Thursday, April 26, 2007

News Roll Up

The first entry is a bit of a mish-mash, but both stories are tenuously related and come from Plymouth. Firstly, there was the frankly unbelievable report quoted by Sky News about the four women pictured (and by the way I love the Mum's 'Jazz Hands') who 'encouraged' weans to fight each other.

Having seen them in all their glory, it will come as no surprise that Plymouth has been voted the most unfashionably dressed city in the UK, as reported by the Beeb. Not saying too much on that given that guess where came second.

Did I mention that the blues won last night. My head tells me they did!

I don't know if you have been following the Angelika Kluk murder trial, but each day this becomes more like a script for EastEnders. Extra-marital affairs, Sex with Priests, Sheriffs, Polish Immigrants.... whatever next!

Finally, and one I've been itching to report, but it was sub-judice till now. The only thing wrong was the old fashioned collar and tie. And just in case you wonder, the shoulder number was 0069!


Fitaloon said...


You do not talk about Toddler Fight Club.

OK, so you want to start a Toddler Fight Club. Don't worry, it's not as difficult as you may think. First of all you'll need a couple of toddlers, preferably one with a bit of a temper. Then all you have to do is stick them in the garden together and wait. Before long one of them will throw a fist. What do you do now?

a) Break it up and chastise the aggressor
b) Protect the victim
c) Encourage a full-on scrap

If you said 'c' you're well on your way.

The second rule of Toddler Fight Club is: You do not talk about Toddler Fight Club.

Both toddlers may be a little traumatised after their first fight, but don't worry. They will soon be overwhelmed with a tremendous sense of freedom and self-confidence and they'll never look back. Now it's time to expand. Mention it to other parents in the area, sound them out, drop hints, look for that glint in their eye. Before you know it you'll have a core membership and some serious momentum.

The third rule of Toddler Fight Club is: If it's your first time at Toddler Fight Club and you're a toddler... you have to fight.

It's essential to have the right venue. A garden or a public park is okay for staged events to attract new members, but for fight nights you'll need a place of your own. A large basement is perfect or perhaps you could hire the function room at your local bowling club. Make sure there's plenty of juice and sweets, a nap area and soft play. The toddlers will need somewhere to go when they're not in the fighting pit.

The fourth rule of Toddler Fight Club is: For Christ's sake don't video it and show it to the police.

Inevitably the authorities will take an interest. But don't lose sleep. A 12 month suspended sentence is the going rate and all you'll need to do is lie low for a month and then change venues. Before you know it those toddlers will be back in the ring and biffing hell out of each other. Happy Toddler Fight Clubbing!

from the Daily Mash

James said...

I suspect that the judge's thought process was somewhat like this: "They're not a danger to the public, there's not much to deter them from now their kids are in care, the gutter press can handle the punishment aspect at no cost to the taxpayer and we're running out of cells anyway."

Fitaloon said...

For your information

the Champions League 3rd and 4th place playoff for 2006/2007 is to be held at Wembley later this month.

- they are calling it the F.A.Cup Final.

Liverpool Stealers