Out to pasture - or "Time to become a duck."

A song for long time Gadget followers.

BTW you can follow me on Twitter @Toytowner

© Noddy 
Published by Toy Town™ Times

No brainer

Over on this side of The Pond we often chuckle at the amount of safety equipment the folk that play the strange version of football called American wear.

You would think then, wouldn't you, that a player of that 'game' might just consider appropriate safety equipment before going out on his motor cycle.

It's a no brainer really.

Lucky man!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Who is the Nanny?

For a wee while now I have been occasionally bleeterin' on about certain ales.

I am fair chuffed with this response from a local micro-brewery.

Which leads nicely onto this nonsense.

I recall a time when a certain 'co-operative' consisting of a Copper, a Nurse, a G.P. and a Social Worker helped each other out with childcare. Funnily enough, despite all that, all the weans appear to be well-adjusted.

p.s. Hat tip to the Loon for both links.

p.p.s. An Update.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Different Thinking

I bump my gums periodically about all things related to Autism.

For a while I've been following Gary McKinnon's plight, so much so that I've started a sidebar widget just for him, so check it out.

I weep at the ignorance and intolerance in society, but I rejoice at the likes of this individual.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Toytown Tartanistas

Apparently Richard Littlejohn (sic) doesn't agree with the tone of my previous post.

I quote from the Daily Wail (with comments from me appended thus);

"Gordon Brown's yellow streak is the width of the Yangtze river

Two years ago, almost to the day, a sheep sneezed in Scotland. Twenty minutes later, Gordon Brown was on every television channel in full Commander-in-Chief mode.

He was going to be tough on sheep and tough on the causes of sheep (Gadget's got that in hand). We could sleep soundly in our beds.

The next day, it rained. Pausing only to discard his knotted hanky and off-duty Harris Tweed beach jacket, Gordon helicoptered back to London to convene an emergency meeting of Cobra in a bunker deep under Downing Street. Holidays are for wimps.

And lo, it came to pass, the flood waters subsided. Not since Moses had there been a more crucial intervention.

The BBC and the boys in the bubble went wild, hurling their knickers on stage. How lucky we were to be led by a man of such towering, Churchillian greatness.

No more lies, no more evasion, no more spin, no more stunts. Just firm, decisive action. Not Flash, just Gordon.

In those heady days of summer 2007, no crisis was too small to warrant the personal attention of the new Prime Minister.

If you'd found a spider in your bath, one phone call to Downing Street and Gordon would be there with his big clunking fist, Sky News crew in hot pursuit.

Two years on and it's a different story. The father of the nation has done his trademark disappearing act.

While the civilised (?) world recoils in disgust from the early release of the only man convicted of the worst ever terrorist atrocity on British soil, Gordon is nowhere to be found.

As Toytown Tartanistas strut the stage, the Prime Minister is hiding behind the sofa.

The man who wrote a letter of condolence after John Terry missed a penalty (Now, you really are winding me up), and found the time to ring Piers Morgan to inquire about the mental health of a contestant on a television freak show, apparently has no opinion whatsoever on the greatest single rift between Britain and the United States of America since the Boston Tea Party. (Being a tad late showing up for WW1 and WW2 might rank a wee bit higher).

His new best friend, President Obama, is spitting feathers. He has interrupted his own vacation on Martha's Vineyard to condemn this outrageous affront to justice.

But the man ultimately responsible for this humiliating debacle is remaining resolutely schtum.

We used to have a labrador who behaved like Gordon. Whenever he broke wind, he'd look away in the misguided belief that if he couldn't see you, you couldn't see him and the source of the foul smell enveloping the living room would remain a mystery.

Be in no doubt that despite his desperation to pass the buck, Gordon Brown is up to his neck in the decision to release the Lockerbie bomber.

Six weeks ago, he wrote a 'Dear Muammar' letter to the Libyan leader asking him not to make a song and dance about the homecoming of Abdelbaset Ali Mohamed Al Megrahi and wishing him a Happy Ramadan.

Gordon was perfectly well aware that the falafel was about to hit the fan. Megrahi's release had formed an integral part of every recent trade and diplomatic negotiation with Gaddafi.

Little Alex Salmond may be basking in vainglorious mischief, but the daisy chain of duplicity and deceit leads right back to Downing Street and the treacherous triumvirate of Brown, Blair and Mandelson.

Salmond is a bit-part player in this dark farce, the political equivalent of Ally MacLeod, the football manager who led Scotland to hilarious ignominy in the 1978 World Cup. (At least we were there!)

Six weeks ago, Gordon Brown wrote to Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi asking for a low-key response to Megrahi's homecoming.

