Magna Carta tops 'British' day poll

'British' day off?

Baggy Trousers

Thanks to the ikkle bruvver for finding this gem

Film stars Wallace and Gromit also had The Wrong Trousers

Police officers have been caught short after being supplied with the wrong trousers.

Animated movie stars Wallace and Gromit endured The Wrong Trousers and now Grampian Police is the short leg rather than the long arm of the law.

The Grampian force is switching to a more casual uniform in June.

The size problem is believed to have arisen after staff took their own waist measurements. Work is under way to iron out the problem with suppliers.

Grampian Police Inspector Ian Swan said: "I am aware a number of officers have experienced some difficulty with their trousers.

"Obviously, with the large number of officers - over 1,200 officers - who are being supplied with their uniform in one go, there's bound to be some mistakes and errors.

"I'm one of the lucky ones, I put down the right measurement and mine fit."

p.s.

Mine fit too (but don't tell anyone I got Tayside police logos on my new fleeces!).

The quote from BBC that it was down to cops measuring themselves is just typical journalise and inaccurate - most of the complaints are down to the bagginess of the legs and that's not measured! Some trousers apparently would not look out of place as spinnakers!

Either that or flares are back in fashion.

How Scottish Are You?

Click here

Boro 'squashed' in final 4-0

Pithy!

Scotland in Spring - Part II

Back on the 1st of March, I posted some chilly photos depicting the vagaries of Scottish weather. Well, here we are 2 months on and Glen Tanar was looking awesome today as the 'little woman' and I walked the dog.

Speaking of Success

Good luck to the grinning eejits's mob in the UEFA Cup Final and what a game again to qualify for the final.

Oh so sweet.

Chelsea 3-0 Man Utd

Chelsea clinched a second successive Premiership title with victory over Man United at Stamford Bridge.

Jose Mourinho's side needed only a point to put the seal on another title triumph, and William Gallas set them on their way with a fifth-minute header.

Joe Cole added a brilliant individual goal on the hour and Ricardo Carvalho fired home Chelsea's third.

But the mood of celebration was dampened as England hope Wayne Rooney was stretchered off late on.

Chelsea boss Mourinho restored Cole and Arjen Robben to the side that lost the FA Cup semi-final against Liverpool.

And with only a point needed to secure the title, Chelsea made the perfect start when they went ahead inside five minutes.

Frank Lampard's corner was knocked forward by Drogba and Gallas stole in to head past the stranded Edwin Van der Sar.

There was a major scare for Chelsea and England two minutes later when John Terry was felled by a late tackle from international team-mate Rooney.

Terry lay motionless for a lengthy period with what looked like a shin injury, but just as a stretcher was being brought out, he recovered and was able to continue after several minutes' treatment.

Rooney was United's main threat, and he almost capped a brilliant solo run with an equaliser after 21 minutes.

He glided past Terry and Paulo Ferreira but pulled his shot wide with only Petr Cech to beat.

And he brought another fine save from the keeper three minutes before half-time, Cech diving low to his right to save Rooney's instant 20-yard drive.

Chelsea almost got a second when Cole curled a finish inches wide after 54 minutes - but he made no mistake with a stunning individual effort six minutes later.

Cole took out Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic and Mikael Silvestre with a single turn before racing on to fire high past Van der Sar.

Desperate United boss Sir Alex Ferguson made a change after 64 minutes, sending on Ruud van Nistelrooy for the disappointing Cristiano Ronaldo.

Rooney was then involved in an incident that casts a huge shadow over England's World Cup plans with 15 minutes left.

He stumbled into an innocuous challenge with Ferreira, but collapsed in again clutching the same right foot he broke against Portugal in Euro 2004.

Rooney looked in agony as he was strapped on to a stretcher, leaving the field to sympathic applause from anxious fans of both sides.

Chelsea's title party started in earnest at the final whistle, though the worries over Rooney were a worry for those celebrating as well as the United fans forced to accept their Premiership dreams were over for another season.

---

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho
"The result perhaps does not reflect how well Manchester United played.

"They really made it tough for us and were fantastic with their attacking movement.

"But we overcame it to confirm our position as Premiership champions."

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson
"It was harsh and I don't think 3-0 was a fair reflection of our performance.

"If you lose goals as softly as we did today you have to take your medicine for that.

"We had a lot of the play and made some good chances but we didn't make it count.

"But Chelsea deserve all the plaudits they will get and, especially on their home form, they are worthy champions."

Chelsea: Cech, Paulo Ferreira, Ricardo Carvalho, Terry, Gallas, Makelele, Joe Cole (Crespo 76), Essien, Lampard, Robben (Duff 66), Drogba (Maniche 85).
Subs Not Used: Cudicini, Geremi.

Booked: Cech, Makelele, Gallas, Joe Cole.

Goals: Gallas 5, Joe Cole 61, Ricardo Carvalho 73.

Man Utd: Van der Sar, Neville, Ferdinand, Vidic, Silvestre, Ronaldo (van Nistelrooy 64), O'Shea, Giggs (Richardson 73), Park, Rooney (Evra 82), Saha.
Subs Not Used: Howard, Brown.

