LOL

I encourage you to read this Inspector's blog - the linked article is just one of many painfully true observations on our profession and how others are trying to ruin it and the job we are supposed to do for our 'customers.'

Mr Happy !

Holiday time has arrived.
A whole calendar month off !

BIG

Attic Theatre presents

'BIG' - THE MUSICAL

Aberdeen Arts Centre

Tuesday 13 – Saturday 17 June

at 7.30pm

Time to remind you...... tickets available for Saturday ..... click here for online bookings.

See original post here.

Tesco offers rum as contraceptive

Another mystery solved - click for more.

Aye, right....UEFA in Cuckoo land again!

Rangers told to axe 'Billy Boys' (or should that be chib? - ed)

All parties are united in a bid to silence the minority that continue to tarnish the reputation of Rangers Football Club Rangers statement

Rangers have been ordered to make a public announcement at all of their home games prohibiting the chanting of the song "Billy Boys".

The instruction comes from Uefa as one of a number of directives aimed at stamping out sectarianism.

Rangers were fined £13,000 for the sectarian behaviour of their fans at a recent Champions League match against Villareal - see pic.

And Rangers chairman David Murray has already met with supporters groups to make sure their fans comply.

The Rangers Assembly, fanzine and website Follow Follow and the Supporters Trust were all represented at the Murray Park meeting on Thursday evening.

Murray said: "These supporters' groups represented should be applauded for coming forward in recognition of the importance of this issue.

"I am delighted at the progress we made.

"Over the last two years, the club has strove fervently under the banner of 'Pride over Prejudice' working with the authorities to impose indefinite and lifetime bans.

"I look forward in the coming weeks to implementing some of the actions that were discussed.

"It is absolutely clear to all concerned that all supporters need to commit to silencing the minority."

The meeting followed receipt of Uefa's written grounds for fining Rangers following the tie against Villarreal.

Uefa also ordered Rangers to "anounce measurable targets in order to reduce sectarian behaviour amongst its supporters".

And it instructed the Glasgow club to prove the success of its measures through statistics communicated to the public.

Rangers have warned that their fans must comply to "avoid sanctions being imposed or expulsion from European competition altogether".

"A positive debate was held at Murray Park and all parties are united in a bid to silence the minority that continue to tarnish the reputation of Rangers Football Club," it was stated on the club website.

A joint committe has been formed between the club and supporters groups.

And a statement from the fans' bodies read: "The message now could not be clearer that the spotlight is upon the supporters and the club and it is their duty to work together to stamp out the minority who are damaging the reputations of all those connected with Rangers Football Club.

"Not only does this small minority tarnish the reputation of Rangers but of Scottish football and our society in general and hopefully anyone who is interested in Scottish football will work with us in assisting to eradicate this behaviour."

This is pants too!

ABERDEEN

18C - HAAR

TARLAND

25C - GLORIOUS SUNSHINE







UK

SPOT THE NORTH EASTERN CHILL ZONE

Pants

Clearly Engerland fans have taken my last post too literally!

p.s.

Shouldn't the Beckham ones be thongs?

Click here or on the post header for more Engerland bums!

I don't believe it

For those who have seen that Mars Bars have launched a marketing campaign to support England in the World Cup, you will have seen that the word 'Mars' on the wrapper has been changed to 'Believe'. These are currently on sale in most stores in England.

They have also launched a separate campaign in Scotland, as attached.

Firefox or IE?

IE just ain't as CUTE!

No way am I going on holiday!!!

'One Of Those Accidents'

A teenager blew the roof off his parents' house while they were away on holiday, after trying his hand at washing clothes.

Sean Davey, 18, left a washing basket full of clothes on top of the electric cooker in his parents' kitchen.

However, he then accidentally knocked one of the hob rings on before going out.

Unbeknown to him, the heated ring set fire to the clothes, which in turn ignited a nearby bag of shopping.

A deodorant can in the shopping exploded with such force it blew out the windows, cracked a wall and and lifted the roof off the bungalow.

Sean whipped up the £35,000 worth of damage while his parents were away on holiday, according to the Daily Telegraph.

His mother Joanne Bray and her husband Paul cut short their trip to the Scottish Highlands to return and survey the damage.

Mrs Bray said: "Sean phoned me and said 'Mum, the house is on fire'.

"I have forgiven him because it was just one of those unfortunate accidents. I am just grateful that he and the dogs are alive and well.

"It is just ironic that the fire was started by the electric hob because Sean didn't actually cook anything while we were away - he survived on microwave meals and takeaways." (Sounds like someone I know - ed.)

The blast at their home in Caister-on-Sea, near Great Yarmouth, in Norfolk, caused £20,000 structural damage and £15,000 fire and smoke damage.

Sean has blamed the family dog, labrador cross Jet, saying she must have jumped up and turned the cooker on.

Magna Carta tops 'British' day poll

'British' day off?

Baggy Trousers

Thanks to the ikkle bruvver for finding this gem

Film stars Wallace and Gromit also had The Wrong Trousers

Police officers have been caught short after being supplied with the wrong trousers.

Animated movie stars Wallace and Gromit endured The Wrong Trousers and now Grampian Police is the short leg rather than the long arm of the law.

The Grampian force is switching to a more casual uniform in June.

The size problem is believed to have arisen after staff took their own waist measurements. Work is under way to iron out the problem with suppliers.

Grampian Police Inspector Ian Swan said: "I am aware a number of officers have experienced some difficulty with their trousers.

"Obviously, with the large number of officers - over 1,200 officers - who are being supplied with their uniform in one go, there's bound to be some mistakes and errors.

