Today I will be mainly drinking...

I'm hoping my reader follows me on Bookface.  If they do, they will know I often post a wee selfie of my occasional tipple there with the heading as above. 

I'm told folk are amazed by my alcoholism varied choice of refreshment on offer for consideration.

To be fair, I am particularly lucky to live in a country now blessed with numerous craft ale producers.  Perhaps the biggest newbie of them all being the very local BrewDog.  Since well after I started this blog this company has mushroomed to the point that Toy Town™ has no less than 3 outlets.  I've managed to drop in to do a bit of quality control at their Edinburgh Airport outlet and their city outlets in Berlin and Barcelona. Never disappointed.

However, my favourite Scots craft brewery are Williams Brothers.  From the early days in Tyndrum and heather ale, they now produce a number of stunners.  My personal favourite being the intriguingly named 7 giraffes.  

I'm also blessed to be in walking distance of the world's only adult sweetie shop based in a filling station.  If you haven't visited this place in person or virtually you are missing something special.  Did I mention it's not just beer in there.  There's a richt collieshangie of treats in store.

Something that struck me sampling ales has been the prominence, and in my own top five, of beers from across the pond.  In days of yore I had palpitations at the mention of the poor imitation that was Budweiser and other similar tainted water from Coors, Schlitz etc.  Two of my absolute favourites are Death by Coconut, by the Oskar Blues Company (Think Bounty Bar and stout mix - hold that thought.  It really is way better than even that!).  Then there's the incomparable concoction that is the 2018 brew of Dragon's Milk Banana Coconut.  It blows you away with so many notes you feel there is an orchestra playing in your gob.  If I ever get allowed to fly over to the USofA then I am making a beeline straight for Holland in Michigan to sample some, or preferably all, of the flavours in the Dragon's Den.  I'm also somewhat disheartened to hear that the makers of the above pictured tipple are out of business.  Not that I really wanted to go to Reno.

Whilst I am on it, so to speak, can I give an honourable mention to these three non-beer tipples.  Even Tesco sell them.  Lots of ice and a BBQ helps. 

1 - Crabbies Raspberry Ginger Beer
2 - Crabbies Rhubarb Ginger Beer
3 - Angioletti Italian Cider 

Tomorrow I will mainly be hanging a haveover.  Hic. 


BTW - Trident renewal is an anachronistic and abhorrent aberration. 

Saor Alba. 

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Who is the Nanny?

For a wee while now I have been occasionally bleeterin' on about certain ales.

I am fair chuffed with this response from a local micro-brewery.

Which leads nicely onto this nonsense.

I recall a time when a certain 'co-operative' consisting of a Copper, a Nurse, a G.P. and a Social Worker helped each other out with childcare. Funnily enough, despite all that, all the weans appear to be well-adjusted.

p.s. Hat tip to the Loon for both links.

p.p.s. An Update.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 3

Time for a skirl fae the loon o'er the happenings up in yon pairts.

First off there's little 'n' large. Go on guess which one interests me more? Staying on topic, this is just plain daft. Where on earth are you going to get a Scotsman to pay 10K for a comparatively wee bottle? As it happens, Glenfiddich is one of the few drams I would turn down anyway. Not for me, even if I had a hotline to Derren Brown. However, this does interest me.

Meanwhile a local brewery has a novel approach to helping tackle the country's binge-drinking culture.

Linking on the theme of alcohol, I liked this crumbly's honesty.

Conversely, as an antedote, the following story jumped out at me and in my best Sun headline mode I decided on: Little Toads!

Apparently, Sir Terry Wogan has said, "I can't go back to Toy Town™." As folk up here would say, "You big Jessie."

It's now official, a heap of money has been lost in translation. Teaching English is not going to help when our visitors are confronted with the Doric!

..... and finally a word or two about our apparently shrinking ovine friends.

I started off this post whining about being fleeced, but there is only one winner in that category, especially as our roasting hot summer has done for a predecessor.

Dun.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Phoenix

Fit like abidy?

A pucklie o' folk hae noticed that yon loon his nae bin postin syne a whiley.

Sum hiv even bin emailin the loon affa concerned for his wellbeing.

It's affa hertnin ta ken yon folk are wundrin fit's a dae wi the loon.

A hannae been nobbled rest assured. Weel that's wis aywiz aricht be'en as I'd bin intae hae ma bell rung a guid whiley syne.

So 'en fit's kept me away fae yon blogging.

To be honest a dah ken, but things round these pairts hae bin busy wi' daen naithin special really, but yon blog juices hid bin running dry and ither things hid bin mair important.

Onywiy, A'm sure you're a' champin at the bit tae ken fit the wee photee is a' aboot. Weel 'at's far the Toytowners are aff tae this weekend for their hols and to chill off. Nae doot it'll be drookit o'er on yon west coast, bit there's iywiz the uisge beatha and the leann!

MAIR CHILL.......




Fan the Toytowners get back, there will be plenty for Noddy & Mr Plod to bleeter on aboot. It will be like a feast eftir a famine. A proverbial Phoenix...