When I watched the Saltire being waved alongside the Libyan flag as Megrahi arrived back on home soil, I was reminded of the victory parade MacLeod staged in front of 25,000 delirious fans at Hampden Park before his squad had even boarded the plane to Argentina:

We're on the road with Alex's army, We're all going to Tripoli!

In the event, Scotland were stuffed by Peru, just as Salmond has been kippered by Libya, whatever he might kid himself.

The subplots swirling around this squalid affair, such as whether or not Megrahi is actually guilty, are all academic.

Of course he wasn't the mastermind, any more than the bloke who bought the rucksacks for the London Transport bombers was their Mr Big. But he was convicted in a British court of law (Wrong again - Scottish Court under Scots Law sitting in Holland) and, cancer or no cancer, letting him out after eight years is, as Mandelson would say, 'offensive' to those who died and their families.

None of this is of any consequence to the main actors in this demeaning, disgusting drama. They live in their own squalid soap opera, while the rest of us can for now only either watch with horror or avert our eyes.

In their amoral universe, there is little difference between theatrically letting Jade Goody's boyfriend out of prison for his stag night and freeing a convicted terrorist involved in the murder of 270 innocent civilians.

It's all a game to these cynics. Surely, say the sophisticates, Gordon wouldn't have gone along with this simply because he thought it would damage the SNP at the next General Election.

That's precisely why he would have gone along with it. Every decision he ever takes is predicated upon what it can do for him personally and how much damage it will inflict on his political opponents. And to hell with the consequences.

Despite the preening world statesman posturing, Gordon is as much of a petty, point-scoring, partisan pygmy as the puffed-up playground posers in the SNP. (An abundance of aimless and absurd alliteration).

His stony silence is almost eloquent, serving both to insult our intelligence and remind us of the yellow streak the width of the Yangtze which passes for his backbone.

Imagine how this looks from the American end of the kaleidoscope. They had asked for Megrahi to be tried in Scotland because they believed in British (?) justice. Now they've discovered what a sick joke modern British justice (Scots Law is ancient - muppet) really is.

And consider what our front-line soldiers, many from Scottish regiments and sent to risk their lives fighting terrorism alongside the Americans in Afghanistan, must make of this shameful decision to show 'compassion' to a man convicted of this country's worst-ever terrorist attack.

Makes you proud to be British."

Want my opinion Dick?

Hate is an inevitably unrewarding state of mind......

....and frankly the decision based purely on OUR law, and not transitory but understandable feelings, made me proud to be Scottish.

p.s.

He missed out on mentioning, during his bizarre anti everything Scottish rant, the 6th greatest goal of all time.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Come over here and say that!

Not content with moving Scotland into England, the Yanks are now desecrating our national dress (sic).

Hat Tip to Frank Chalk.

Some Yanks are on the ball, so to speak!

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Facebook is racist

Vaguely nationalistic Scottish users of Facebook have long been annoyed that there is no location option for Scottish towns and cities to be identified as in Scotland rather than the United Kingdom.

Unionists will have been OK with that, but Facebook have caused a right stooshie in God's own country as now any Scottish (and I'm led to believe Welsh) city or town is now listed as being in England.

Our American cousins often mistakenly call Great Britain, England, so it is to be expected.......

......... or has Gordon Broon (far are ye fae loon?) sold us off to the south to pay for Westminster's bathplugs and swimming pool repairs?

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Anyone spot this on a front page?

Cop mowed down by balaclava wearing Scooby driver. Yawn.

NOT VERY NEWSWORTHY IS IT?

Get well soon David.

H/T to the Pink Quine for spotting it in the depths of rural news from south of the border, but on a lighter note she found a cracker from our colleagues in Denmark which surpasses even the flip flops farce.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

True Guardian

I had been keeping my powder dry before launching a vicious assault upon the unbalanced, intemperate, prejudicial, trial by meeja, agenda based, G20 'reporting' by what used to be a respected if badly typo graphed newspaper.

Whilst not wishing to jump on the bandwagon and point out that some folk, with the aforementioned agendas, do not even mention this tragic event at all on their front page - strange that....not, I am genuinely appalled at the general apathy shown towards this matter by all of the media outlets. There are times (sic) when you begin to wonder whether it is all worth it.

So to redress the balance, here's the headline.

TO GARY TOMS' FAMILY, FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES - MY PRAYERS ARE RESERVED FOR YOU TODAY.

Even our Home Secretary cannot bring herself to pass on any form of personal regret or condolence. Sky did manage to be one of the few media outlets to include this somewhat dismissive quote.....

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said: "Such events highlight the dangers that police officers face every day on the frontline protecting the public."

Now to my editorial notes.....

Like I said, I was keeping my powder dry until the IPCC did its job regarding the various incidents down south, but the camel's back finally broke when a) the media ignored Gary's death b) Sky News jumped onto the Grauniad's bandwagon of intemperate, misleading and unchallenged language in its reporting.

