Toy Town™  Thoughts link.  I will be checking! 

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Seeking attention

I was directed to this site by UHDD. I watched the video at the same time as I was considering another post on autism related matters in respect of an article I read.

Please take time to watch the video and read the article/comments.



The point the video makes and one that hit home was that making snap judgements without investigating properly can seriously discriminate against those with conditions they would not wish upon their own worst enemies.

As stated, coincidentally, I had seen the headline about Gary McKinnon and was about to launch into a tirade about why the heck should British taxpayers have to fork out for his detention over this side of the pond, when suddenly the fact that he has Aspergers grabbed my attention. I hope to God that the USA's intoxication with all things security related does not cloud the fact that Gary may not have had the restraint in his actions that you or I might imagine as 'normal.' I will be watching that case with interest.

Never, ever, think that those with problems with their noggins are less human than you or I.

Why?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hundred Acre Hood and other tales

A wee round-up of happenings north of Watford Gap.

Lost and Found.

A Toy Town™ Polis spokestoon commented, "We are glad to see the wee bear back with Piglet, Eeyore and the gang. Winnie has a serious pot habit (honey that is- ed.) and he was persuaded by some clever but unscrupulous types to venture into Toy Town™ to source his stash. Fortunately, we combed the city and in the bees nest that is Hundred Acre Hood, during a co-ordinated intelligence-led sting operation our colleagues traced Winnie. Toy Town™ Polis would like to take this opportunity to reiterate that it will not tolerate the kidnapping of toons."

PC Milne (no relative) added, "I'm glad he didn't come to a sticky end."

The local paper reported that, "After a hive of activity in the north of the city, Pooh was rescued."

Jacquelyn Liddell, Managing Director of Storybook Glen, originally told BBC Scotland when Winnie was reported missing that: "It's shocking. I just wish parents would see where their children are at night."

Wise Owl responded last night by stating, "Sometimes people jump to conclusions."

Eeyore, never one to be serious, said, "Here's some more Poo."

When asked to comment, Piglet merely said, "Oh, d-d-d-dear."

Bad day at the Office - Part 1

Some days you just wish you'd been elsewhere. Horrendously bad luck all round, for the bereaved, the other car driver and the poor Polis.

Bad day at the Office - Part 2

Every custody officer's and force's nightmare, but whatever the reason it's even more of a nightmare for the relatives. However, after the loon's last two exploits, I do hope he'd asked for forgiveness for his sins before his untimely death.

Note to Northern Constabulary - I'd start crossing your collective toes if I were you.

What a silly Hunt

Well clearly the digit curling up North isn't working. Read the article's comments to get the full flavour of the 'story'.

Judge Dredd

I have to admit I had to read this article twice. Well that's because the first time I fell off my chair in shock. Without wishing to add my support so freely to the vigilante system in Prison, it should at least make those who commit the more dastardly of crimes think twice, because despite it all there is still a moral code amongst some of the pros amongst the cons!

That's enough jox vox for now.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Those men with big hoses....

.... have all the fun.

By the way, did you know Fireman Sam was a ginger?

Why can't I get calls like this and this to brighten my day.

I have to ask how the Lothians F&R Service justified their call out and just how do you cover a camera in chocolate? That certainly made Bumpy Dog raise his eyebrows.

No doubt they called it a training exercise. It sounded like a bit of a marathon, but it made me snicker.


Getting back on topic in respect of the wee rodent, and being ever resourceful, I have found a friend more than willing to find Fudgie.

Indeed, as you can see, she begged me to be let loose.

She whispered to me that she's a no nonsense, don't need all that specialist kit, cat. That's a boost. She did ask if there was a bounty though. I told her that it would be no picnic, but if she was successful she could revel in being a smartie and do a twirl.

Ripple of applause please!

Time out methinks.

UPDATE:

Thanks are due to DBA Dude again for keeping me up to speed on developments in the crisis situation and major incident that was the disappearance of Fudgie. A Galaxy of friends met her when she reappeared. No photo opportunity though as she was so tired she just flaked out.

Sweet!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Meanwhile across the Pond

.... and you thought it was just a British disease.

It seems the Polis worldwide are total meanies.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

GOD bless her

I'm going to pose the question and hang the consequences.

What kind of religion is it that drives you to shoot at point blank range a defenceless woman who works with disabled children for a charity in a foreign land?

It would appear some folk need some extreme diversity training.

Being serous, this was murder plain and simple and that, my friends, was still a sin the last time I looked!

God rest her righteous soul.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times