And as a wee teaser I'll tell ye a' aboot fit A've bin up to. Here's een clue fit A wis daen fan een o' they bunch of colonials were celebratin' some kind o' Independence Day...

As a certain Mr Frey said, "We were around when the Dead Sea was just sick."

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 2

My winter festival celebrations start.... now!

Thanks to UHDD for the pic by the way. I wonder if this place would have looked the same?

Since Xmas Eve I have been carrying out duties as what might be described as a Custody Corporal and there has been one common theme transcending most of the 'customers', a theme it will take you hopefully less than a goldfish's memory span to deduce, but here's a clue....

As can be surmised from the www address of my site, I like my whisky and beer, but for some unknown reason, I do not end up fighting, spitting, caterwauling etc. after a few refreshments. It is my opinion that excess drink can, I say CAN, bring out the worst in folk, but I firmly believe the spark of evil must already be there to be lit, burst into flame and envelop all around in its incandescence.

I have been known to 'binge' drink, but somehow I always make it home safely and don't end up squaring up to folk or thrashing her that has to be obeyed on my return home.

It seems some folk are just disposed to violence and anti-social behaviour and drink is not an excuse for their behaviour, merely a catalyst.

This hogmanay our SMT described the city centre celebrations as a success with few arrests. They are right. The absolute vast majority of the considerable throngs enjoyed themselves without incident. It was the few that failed to heed the equally considerable tolerance of my colleagues, with warnings about extended stays in the suites we provide abounding given that our Sheriffs like their time off (although to be fair the Courts sat last Saturday and will sit tomorrow), that passed through my door mostly, as I said before, horizontally. They were quite simply the dregs. How often and how simply do the Polis have to explain to these vacuous eejits how to be civilised?

I can assure the SMT that down in my little world it was not quiet, but I can accept, having seen the state of the folk in the custody suite that these were the folk that no-one can mitigate against.

DRINK DRIVING?

Added to those were the other clowns (or I could put it more succinctly - potential killers) who, despite warning after warning and campaign after campaign, arrived after blowing positive roadside breathtests. I have no sympathy for them either and I hope their bans are extended and fines increased to show how ignorant and inconsiderate they are particularly at this time of year.

Anyhoo, must stop moaning.

Back to the news from Alba.

Down in the Central Belt there's folk who obviously haven't been to Torry.

In the wonderful world of disputes over nothing, this one takes 2008's special prize. At least his sentence was long enough so that he didn't 'get off' with community service.

Here's a festive turn suited to the Special Branch.

If you ever visit the Gordon Highlander's Museum be sure to give the cafe staff a nice tip. That made me proud of my country folk.

This didn't ... In the Polis we are regularly faced with violence. Unwarranted as it is, we at least have some protection. These folk don't and the level of violence shown to them is a disgrace.

There has to be one festive entry regarding political correctness gone mad and this is it.

Having trawled the news for snippets for you to savour, it's back to drink again! I'm told it's a national pastime.

Drunk driver or driven to drink?

Polis spoilsports?

I posted about this and this a while back and I am delighted with the common sense result. However, there may be problems with other names that have been suggested for some of Scotland's brews.

Mind you there's folk down south who don't even need a drink to make a tit of themselves.

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~ Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Slainte.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

To Twother or not to Twother

At first glance at the headline for this report from Reuters, I thought we'd had the good old pint metricated.

However, it appears that someone thinks there is somebody out there somewhere who cannot cope with a whole pint of beer/cider, but thinks a half pint is too little.

Plain daft if you ask me, but apparently it's a common measure (425 mls) in Oz and known as a Schooner in most states there, but not all. I always knew Aussies were lightweights!

I won't bother to twother.

On another booze related tack, this proposal fairly took the wind out of a Toy Town™ publican's sails (Geddit?). Speaking from experience, at 3am in the morning in the town centre at weekends, I'm rarely running into folk blootered on tins of Tennent's Special from the Offie. I wonder where they've come from? Mind you, the publicans can now say they only need to pay 2/3 of the cost, 'cos abidy will be downing twothers, even the quines.

Meanwhile, another British institution is tinkered with and goes down the plughole of multi-nationalism. However, on reading the article, apparently the change in the speaking clock disnae bother the rest of the Union and is only upsetting for our English cousins. Perhaps we could have a separate Jock Clock.

Calling time folks.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Ma heid is yarkin'

A while back I posted about the lack of a sense of humour at the Portman group in relation to various Scottish ales and their names.

I'm glad to report, well actually update from the Beeb, that the world is not square and I quote,

"A House of Commons motion has been tabled aimed at protecting a Scottish ale called Skull Splitter.

The Orkney Brewery fears the product could be withdrawn from sale following a report commissioned by alcohol watchdog the Portman Group.

It has been claimed its Viking-branded bottles have an aggressive theme.

Orkney and Shetland MP Alistair Carmichael said losing the name would be a serious setback, and called for the complaint to be rejected.

