Bottoms Up.

Some time ago, well actually over three years ago, I posted this.

It was my turn recently to reach the wrong side of the half-century.

I was the lucky recipient of a new all singing and dancing laptop (had to be very careful not to spoonerise that one) since my desktop has been upgraded to the max after it was bought in 2000. I also received a fair few bottles of uisge-beatha. I am amazed how folk know what to buy me!

Whilst out for a meal to commiserate with friends (I hired a telephone kiosk), I was advised by one of the assembled crumblies that I was to wait with trepidation for a wee parcel from the Health Board now that I was officially reognised as old and decrepit and apparently therefore a coffin dodger. I was given the heads up in respect of the fact that I would receive a poop collection kit for my good self to send a sample off to check my bowels, colon and other unmentionables were not suddenly collapsing or riddled with some awful disease now that I had reached THAT age.

Now let me assure you that reaching ....... it's still hard to say it...... 'L' will do ...... is painful enough without indeed receiving said kit a mere 3 days after my birthday. Can't they give us a period of grace?

Just to show how grateful I am, I will wait till my effluent is at its most pungent and then despatch it to those who have a really good jobbie! That'll learn 'em.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Freeloading

What with all sorts getting their media free of charge lately I thought I'd be of public service.

Don't know if you've discovered SPOTIFY.

Try it and see why I'm hooked.

If you want to lug in to the sharn I listen to you can click here once you have the software downloaded.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities

200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

New Charity

I need £300 sharpish.

Any donors out there?

Goodwinner and McNumpty, you have some spare cash I believe.

p.s. I cautioned myself against references to a nip as this might have been considered non-diverse.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Branded.

Those of you who make it to the bottom of my front page (so that would be no-one - ed.) will see that I post a link to the ever wonderful Being 5 comic strip.

Those of you old enough to appreciate the targeted wit involved in this treatise on the generation gap will also grasp the reference to one of Alf Garnett's catchphrases I have utilised as the post header.

The latest strip rightly deserves a top billing.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Porridge and Pron

Times are hard for the residents within the establishments of the SPS.

It seems the incarcerated are to have their individual rights subordinated to the greater rights of the possibly offended.

It will be interesting to see if hard core pron will now make it onto the list of contraband regularly smuggled into pokey.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Revenue streams?

Despite the instructions in my previous post on hyperbole, here is a fine example of partnership working in Toyland™.

In visionary mode I would happily, for two grand, construct a cludgie in my backie, thus pooling resources and capacity building.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Predictable

This was inevitable!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

To be serious for a moment

Occasionally I post about matters relating to autism.

Occasionally I come across a genuinely well written, sober, thought provoking article.

This article speaks for itself, which is more than can be said for Sky.

For more on this read here.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Burns Night in Buckie

Locals would hardly describe Buckie as a hot spot, but one local hostelry is doing its level best to offer customers a little extra.

I particularly liked the locals name for the establishment. Hardly inspiring. Perhaps the landlord would be better off dimming the lights completely.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's a Shame I work in Toytown, because.....

......Toyland, far I bide, has topped the list of rural places with the best quality of life in Scotland – for the second year running.

And in the whole of the UK, Toyland also comes in second place.

With a high life expectancy, low unemployment rates and great weather*, Toyland shot to the top of the quality of life rankings.

And Toyland residents agree with the Bank of Scotland survey which looks at all aspects of life from traffic flow to crime statistics.

Lynda Forrest, from Banchory’s sweet and ice-cream shop Continental Cream, was born and brought up in the area – and loves it!

The 49-year-old, who lives in Crathes, said: “Living in the countryside is relaxing with a great quality of life. It is a great place for work and leisure The only drawback is that with people wanting to live here, it is expensive.”

The Bank of Scotland survey confirmed house prices were high compared to the rest of the country.

The survey also named Toyland as top spot last year.

To celebrate, the Evening Express handed out Smile, You’re In Toyland stickers.