Once upon a time, I took a degree in Politics and Economics. Once upon a time I considered a career as a Journalist. Then I grew up and joined the real world, where actions speak louder than words.

However, my tertiary education wasn't entirely wasted, because one of the fundamental attributes of any scholar should be the ability to analyse impartially any evidence provided to support a case or proposition.

I have been monitoring closely the Grauniad's selective reporting over the G20 matters. It is abundantly clear that they have an Agenda and all their reporting is fixated on 'spinning' their line. There is no impartiality at all and, as such, any support that they may have wished to engender in respect of questioning the Police tactics and role in keeping the peace at such demonstrations, is lost. Any valid points they may have made are now lost in poorly disguised vitriol.

Let's look at the FACTS.

Ian Tomlinson died. Tragedy, for his family and friends.

First PM without the benefit of hindsight and information re 'contact' with Police suggests a heart attack.

Grauniad obtains 'impartial' witness evidence and video of Police 'contact' with Mr Tomlinson. After making hay with same, passes same to IPCC.

Second PM, with hindsight, finds internal bleeding the prime cause of death.

Now, let's look at the possibilities.....

The second PM has, as far as I'm aware, not suggested any cause for the mass bleed.

There was considerable 'contact' with Mr Tomlinson before his death, not all of it reported by the Grauniad. One might be cynical and suggest that this didn't quite fit the 'just walking home' role in the events, so let's just gloss over that shall we.

The family's lawyer has described the videod contact with the TSG officer as follows;

Jules Carey, the lawyer acting for Tomlinson's family, said: "The video footage of the unprovoked and vicious assault on Ian by the police officer would easily justify charges of assault being brought against the officer. The findings of Dr Nat Cary significantly increase the likelihood that the officer will now face the more serious charge of manslaughter."

Is it just me, but how come this lawyer can use the adjectives 'unprovoked' and 'vicious' before the result of the IPCC investigation is published? Similarly, the inflammatory use of 'easily justify charges of assault' is a case of suggesting guilt before the presumption of innocence.

Later in the same article we are advised that there was;

Immediate reaction from politicians to the second postmortem result with demands that the inquiry be pursued as a matter of urgency. Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman, described it as an "alarming finding". He added: "It suggests that Mr Tomlinson's treatment by the police officer caught on video may have been the final contributing factor in his death. These findings put further pressure on the IPCC to investigate this matter with all urgency." Boris Johnson, the London mayor and chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority, urged the IPCC to be open and quick. "There must now be a fast and transparent conclusion to the IPCC investigation, with the full and urgent cooperation of all involved," he said. "It is vital that everyone takes care not to prejudice either the ongoing IPCC investigation or indeed any future criminal proceedings that may arise. "The Met receive and deserve the overwhelming support of the people of London, but the family of Ian Tomlinson need answers and so do Londoners."

I'm not surprised in the choice of Politicians sought to spout on behalf of the Grauniad and Mr Huhne has an amazing medical and pathology knowledge if he can extrapolate that the last 'contact' can be considered the 'final contributing factor' in Mr Tomlinson's death.

Having said that, Boris gets it spot on for a change! "It is vital that everyone takes care not to prejudice either the ongoing IPCC investigation or indeed any future criminal proceedings that may arise." Couldn't have put it better myself.

Meanwhile over at Sky........

.........Exaggeration is rife.

Oh, and am I being cynical when the term animal rights supporter pops up and I think... no job then to describe yourself by then, eh?

I was tickled by her being upset that a horrible man thing attacked her ladyship though! Does she not know we are totally diverse today when we chose who to thrash the living daylights out of.

All this goes to show is don't believe everything you read in the media and more importantly read between the lines!

Indeed, if the Police do not get any form of reassurance in situations like these that their often thankless job entails difficult split second decisions and reactive action, then those lines may just head off home, because any action seems to meet with an unequal reaction thereafter.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities

200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Branded.

Those of you who make it to the bottom of my front page (so that would be no-one - ed.) will see that I post a link to the ever wonderful Being 5 comic strip.

Those of you old enough to appreciate the targeted wit involved in this treatise on the generation gap will also grasp the reference to one of Alf Garnett's catchphrases I have utilised as the post header.

The latest strip rightly deserves a top billing.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Porridge and Pron

Times are hard for the residents within the establishments of the SPS.

It seems the incarcerated are to have their individual rights subordinated to the greater rights of the possibly offended.

It will be interesting to see if hard core pron will now make it onto the list of contraband regularly smuggled into pokey.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

What a lot of weather we've been having!

Icicles 05,
Uploaded by Toytowner.

Any more of this malarky and I will be able to touch this icicle. (Click the photo for more of the same and a bigger view).

