I do like my Guinness, and those wonderful people from the Kingdom of Fife have come up with the perfect answer for the morning after.
I does, however, say something about the Scottish diet (a contradiction in terms if ever there was), what with Mars bars in batter and the like.
I dinna usually post emails I receive, but jist noo' an' en een hits yon mark and I jist hae to share.
Yiv micht hae sin 'is afore, but hey.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A COP WHEN.......
1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
4. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.
5. You conduct a PNC check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
6. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
7. You find humour in other people's stupidity.
8. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
9. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
10. You have your weekends off planned for a year.
11. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "It's quiet tonight."
13. You refer to your favourite restaurant by the junction at which its located.
14. You have always wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."
15. You have never had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
16. You believe the Sergeant is a sh*t magnet possessed by a demon.
17. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
18. The person you're speaking with states, "That's not mine. I have no idea how that got there."
19. You believe anyone who says, "I only had a half" is definitely going to blow red.
20. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
21. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.
22. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
23. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
24. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their mate and shout, "They've come to get you, Jimmy."
25. You do not see daylight from November until May.
26. People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.
27. You've ever started a sentence with the phrase "We had this great dead body earlier. You should have seen it."
28. A week's worth of laundry consists of 7 shirts, 7 pairs of socks, and 7 pairs of pants.
29. You've ever referred to Thursday as "My Monday".
30. Anyone has ever said, "Haven't you got anything better to do? There are rapists and murderers out there and you're stopping me for drink driving".
Since everyone else is doing it......here goes:
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I have the same middle name as my mum [same last one as my dad - doh!]
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Semi-final Champions League 2007.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Well it's better than my foot.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Lamb.
5. DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? I'm male, we don't get pregnant stupid!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Aye, click here
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? See above.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No. I have Acrophobia.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Real Porridge made the night before.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I checked and .....no!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Mentally - yes. Physically - when needs must.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? Toffee and pecan.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? There's less in the countryside.
15. RED OR PINK? Do you not read this blog regularly?
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My pursuit of perfection.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My dad.
19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I'm in the scud......!
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Rice pudding.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of my computer.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? White....think about it.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Jo Malone perfume/bath oil on my Missus
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My wife's best friend.
25. WORST HABIT? Sleeping too much - in the land of Nod!
26. FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Non-judgemental.
27. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Footie and F1
28. HAIR COLOUR? Brown, but increasingly grey.
29. EYE COLOR? Green
30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No
31. FAVOURITE FOOD? Steak.
32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Latter.
33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Rambo - dunno why though!
34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? I've already said I'm.......
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, 'cos they are rare round here.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs.
37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Cranachan
38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No comment.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Recidivists.
40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? John O'Farrell - I blame the scapegoats.
41. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE MAT? Chelsea FC logo.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Top Gear, Brainiac [with the youngest loon], then to bed...early turn.
43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOUND? Silence.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Both.
45. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? The U.K.....'cos I lived in Malaysia!
46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Sleeping!
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? I'm a yellow belly conceived in Aberdeen.
Looking forward to the court case on this latest gizmo inspired by Apple's iPod. Should be a headline writer's godsend!
Regular readers - well there must be some - will have noticed my leave of absence.
Been in a depressed state of late what with the blues surrendering their championship to the Manks and the exit from Europe at the hands of Liverpool.
However, we weren't the only ones.....
Yesterday, I was somewhat nervous that it was about to be penalties again, when up stepped Drogba to net just in time and restore some pride.
I have also been pressed into decorating (just like Ms Hulett) by she who must be obeyed, so there's been little time to scribe.
Going back to the footie, the local bunch managed a creditable thrashing of the 'Gers today and will have UEFA football next season. That should see them embarrass themselves with a thrashing by Dinamo Whatever of some Balkan nation and all the local hullabaloo can calm down.
I was amused though by Jose's quips about his fellow national.
Pot/kettle?
P.S. Given that the cup final was a sort of unofficial 3rd and 4th place play-off for the Champions League, does that mean we beat the Manks twice?