Booked: Ronaldo, Rooney.

Att: 42,219

Ref: M Dean (Wirral).

Cleaning - 'The New Therapy'

A happy woman?

Cleaning the house helps women feel in control of their lives, new research suggests. Despite spending longer in the workplace, nearly half the respondents (46%) described themselves as "cleanaholics".

Seven out of 10 women questioned admitted they could not leave the house in a mess without worrying about it.

More than half (58%) felt "depressed" if their house was messy, while 59% said untidiness and clutter made them feel tense.

Only 4% of the women questioned said cleaning was a "waste of time and effort".

The online housework survey of 2,000 women, average age 38, was commissioned by DiscoveryHome and Health. Dee Smith, executive producer of the channel's Cleanaholics series, said: "British women feel happier and more in control of their lives when their home is clean and tidy. "Judging by their high powered cleaning habits there are more desperate housewives on this side of the Atlantic than the other."

She added: "Cleaning is the new therapy."

Feeling Blue

Well that's the double done for and no chance of meeting the 'grinning eejit's' mob in the final either.

Done Drifting

Heather Nova is offering her new video 'Done Drifting' for all to view here.

.... and if you want to keep this video on your hard drive and view full screen in quick time/itunes/real/winamp etc. see comments.

New Beat?

Following a trek for charity some of the guys have a new beat in the Himalayas!







Sean is particularly pleased with the view of Mt Everest.

SiteAdvisor bought by McAfee

This useful application for both IE and Firefox has been bought by McAfee. If you want to try it - click here

Here we go again - another IE patch needed

Well ... guess what?

Try this on Firefox and there is no problem. Try it on IE and.......

Need I say more?

Errorjet - It could only happen in Ireland!

Wrong Airport Blunder

Sky News
Wednesday March 29

A pilot who landed his passenger jet at a military airbase by mistake has been questioned by aviation authorities.

Thirty-nine passengers and six crew were on board the Ryanair flight from Liverpool, which was due to touchdown at City of Derry airport.

But it landed at neighbouring Ballykelly air field - five miles short of its intended destination.

Passengers laughed at first, when the pilot announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed at the wrong airport.

"I would ask you to be patient with us."

One passenger said: "I looked out and saw army officers everywhere. It was just unbelievable."

The travellers were eventually coached to the correct destination.

The jet was grounded on the orders of aviation authorities, who demanded an immediate investigation.

Ryanair confirmed the blunder and said, in a statement, that the flight was operated by Eirjet on behalf of Ryanair.

It said: "This incident arose as a result of an error by the Eirjet's pilot who mistakenly believed he was on a visual approach to City of Derry airport."

"The Eirjet pilot was cleared by Air Traffic Control in City of Derry for a visual approach and mistook the nearby Ballykelly for City of Derry."

It added that such a mistake had never happened throughout its 20-year history.

My loon's on stage again

Attic Theatre presents

'BIG' - THE MUSICAL

Aberdeen Arts Centre

Tuesday 13 – Saturday 17 June

at 7.30pm



Book by John Weidman.
Music by David Shire.
Lyrics by Richard Maltby Jr.

The 1987 hit movie bursts onstage in this vibrant, tuneful, funny and touching musical by three of Broadway's modern masters. When frustrated adolescent Josh Baskin wishes he were “big” and wakes up the next morning a 30 year-old man, he discovers there's much more to being an adult than he'd bargained for - and learns we must all grow up at our own pace, in our own time. A witty, moving, insightful book and a dazzling, energetic, heartfelt, contemporary score make this already-classic motion picture fantasy into an unforgettable theatrical experience.

www.attictheatre.co.uk

My youngest loon Ewan has landed a big role in this production of 'Big' to be on later this year in the Aberdeen Arts Theatre.

He will be playing the part of Billy Kopeche. 'Big' started life as a Broadway Musical in 1996 following on from the film released in 1988.

Well done Ewan.

Why is anyone still using Internet Explorer? ..... and why I use Firefox

Why is anyone still using Internet Explorer? - click here for full article.

Opinion | OK, how many times must Internet Explorer be ripped open like a hot 16-year old in a summer slasher movie before people finally get it: IE is not safe. Period. End of statement. eWeek

March 28, 2006 12:58 PM PST

Lots to catch up on

She who must be obeyed recently observed, "I think we should redecorate the dining room."

Having just recently done the bathroom and master bedroom, I shrugged my shoulders, as only a long suffering married male knows how to, and accepted the inevitable - no help from herself then again!

So there I am during my spring annual leave, hair looking greyer than normal due to silk emulsion splatter, wrestling with paper, paste and bucket. I'm sure it will look gr8 when it's finished .... just as I'm due back to 'work'.

On that note...... Mr Plod is back to Response policing next month. After 5 years away from the coalface and plenty of red meat in the freezer life will be different around these parts!

