Up in the tropics....

Corking day up here in the frozen north, a mere 17c.

Sunsets to die for captured by colleagues.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pandamonium

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch.

Weather Warning

Hurricane Irene has been downgraded to a Scottish Summer.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch.

........ Apologists.

Is it just me, as far as I am from Norf Lundun, or do others wonder why do we have to suffer the bleetings of those individuals who are trotted out by our wonderful media to explain that the underlying impoverishment and disenfranchisement of the yoof is the rationale for blatant criminality.

If I was poor, disadvantaged, abandoned and starving you might under the most desperate of circumstances see me and my massive making the local Lidl an open air emporium for the famished population, but what do we actually see ........?

........ Fashionistas busting the windows of JD Sports to engorge themselves on vital victuals such as one tens and trackies and the truly desperate at Currys helping themselves to life saving HDTVs.

Ten out of ten to Sky News for their beautifully succinct comment on their Twitter site in relation to a news alert on their ticker. If only the rest of their coverage was as balanced.

In summation, however, this is clearly all the Police's fault. I must have missed the bit at Polis College about how I was to solve all the country's social ills. I thought that was the Politicians job - silly me. Mind you one has to let them have their foreign holidays and the rest of us can just muck in and cover for them since we can no longer afford such luxuries after Ms May's patently counter-productive decimation of our pay, pensions and conditions. I do feel so sorry she had to cut short her vacation.

I have, based on the collective assumption of guilt, penned a letter to my own Chief Constable, requesting he pay immediate attention to the non-appearance of summer hereabouts. If he is on the ball, he will roll out an obscure ecomentalist to explain it all to us.

Stay safe my southern cousins.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pull the other one.......

Please feel free to add the term 'pish' to this article!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hang on it's still 'summer'

I have decided that coming out of hibernation will be postponed until 'summer' 2011.

According to Toytown's local rag;

Weather experts today warned the Toytown area could be hit with snow in September. Positive Weather Solutions senior forecaster Jonathan Powell said: “Next month will be colder and wetter than average and that may well be enough to include some snowfall over the hills. “October will follow suit – we are in for a cold autumn and a stonker of a winter. It’s going to be on a par with last winter.”

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Counting the Cost

Credit where credit is due to the Beeb tonight as their correspondent rightly said the damage and disruption caused by the floods pailed into insignificance after the sad news of the death of PC Bill Barker.

I posted back in early September about local flooding and it has been persisting it down virtually non-stop since, but not once did I stop to think that that might be the ultimate peril.

R.I.P.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Drookit

Intelligence received on 04/09/2009 provides that some 'motorists' think they are invincible.

Despite the presence of the Polis at this flash flood, some 'drivers' still decided they could forge on through the sypit streets.

Oops!

Fireman Sam was busy rescuing them all over the place.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

What a lot of weather we've been having!

Icicles 05,
Uploaded by Toytowner.

Any more of this malarky and I will be able to touch this icicle. (Click the photo for more of the same and a bigger view).

Meanwhile it seems that Tesco, whilst apparently cheaper than ASDA, are having to do some DIY.  They are not alone in having holes in the road similar to those created by a small IED and the new sport of dodging the potholes on our local roads.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wither Forecast

Aye, fine, bit nae abidy gets the choice tae bide at hame. Some of us hae tae work 24/7. It's been chookin it doon hale watter a' weekend. Drookit I wis, min. Mind yi, jist as weel it wisna caller or I'd be knee deep in sna.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Furry boots

Woke this morn to an inch o' sna and decided 'at global warning is definitely a fraud. 

Stonehead captured the affa bonnie scenes.

Weather seems to be changing for the worse even in places you'd least expect.

Last weekend saw Mr UHDD in peril fell running in Cumbria and all who link to Mrs UHDD will be glad he and his clamjafry came oot safely if somewhat drookit. 

The accompanying video shows 'at it wis dreich right enough.  Here's a shorter taster.

I was going to suggest that Mr UHDD sat down with a wee dram and watched this, especially after the last episode linked here amongst the comments made.

Wrap up and dinna forget they furry boots, min.

© McNoddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tha i fliuch.

Well that's the tourist trade done for again.

Apparently it's WET in Scotland and this causes us Jox to drop down dead at an alarming rate. I'm told we get only as much sun as those folk up north of the Arctic Circle.

Funny that, I'm sure we had a season called summer due some day soon.