Skull Splitter, an 8.5% ale created more than 20 years ago, is sold internationally. The brewery said the ale was in fact named after Thorfinn Hausakluif, the seventh Viking earl of Orkney, nicknamed "Skull Splitter".

Mr Carmichael said the name would be inappropriate if it were a low-priced drink aimed at youngsters. But he said it was an award-winning beer which is bought by discerning drinkers who appreciate its quality and who drink it responsibly".

Orkney Brewery's parent company, Sinclair Breweries Ltd, earlier said it was "stunned" by the complaint and hoped for "common sense".

The Portman Group confirmed a complaint was being investigated."

Common sense - fit?

Meanwhile, as pointed out by DBA Dude over at his blog, said brewery (which now owns the Atlas brews) is doing its bit for Red Squirrels with its new brew. As DBA says, no fluffy tailed beasties are used in the brewing process, but let's wait till the Portman Group hear about that one. They'll go nuts.

Aye an' anither thing, fit does this tumshie think he's dae'n? Dis he nae ken it's the mither tongue?

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Scots beers ASBO'd

Those of you not from planet Zog will have gathered that one of the sub-plots of this blog is my passion for beer (and of course Whisky). Brown and black stuff in particular, but always in moderation.

I am now advised that one of my favourite breweries, who produce the wonderful Red McGregor and the even more wonderful Dark Island, are to have their spectacularly named Skull-Splitter beer banned.

And if that's not enough, the over-enthusiastic amateurs at the Portman Group are having a go at another Scots brewery in Toyland™.

I am going to go out on a limb here to suggest that your average preteens-binger or confirmed soak would be unlikely to buy any of these beers whilst White Lightning, Buckfast, Stella, cheap vodka and alcopops are available.

Even the quines are not amused.

Q.E.D.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The dark side

What I learnt today at work is that I'm fooked.

According to an outside agency trainer, you have a clear (sic) choice of what to drink, alcohol wise, but be careful because the darker the brew the more deadly the hangover you can expect as a result.

I'm worried, 'cos I'm more of a brown beer and Guinness man than a lager lout, I prefer red rather than white wine and whisky rather than vodka.

But hey ho, old habits die hard!

I am not going to rename this blog vodka and lager any time soon.

.... and is this colour prejudice?

I need proof (preferably at least 38% with ice).

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Nice job if you can get it

Now I wouldn't want to accuse those in tertiary education of coming up with novel ways to fund their study of the bottom of drinks glasses, being as I had a first class degree in it, but this takes the biscuit.

I likes my tunes, so I am announcing publicly my availability for the follow up research into the effects of whisky and beer.

Speaking of which, and for the Police angle to this post, there are some folk who value their beer more than their offspring. Had to be from Oz didn't it?

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Christmas Crackers

First off congratulations must go to Toy Town™ FC for their exceptional result last night in the UEFA cup. The Dandies have now drawn a cracker against Bayern Muenchen.

Regular readers know I'm really a fan of the Blues, but I was there at Pittodrie in 1983 when the Dons, en route to winning the European Cup Winners Cup, embarrassed the German Meisters. Wonder if I will be working on Valentine's Day?

Secondly, I'm about to delve into the myriad of mumbo jumbo and mystification over the Xmas celebrations.

Many have posted over the place of a Christian celebration in our diverse and multi-cultural society. Let's get one thing straight. Xmas has little to do with Christ and let's stop pretending otherwise. In other words, why do we insist on the use of His name in the moniker for what is essentially a pagan winter holiday aggravated by the pavlovian devotion to greed and excess typified by modern secular society.

In my brave new world we would continue to recognise the birth of Christ by maintaining the education and interaction children get at skool with nativity shows and the like, but we would weigh this against the need to celebrate Easter as the truly significant time for Christians.

I could ask you to consider the devout and essentially pure stance taken by some of our local Presbyterians at this time. Surprised? Personally, I prefer this tale. It about sums up my view perfectly. So go on enjoy the festivities! Only spare some time and contemplation for your Maker. If you don't, this could happen to your weans.


Meanwhile, at your local Primary Skool, it's just as well the new security system doesn't listen in as well as talk to the kidz.

Did I mention I was now on my Yuletide / Festive / Seasonal / Winter Holiday (a.k.a. Annual Leave) till the third day of next year and that I have got my SPP and full 2.5%?

I'm off to drink mucho whisky and beer. Will think of you as I do.

Finally, does anyone know how much a Wii weighs?


© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Loads of Money

After the recent faux pas at HMRC, I was amused at a HMRC official's response that "the inquiry will take into account the individual's experience. However, in the staff handbook there are guidelines and they include using common sense."

What? A government body proposing staff use Common Sense.

Meanwhile, in the wake of the above and the Northern Rock fiasco, there comes this little worry. Well actually £1.9 trillion worth of worries. Having lived in Malaysia, it was certainly the case that the ethnic Indians did seem to get a rough deal, but blaming the Malaysification on us Brits is a bit steep.

However, this article really, really worries me! Now that really will hit your average bloke's pocket.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times