Catastrophe

This must not happen. 

© Bumpy the Dug

n.b. Ed. It gets worse.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Paws for thought

Just when I thought it was the Polis that got all the daft calls from our customers, the SSPCA have well and truly outdone us.

Whatever next?

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities

200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Inbred?

I quote from the Scotsman....

A hill farmer has devised a cunning plan to rid his fields of a plague of rabbits. Paul Coppen, 69, camouflaged his vintage Massey Ferguson tractor as a cow – complete with a firing platform and a gunslit.

He admitted the disguise – a black and white cow under a tree painted on a wooden board fixed to the side of the vehicle – was not foolproof.

The former technical manager for ICI in the north of England said: "One of my neighbours, Stan Mitchell, came up with the idea and helped me out, and I just went with it. I hoped the rabbits would ignore the fake cow, thinking it was another member of the herd, presenting a stationary target for the rifleman as I drive about."

"A driver-cum-rifleman was camouflaged behind a picture of a tree above the cow. Maximum angle of fire was achieved by pointing the air-rifle through a horizontal slit above the cow, like the firing positions in Second World War pillboxes."

"Not all rabbits are fooled. Whereas cattle do move around, trees usually don't and that may be a problem."

Now check out the video!

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Simples

Just click the logo......

......and for more fun facebookers can try this.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Those men with big hoses....

.... have all the fun.

By the way, did you know Fireman Sam was a ginger?

Why can't I get calls like this and this to brighten my day.

I have to ask how the Lothians F&R Service justified their call out and just how do you cover a camera in chocolate? That certainly made Bumpy Dog raise his eyebrows.

No doubt they called it a training exercise. It sounded like a bit of a marathon, but it made me snicker.


Getting back on topic in respect of the wee rodent, and being ever resourceful, I have found a friend more than willing to find Fudgie.

Indeed, as you can see, she begged me to be let loose.

She whispered to me that she's a no nonsense, don't need all that specialist kit, cat. That's a boost. She did ask if there was a bounty though. I told her that it would be no picnic, but if she was successful she could revel in being a smartie and do a twirl.

Ripple of applause please!

Time out methinks.

UPDATE:

Thanks are due to DBA Dude again for keeping me up to speed on developments in the crisis situation and major incident that was the disappearance of Fudgie. A Galaxy of friends met her when she reappeared. No photo opportunity though as she was so tired she just flaked out.

Sweet!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Ma heid is yarkin'

A while back I posted about the lack of a sense of humour at the Portman group in relation to various Scottish ales and their names.

I'm glad to report, well actually update from the Beeb, that the world is not square and I quote,

"A House of Commons motion has been tabled aimed at protecting a Scottish ale called Skull Splitter.

The Orkney Brewery fears the product could be withdrawn from sale following a report commissioned by alcohol watchdog the Portman Group.

It has been claimed its Viking-branded bottles have an aggressive theme.

Orkney and Shetland MP Alistair Carmichael said losing the name would be a serious setback, and called for the complaint to be rejected.

Skull Splitter, an 8.5% ale created more than 20 years ago, is sold internationally. The brewery said the ale was in fact named after Thorfinn Hausakluif, the seventh Viking earl of Orkney, nicknamed "Skull Splitter".

Mr Carmichael said the name would be inappropriate if it were a low-priced drink aimed at youngsters. But he said it was an award-winning beer which is bought by discerning drinkers who appreciate its quality and who drink it responsibly".

Orkney Brewery's parent company, Sinclair Breweries Ltd, earlier said it was "stunned" by the complaint and hoped for "common sense".

The Portman Group confirmed a complaint was being investigated."

Common sense - fit?

Meanwhile, as pointed out by DBA Dude over at his blog, said brewery (which now owns the Atlas brews) is doing its bit for Red Squirrels with its new brew. As DBA says, no fluffy tailed beasties are used in the brewing process, but let's wait till the Portman Group hear about that one. They'll go nuts.

Aye an' anither thing, fit does this tumshie think he's dae'n? Dis he nae ken it's the mither tongue?

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Gay sheep shocker

What on earth is going on in the English Countryside?

Inspector Gadget must investigate this immediately and report back in triplicate, not forgetting of course, the additional report to the LGBT ovine liaison officer.

... and just what are the Llamas doing about this?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Can you dig it?

Across the pond the Polis are considering creating a new specialist support unit.