All this weather might explain some other daft Scottish traits.

Meanwhile, PeePee and all you monoglots doon south can get to grips with the other language spoken in these pairts as of the 19th. and then you might just understand the post title.

Global warming my posterior!

It's a fraud. Just what are the Polis doing about this?

Listening to: The Silencers - Scottish Rain
via FoxyTunes

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

In the Summertime

I'm back from my gallivanting and can I be the first to say "Ha Ha Mourinho."

The weather has been mixed (that's Doric for shite), but for a change it appears those southwards have not been overly blessed with sunshine. Being a typical Scot me and the sunshine don't exactly see eye to eye, inasmuch as mair freckles and red raw skin are nae my cup o' tea. However, a wee bit more rays would not have gone amiss.

Typically, I had to go to the end of the earth (well to she who has to be obeyed's family croft) to get the best weather!



Up in these parts the sheep are always happy.

So, what else has been happening since I was away. The youngest got all his Standard Grades (what used to be 'O' grades/levels) and all top grades too. I think back to his early days and his autistic spectrum 'problems' and this is nothing short of amazing. He deserved his large hug fae his Pa! (Somehow I think he will be looking for something more material though).

The eldest turns 21 today. It is time he was given the key to his own bleedin' door! (I'm joking loon!)

One thing I will say is that having spent a ridiculous amount of time behind some clown on the A9 who didn't read the bit in the Highway Code about CONSIDERATION FOR OTHER ROAD USERS, this is far overdue, even if it is being supported by another clown, who will be safe in the knowledge that his adored team will not be disgracing themselves in Europe. Well, off the pitch anyway!!!!

So what's been going on since I've been away in the hive of activity that is the Highlands?

Georgia beat Russia ............ in the quine's beach volleyball at the Olympix anyway. I know, I was transfixed by this event. I even found out from the commentary team that the 2 Georgians were Brazilians. I know the outfits were skimpy, but how did they know that? I've heard of drug testing, but rug testing....... I'll get my hiviz.

But, otherwise most of the news has been crap.

In pseudo DBA Dude booze review mode, I can report that, whilst away, I popped into a Teuchter Tesco (f.a.o. AnneDroid - anither 'een!) and found this smashing wee drop. I should have bought more 'cos it has yet to hit Tesco's shelves locally.

Back to work next week, so maybe something Polis related to follow, but mind, I have a life!

Listening to: Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Snowy Saturday

Easter? Spring?

Yesterday at work, the howling ice cold gales straight off the Arctic ripped through me like a knife.

Today I woke up to this on my day off. If it stays like this for tomorrow, my eggs won't be rolling anywhere.

Dog seems happy though.

For those of you still out there working, wrap up.

Me I'm back off to my bed with a hot cup of java, imagining what it must be like to be sinking a pint of Guinness over in Singapore.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Last Resort

It was a beautiful day here in Toytown for the first day of June. Well it was until the haar set in.

There I was at 6am on the 2nd speaking to a group of teenagers who'd decided, in the sunshine, to pitch their tent on the outskirts of town at a local 'beauty spot'.

When they'd set up home for the night (having told their olds that they were variously staying at each other's house for the night!) it had been, as they called it, "Paradise."

Looking at them now, wrapped up in quilts and sleeping bags shivering in 'T' shirts, in the cold of the morning accentuated by the haar so dense it was like drizzle, I had to ask, "I don't know why."

It was lost on them as I continued, "Call someplace Paradise, kiss it goodbye!"

Kids!

An old codger, a bold dodger & a cold todger

"He jist flashed by, ken."

My ickle bruvver couldn't resist this story from Perth which was reported by the Beeb.

A pensioner is being sought by police after he was spotted driving naked around a bowling green in Perth on a motorised scooter.

The man, thought to be in his 70s, was seen in South Inch by a passer-by at about 1000 GMT on Thursday.

The witness was concerned he would be seen by children at a nearby park.

A Tayside Police spokesman said the man put his clothes back on and drove off. The man's scooter is believed to have a top speed of 3 mph.

The sheer speed of his getaway obviously dissuaded any pursuers. Apparently several officers were dispatched to the bowling club to investigate but the fugitive had gone - leaving tyre tracks as the only clue to his identity.

A spokeswoman for Tayside Police confirmed they were looking for the fugitive. She said:

"At 10.10am, a naked man was seen on a disability motorised scooter at the South Inch.

"The area was searched and there was no trace of the male involved. We are still actively looking for him."