The campaign was backed by Donald Trump who chose Balmedie for his new world-class golf resort.

The only place that beat Toyland in the quality of life ratings in the whole of the UK was Monmouthshire in Wales.

Must be something to do with the sheep.



* - great weather? I beg to disagree!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hyperbole

In a joined up, multi-agency, partnership approach, I speculate as to whether my own employers will be visionary enough to take on board this initiative.

Spotting these could be the basis of a new game to amuse yourself at any face-to-face engagements with our stakeholders or at team empowerment meetings.

Shouldn't be difficult as it is a long list of all-encompassing hyperbollox. Do feel free to add any other gems you have to deal with in your own particular sphere of employment and do cascade this piece of information through your own partnerships and networks.

Do you recognise any of these at your workplace?

(Comments always welcomed).

Across-the-piece

Actioned

Advocate

Agencies

Ambassador

Area based

Area focused

Autonomous

Baseline

Beacon

Benchmarking

Best Practice

Blue sky thinking

Bottom-Up

CAAs

Can do culture

Capabilities

Capacity

Capacity building

Cascading

Cautiously welcome

Challenge

Champion

Citizen empowerment

Client

Cohesive communities

Cohesiveness

Collaboration

Commissioning

Community engagement

Compact

Conditionality

Consensual

Contestability

Contextual

Core developments

Core Message

Core principles

Core Value

Coterminosity

Coterminous

Cross-cutting

Cross-fertilisation

Customer

Democratic legitimacy

Democratic mandate

Dialogue

Direction of travel

Distorts spending priorities

Double devolution

Downstream

Early Win

Edge-fit

Embedded

Empowerment

Enabler

Engagement

Engaging users

Enhance

Evidence Base

Exemplar

External challenge

Facilitate

Fast-Track

Flex

Flexibilities and Freedoms

Framework

Fulcrum

Functionality

Funding streams

Gateway review

Going forward

Good practice

Governance

Guidelines

Holistic

Holistic governance

Horizon scanning

Improvement levers

Incentivising

Income streams

Indicators

Initiative

Innovative capacity

Inspectorates

Interdepartmental

Interface

Iteration

Joined up

Joint working

LAAs

Level playing field

Lever

Leverage

Localities

Lowlights

MAAs

Mainstreaming

Management capacity

Meaningful consultation

Meaningful dialogue

Mechanisms

Menu of Options

Multi-agency

Multidisciplinary

Municipalities

Network model

Normalising

Outcomes

Output

Outsourced

Overarching

Paradigm

Parameter

Participatory

Partnership working

Partnerships

Pathfinder

Peer challenge

Performance Network

Place shaping

Pooled budgets

Pooled resources

Pooled risk

Populace

Potentialities

Practitioners

Predictors of Beaconicity

Preventative services

Prioritization

Priority

Proactive

Process driven

Procure

Procurement

Promulgate

Proportionality

Protocol

Provider vehicles

Quantum

Quick hit

Quick win

Rationalisation

Rebaselining

Reconfigured

Resource allocation

Revenue Streams

Risk based

Robust

Scaled-back

Scoping

Sector wise

Seedbed

Self-aggrandizement

Service users

Shared priority

Shell developments

Signpost

Single conversations

Single point of contact

Situational

Slippage

Social contracts

Social exclusion

Spatial

Stakeholder

Step change

Strategic

Strategic priorities

Streamlined

Sub-regional

Subsidiarity

Sustainable

Sustainable communities

Symposium

Synergies

Systematics

Taxonomy

Tested for Soundness

Thematic

Thinking outside of the box

Third sector

Toolkit

Top-down

Trajectory

Tranche

Transactional

Transformational

Transparency

Upstream

Upward trend

Utilise

Value-added

Vision

Visionary

Welcome

Wellbeing

Worklessness

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Please sign this

Please sign this.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

A quick post

My thoughts are with the PSNI and their kith and kin just now after the latest atrocity across the water.

Keep safe guys and girls.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times