Meanwhile it seems that Tesco, whilst apparently cheaper than ASDA, are having to do some DIY.  They are not alone in having holes in the road similar to those created by a small IED and the new sport of dodging the potholes on our local roads.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Seen on a noticeboard......

.... somewhere.

It seems it might not be so amusing elsewhere.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Use your imagination

Have a go yourself!

H/T to Nightjack.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 2

My winter festival celebrations start.... now!

Thanks to UHDD for the pic by the way. I wonder if this place would have looked the same?

Since Xmas Eve I have been carrying out duties as what might be described as a Custody Corporal and there has been one common theme transcending most of the 'customers', a theme it will take you hopefully less than a goldfish's memory span to deduce, but here's a clue....

As can be surmised from the www address of my site, I like my whisky and beer, but for some unknown reason, I do not end up fighting, spitting, caterwauling etc. after a few refreshments. It is my opinion that excess drink can, I say CAN, bring out the worst in folk, but I firmly believe the spark of evil must already be there to be lit, burst into flame and envelop all around in its incandescence.

I have been known to 'binge' drink, but somehow I always make it home safely and don't end up squaring up to folk or thrashing her that has to be obeyed on my return home.

It seems some folk are just disposed to violence and anti-social behaviour and drink is not an excuse for their behaviour, merely a catalyst.

This hogmanay our SMT described the city centre celebrations as a success with few arrests. They are right. The absolute vast majority of the considerable throngs enjoyed themselves without incident. It was the few that failed to heed the equally considerable tolerance of my colleagues, with warnings about extended stays in the suites we provide abounding given that our Sheriffs like their time off (although to be fair the Courts sat last Saturday and will sit tomorrow), that passed through my door mostly, as I said before, horizontally. They were quite simply the dregs. How often and how simply do the Polis have to explain to these vacuous eejits how to be civilised?

I can assure the SMT that down in my little world it was not quiet, but I can accept, having seen the state of the folk in the custody suite that these were the folk that no-one can mitigate against.

DRINK DRIVING?

Added to those were the other clowns (or I could put it more succinctly - potential killers) who, despite warning after warning and campaign after campaign, arrived after blowing positive roadside breathtests. I have no sympathy for them either and I hope their bans are extended and fines increased to show how ignorant and inconsiderate they are particularly at this time of year.

Anyhoo, must stop moaning.

Back to the news from Alba.

Down in the Central Belt there's folk who obviously haven't been to Torry.

In the wonderful world of disputes over nothing, this one takes 2008's special prize. At least his sentence was long enough so that he didn't 'get off' with community service.

Here's a festive turn suited to the Special Branch.

If you ever visit the Gordon Highlander's Museum be sure to give the cafe staff a nice tip. That made me proud of my country folk.

This didn't ... In the Polis we are regularly faced with violence. Unwarranted as it is, we at least have some protection. These folk don't and the level of violence shown to them is a disgrace.

There has to be one festive entry regarding political correctness gone mad and this is it.

Having trawled the news for snippets for you to savour, it's back to drink again! I'm told it's a national pastime.

Drunk driver or driven to drink?

Polis spoilsports?

I posted about this and this a while back and I am delighted with the common sense result. However, there may be problems with other names that have been suggested for some of Scotland's brews.

Mind you there's folk down south who don't even need a drink to make a tit of themselves.

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~ Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Slainte.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Same old, same old

Well here I am safe at a very quiet home, sipping, nae slurping on my large uisge beatha.

I was seconded to Custard Occifer duties last night and most of the never ending patrons appeared to come in horizontally and to have consumed entire distilleries.

Moderation?

Drinkwise?

Och well, at's it o'er for anither year.

Here's to a quiet nicht the nicht as Scotland enjoys its extra public booze up day, but after last nicht's experience, it might just have been the warm up.

Hope you all had a safe and sensible night.

Must depart as the dram needs topping up.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Feel Friday

I am filled with a deep foreboding.

It is the dreaded 'Feel Friday' and guess who is lates?

People, oft referred to as 'pilot lights'* will be thronging toy toon sinter after much ale and jolly offices japes. Mix this with the usual suspects and the happy homecomings thereafter and we are due for a busy night.

Wish me well and if you are one of those aforementioned types, remember a whole weekend care of the local free B&B is a rough way to sleep off a hangover.

To fellow short straw pullers throughout the emergency services, the best of Scottish to you all.

That cough of mine seems to be getting worse. Now what's that number again for absence management?

*i.e. they never go out.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Mair Xmas Lichties

H/T to RT.

By the way I'm still waiting for those photos folks.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wither Forecast

Aye, fine, bit nae abidy gets the choice tae bide at hame. Some of us hae tae work 24/7. It's been chookin it doon hale watter a' weekend. Drookit I wis, min. Mind yi, jist as weel it wisna caller or I'd be knee deep in sna.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times