New uniform needed

What with record temperatures on Monday for Aberdeen (and I can say it was warmer here inland) and a car thermometer recorded 31c (88f) at Burn o'Vat (nr Ballater) on Thursday, I for one am not bothered if the summers get better and better due to that global warming rumour, but having seen one of my colleagues perspiring, nae expiring, on the main street in Ballater on Thursday as he dealt with the sudden influx of townies escaping the haar, it got me thinking of my next subject report I will need to submit to my gaffers on my return to work on Thursday (82f forecast by the way).

Sir,

I have to report that there is a need for a new summer uniform. It is acknowledged that the death of the collar and tie in favour of the lightweight top thingy is more comfortable in the present weather conditions, but can consideration be given to the issue of designer shorts, RayBans, steel toe-capped sandals and air-conditioned body armour?

And do we still need to wear hats?

PC Betty Swallocks