According to Polis pursuit rules we are not supposed to pursue folk on bikes/scooters that are not wearing helmets (though his helmet may well have been on display) in case they fall off (the rider that is) and injure themselves. I suppose that would include a foot pursuit too given the speed.

When caught I'm sure he will be ASBO'd!

As ickle bruvver noted, a brave old man in this weather!

Weather report for Toytown

Given all the fuss down in Englandshire, I thought you might like to be kept up to date with the weather up here in Northern Jockland.

New uniform needed

What with record temperatures on Monday for Aberdeen (and I can say it was warmer here inland) and a car thermometer recorded 31c (88f) at Burn o'Vat (nr Ballater) on Thursday, I for one am not bothered if the summers get better and better due to that global warming rumour, but having seen one of my colleagues perspiring, nae expiring, on the main street in Ballater on Thursday as he dealt with the sudden influx of townies escaping the haar, it got me thinking of my next subject report I will need to submit to my gaffers on my return to work on Thursday (82f forecast by the way).

Sir,

I have to report that there is a need for a new summer uniform. It is acknowledged that the death of the collar and tie in favour of the lightweight top thingy is more comfortable in the present weather conditions, but can consideration be given to the issue of designer shorts, RayBans, steel toe-capped sandals and air-conditioned body armour?

And do we still need to wear hats?

PC Betty Swallocks

Ahhhhhrgyll

So to Saturday and we cross country westwards via Lochearnhead, Crianlarich, Tyndrum and Taynuilt to 20 miles south of Oban to a cottage called East Kames.


On arrival I am eaten alive by the dreaded midgies and hastily beat a retreat to Oban once the bags were unpacked. Our co-tenants weren't due to arrive till later, so we poked about in Oban for a while. Meanwhile weather improves and, on return to cottage, the midges have obviously overdosed on human blood (mainly mine) and are off annoying sheep in field next to cottage (or as others suggested flown off to get their mates given that my blood seems to be a particular delicacy for the Culicoides Impunctatus.) I am glad to say they did not return till the last night of our stay.

p.s. Best skin applied repellant for midges is Skin so Soft by Avon ..... and this is not a wind up believe me. Click here for other devotees, and if you think it sounds a little ....well girly ..... then I can tell you the hard men of the SAS swear (profusely no doubt) by it.

10 of us stayed at the cottage (and 2 dugs) and its location was idyllic, as can be seen from the view above from the garden.

We visited a number of local sights, go karted, some went horseriding, ate well and kept ourselves well hydrated. The weather was average at the start of the week, but by the end of the week it was truly gorgeous. I only put my rain jacket on once and never needed a jumper.

We made an excursion to Mull and Iona on the Thursday and I will save a blog for that alone...the highlight of the holiday for me and all the other adults.

On the Friday we celebrated Mary's birthday and Peter and Mary's wedding anniversary (Paul didn't make the trip - sic). Mary, Peter, Elaine and I had our best lunch of the holidays at the pink, but otherwise unprepossessing Anchor Inn in Tarbert, Loch Fyne. The food was advertised as award winning and it certainly lived up to the reputation. I suspect an evening meal there would be a winner. The weather by then was scorching, so it was a leisurely 90 minutes in the sun outside, on the only 4 chairs they had, for us. Later there was a surprise party for the two of them and a send off for us all on our last night.

On the trip back we stopped of at the wonderful Ballachullish Hotel for lunch and sat outside stunned by the views and the sunshine. We then set off for Fort William to do some shopping, but the sun had got to she who must be obeyed and she realised she had left her little backpack at the hotel, so back we went. I made the decision that given the weather and the passage of time, that once reunited with the bag, we should travel back via Glencoe. One of my better decisions as it was glorious and boiling hot as we made a comfort stop at Tyndrum, enjoyed an ice cream and lay out in the sun again. It is at times like this that you are truly in awe of Scotland's landscape and glad you couldn't thole a trip abroad.

Junior was less impressed and just wanted to get home to civilisation (i.e. Sky TV, Internet, Subway sannies and his m8s) and told us repeatedly, so off we hurtled to the flatlands of Aberdeenshire!

Now...... Mull and Iona.

Scotland in Spring - Part II

Back on the 1st of March, I posted some chilly photos depicting the vagaries of Scottish weather. Well, here we are 2 months on and Glen Tanar was looking awesome today as the 'little woman' and I walked the dog.