Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Yiv ken yoors in the Polis fan.......

I dinna usually post emails I receive, but jist noo' an' en een hits yon mark and I jist hae to share.
Yiv micht hae sin 'is afore, but hey.


1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
4. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.
5. You conduct a PNC check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
6. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
7. You find humour in other people's stupidity.
8. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
9. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
10. You have your weekends off planned for a year.
11. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "It's quiet tonight."
13. You refer to your favourite restaurant by the junction at which its located.
14. You have always wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."
15. You have never had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
16. You believe the Sergeant is a sh*t magnet possessed by a demon.
17. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
18. The person you're speaking with states, "That's not mine. I have no idea how that got there."
19. You believe anyone who says, "I only had a half" is definitely going to blow red.
20. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
21. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.
22. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
23. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
24. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their mate and shout, "They've come to get you, Jimmy."
25. You do not see daylight from November until May.
26. People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.
27. You've ever started a sentence with the phrase "We had this great dead body earlier. You should have seen it."
28. A week's worth of laundry consists of 7 shirts, 7 pairs of socks, and 7 pairs of pants.
29. You've ever referred to Thursday as "My Monday".
30. Anyone has ever said, "Haven't you got anything better to do? There are rapists and murderers out there and you're stopping me for drink driving".


Twining says: said...

Noddy I love the accent, as you write it, I just try talking like you and fail miserably. What's a yellow clan my man? And now I get Pee Pee bit, Pink Panther. You are a right one!

Big Fella in Blue said...

Noddy, very funny mate. You scots have a good sense of humour. I joined up with a lad called rab, he used to have me laughing on a daily basis.
I think I agreed with every point.