"I'm one of the lucky ones, I put down the right measurement and mine fit."

p.s.

Mine fit too (but don't tell anyone I got Tayside police logos on my new fleeces!).

The quote from BBC that it was down to cops measuring themselves is just typical journalise and inaccurate - most of the complaints are down to the bagginess of the legs and that's not measured! Some trousers apparently would not look out of place as spinnakers!

Either that or flares are back in fashion.

How Scottish Are You?

Click here

Boro 'squashed' in final 4-0

Pithy!

Scotland in Spring - Part II

Back on the 1st of March, I posted some chilly photos depicting the vagaries of Scottish weather. Well, here we are 2 months on and Glen Tanar was looking awesome today as the 'little woman' and I walked the dog.

Speaking of Success

Good luck to the grinning eejits's mob in the UEFA Cup Final and what a game again to qualify for the final.

Oh so sweet.

Chelsea 3-0 Man Utd

Chelsea clinched a second successive Premiership title with victory over Man United at Stamford Bridge.

Jose Mourinho's side needed only a point to put the seal on another title triumph, and William Gallas set them on their way with a fifth-minute header.

Joe Cole added a brilliant individual goal on the hour and Ricardo Carvalho fired home Chelsea's third.

But the mood of celebration was dampened as England hope Wayne Rooney was stretchered off late on.

Chelsea boss Mourinho restored Cole and Arjen Robben to the side that lost the FA Cup semi-final against Liverpool.

And with only a point needed to secure the title, Chelsea made the perfect start when they went ahead inside five minutes.

Frank Lampard's corner was knocked forward by Drogba and Gallas stole in to head past the stranded Edwin Van der Sar.

There was a major scare for Chelsea and England two minutes later when John Terry was felled by a late tackle from international team-mate Rooney.

Terry lay motionless for a lengthy period with what looked like a shin injury, but just as a stretcher was being brought out, he recovered and was able to continue after several minutes' treatment.

Rooney was United's main threat, and he almost capped a brilliant solo run with an equaliser after 21 minutes.

He glided past Terry and Paulo Ferreira but pulled his shot wide with only Petr Cech to beat.

And he brought another fine save from the keeper three minutes before half-time, Cech diving low to his right to save Rooney's instant 20-yard drive.

Chelsea almost got a second when Cole curled a finish inches wide after 54 minutes - but he made no mistake with a stunning individual effort six minutes later.

Cole took out Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic and Mikael Silvestre with a single turn before racing on to fire high past Van der Sar.

Desperate United boss Sir Alex Ferguson made a change after 64 minutes, sending on Ruud van Nistelrooy for the disappointing Cristiano Ronaldo.

Rooney was then involved in an incident that casts a huge shadow over England's World Cup plans with 15 minutes left.

He stumbled into an innocuous challenge with Ferreira, but collapsed in again clutching the same right foot he broke against Portugal in Euro 2004.

Rooney looked in agony as he was strapped on to a stretcher, leaving the field to sympathic applause from anxious fans of both sides.

Chelsea's title party started in earnest at the final whistle, though the worries over Rooney were a worry for those celebrating as well as the United fans forced to accept their Premiership dreams were over for another season.

---

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho
"The result perhaps does not reflect how well Manchester United played.

"They really made it tough for us and were fantastic with their attacking movement.

"But we overcame it to confirm our position as Premiership champions."

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson
"It was harsh and I don't think 3-0 was a fair reflection of our performance.

"If you lose goals as softly as we did today you have to take your medicine for that.

"We had a lot of the play and made some good chances but we didn't make it count.

"But Chelsea deserve all the plaudits they will get and, especially on their home form, they are worthy champions."

Chelsea: Cech, Paulo Ferreira, Ricardo Carvalho, Terry, Gallas, Makelele, Joe Cole (Crespo 76), Essien, Lampard, Robben (Duff 66), Drogba (Maniche 85).
Subs Not Used: Cudicini, Geremi.

Booked: Cech, Makelele, Gallas, Joe Cole.

Goals: Gallas 5, Joe Cole 61, Ricardo Carvalho 73.

Man Utd: Van der Sar, Neville, Ferdinand, Vidic, Silvestre, Ronaldo (van Nistelrooy 64), O'Shea, Giggs (Richardson 73), Park, Rooney (Evra 82), Saha.
Subs Not Used: Howard, Brown.

Booked: Ronaldo, Rooney.

Att: 42,219

Ref: M Dean (Wirral).

Cleaning - 'The New Therapy'

A happy woman?

Cleaning the house helps women feel in control of their lives, new research suggests. Despite spending longer in the workplace, nearly half the respondents (46%) described themselves as "cleanaholics".

Seven out of 10 women questioned admitted they could not leave the house in a mess without worrying about it.

More than half (58%) felt "depressed" if their house was messy, while 59% said untidiness and clutter made them feel tense.

Only 4% of the women questioned said cleaning was a "waste of time and effort".

The online housework survey of 2,000 women, average age 38, was commissioned by DiscoveryHome and Health. Dee Smith, executive producer of the channel's Cleanaholics series, said: "British women feel happier and more in control of their lives when their home is clean and tidy. "Judging by their high powered cleaning habits there are more desperate housewives on this side of the Atlantic than the other."

She added: "Cleaning is the new therapy."

Feeling Blue

Well that's the double done for and no chance of meeting the 'grinning eejit's' mob in the final either.

Done Drifting

Heather Nova is offering her new video 'Done Drifting' for all to view here.

.... and if you want to keep this video on your hard drive and view full screen in quick time/itunes/real/winamp etc. see comments.