I fancy a stint as Master Splinter.

Listening to: The Mock Turtles - Can You Dig It? via FoxyTunes

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Mogzilla

It's official - pussies love Firefox.

© Miss Pink Cat
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Copper found

It's OK, none of my colleagues have been posted as missing, it's just a quick jibe at the world of jobsworths.

There seems to be a growing collection of them spread about the country kicking up a stink about the pettiest of misdemeanours.

Don't worry though, because soon minor offences wont go anywhere near attracting a spell in pokey.

Sometimes, I wonder who lives in the land of make-believe!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Llama Support Unit

Since some folk are on a dummy run today for industrial action, I thought I'd be a scab and run the picket line and do some blogging.

Those familiar with Inspector Gadget's predilection for sheep will recall his Llama, Llama post.

Well it seems the LSU has migrated north of the border. Perhaps the pay was poor down there or there were other problems.

Oh, and the Llama Song is worth a reprise too.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Road Hogs

For older Toy Town™ based readers who remember Lawson's piggie lorries, this is not something you see that often these days.....

"It was a terrible scene, Pigs everywhere."

Captions welcome.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pondering, Police and Pandas

I'm in plagiarist mode tonight, so I thought I'd bring your attention to this soon to be top seller at Waterstones et al. Thanks to Dickiebo for bringing it to my attention.

Oh, and the photo - that's from a member of the public across the pond.

There is a tenuous link between the Polis and Pandas.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Lamb Lies Down

Sticking to the education theme, this article from the Beeb amused me. Not least because up in these pairts the landward locals have a reputation they'd rather not have amongst certain central-belters.

I wondered if the kids also get to go to the slaughterhouse and see their cuddly little balls of fluff get the chop? Now that's reality.

In Toyland™ the sheep are not just sheep, they are educational tools and good friends!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Burns

It's January 25th and all around the land and amongst the diaspora (with the exception of the USA), Scots will be dissecting haggis, mashing neeps and boiling tatties. The whisky will be brought out of the cupboards and folk will be blethering on about sonsy faces and wee timorous beasties.

We will be having a traditional Burns Supper at hame with some friends. Any excuse for some uisge beatha!

Meanwhile at Follyrood our MSP's find life on the front line in the canteen dangerous and suffer another type of burns. Apt name for the victim though and glad to see she's back in the pink.

Whilst she ladled a heep of misery on herself, look what this clown is up to from the Labour Party. It would be best to be properly clued up on your football before you postulate on riots in Gretna. I could spoon feed him - Gretna play their home matches at Fir Park in Motherwell.

Which neatly takes me back to the beginning of this post.

Neeps!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Organ Grinder

Since being back at work this year I have successfully managed to avoid Response Policing by being seconded to other duties. I've even managed to work dayshifts in my 'flute'.

Good one you might think.

Well sort of, but all it means is that those enquiries I aimed to to get done in between attending the humdrum calls of each and every day don't get done and the files just get mouldier and mouldier.

So it was with a mixture of relief and dread that I ended my secondment and went home for a couple of days off.

The relief didn't last long. Cue telephone call at home. "Noddy, we've put you down for custody officer duties this week," says the resource clerkess.

Oh well dear public, looks like your crimes will just have to wait even longer to be solved. Me, I've just about forgotten what most of them were about myself. Perhaps I should get an assistant with better memory skills.

p.s. I have avoided any direct reference to apes of a particular variety.

p.p.s. Note to self.... You really should stop being volunteered for all these gimmicks.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

A dog would look stupid in this....

For all you cat lovers out there, and I know there are a few, here's the purrfect Xmas gift for your kitty. My dug is pishing herself.

Stop Press: The pink ones are sold out! Well they would be wouldn't they.

Let me aff the bus.......

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Because ewe are worth it

This post was inspired by a comment left by Uphilldowndale on my previous post.

Having twice visited the excellent Auchingarrich Wildlife Centre, I was ahead of the game and can offer you numerous examples of Scottish ingenuity in the ovis department, such as this offering from deepest Teuchterland and the direct link to the photo below.


The bored, depressed sheep in Ruralshire get a makeover courtesy of L'Oreal.

p.s.
PeePee - now you know where that kilt you wore came from.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Silence of the Lambs

In Ruralshire the sheep have been silenced.

Whilst those in the Rainbow Nation are celebrating in style.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times