During my absence the Blues have stuttered at Fulham, where the 'Hand of Drog' was denied by a pacific protest by the Fulham team, breezed past the ickle bruvver's fave Englandshire footie team, where the 'Hand of Drog' went unseen and the skyblues captain was sent off for not giving the Ref 'his' ball back. Pure theatre!!

And just in case you think I am talking through a hole in my posterior....

Sunday Telegraph - 26/03/2006 11:08

"Distin dismissed after Drogba proves a handful"

Mike Dean and the assistant who buzzed him after Didier Drogba had handled before finding the net against Fulham last Sunday were rather faintly praised, I thought, and the players and supporters of Manchester City must have wished these officials had been in charge here. Instead both the referee, Rob Styles, and the relevant linesman failed to discern that Drogba's second goal followed a similar offence.

This is not to accuse either of incompetence; they can only give what they see and the thicket of City arms that appeared as soon as Drogba had made contact could hardly be taken as conclusive evidence. Nor was there any excuse for Sylvain Distin's refusal to hand the ball to the referee at half-time, which, according to the City manager, Stuart Pearce, prompted Styles to flourish a second yellow card and a red.

On this evidence, Distin left Styles with no alternative bar the kind of supine retreat that demeans refereeing. And finally, on the context front, let it be understood that City were never in the match. Not even remotely.

So there was no miscarriage of justice, merely an error that hastened City's relief from the misery of their hope, if any existed, that a display as flaccid as this would be enough to trouble the champions at a home, where they have not lost in the Premiership for 25 months.

Hand ball? No way!!!!







But, my favourite moment has to be finding this pearl......

'Flatulent' Miss Claims £1m

Wednesday March 22, 2006

A female teacher is claiming £1m in damages after she was forced to sit in a chair that made flatulent sounds.

Sue Storer, 48, told an industrial tribunal she was constantly apologising to children, parents and teachers about the rude noises which emanated from her chair every time she moved.

But the school refused to replace the chair, she claimed.

A year later two male deputy heads got new executive chairs.

"It was very embarrassing to sit on," she told the tribunal.

"I asked for a chair that didn't make these very embarrassing farting sounds."

The divorcee claims the the chair problem was just one example of sexist behaviour that undermined her position at Bedminster Down secondary school in Bristol.

She quit her £48,000 a year job last year and is claiming constructive dismissal and sex discrimination.

Whoopee! What will folk think of next to claim for?

Did I mention before that this would happen?

Next it will be health warnings and adults banned from eating Chocolate Bars etc......

Junk food ads to be banned from kids' TV

By SEAN POULTER, Daily Mail 08:06am 27th March 2006

TV watchdogs aim to ban junk food adverts during children's programmes.

Ofcom will outline plans tomorrow to stop unhealthy foods being advertised on children's television.

This will prevent firms from targeting children by using cartoon characters and celebrities such as Gary Lineker, David Beckham and Britney Spears.

Health and consumer groups criticised the proposals, insisting they do not go far enough.

It is expected Ofcom will ban advertising foods high in fat, salt and sugar from early morning - before children go to school - through until 6pm, and possibly 7.30pm.

Banned products would include takeaway burgers, chicken nuggets, fries, sugarcoated puffed oats, such as Sugar Puffs, Corn Flakes, which are relatively high in salt, crisps, cola and other sugary drinks. Health campaigners want ads for all foods that are high in fat, salt and sugar banned until after the 9pm watershed.

This could outlaw Cadbury's from continuing its sponsorship of Coronation Street.

The ban would also affect McDonalds, Kellogg's, Walker's crisps, Pepsi and Coca-Cola.

Cartoon characters, pop music and images of youngsters tucking into the snacks are all used in adverts.

Promotions or competitions involving computers games, pop music, theme parks and films are also used.

Brands such as Kelloggs' Coco Pops have been successful pitching their adverts at children. Coco Pops are fronted by the cartoon character Coco the monkey, who sings the advertising jingle and leads children through games on the cereal's website.

Ofcom has been told by the Government to draw up a regime that will control the advertising of unhealthy food.

But the watchdog has previously indicated it believes there is little value in controls and supports minimum regulation.

The proposals would be based on voluntary regulation with the industry. Government ministers have threatened to force a crackdown with a change in the law if changes are not implemented.

Groups such as the National Heart Forum and food and health lobbyists Sustain believe controls must go beyond children's programmes.

Richard Watts of Sustain said: "The statistics show that about 70 per cent of commercials during children's viewing are for food. Of these, something like 80-100per cent are for junk.

"These are the wrong messages to send children at a time when we are seeing an increase in weight problems."

Over the past 10 years, obesity among six-year-olds has doubled and trebled among 15-year-olds. And obesity diseases, such as type 2 diabetes, are now being seen for the first time in children.

Jane Landon, deputy chief executive of the NHF, said: "The watershed for allowing the advertising of foods high in fat, salt and sugar should be 9pm."

Programmes targeted at children tend to be broadcast in the morning, at lunchtime and in the afternoon when pupils have returned home.

The ban would also apply to the entire output of dedicated children's television stations including the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon.

Ofcom has described a 9pm watershed as the "nuclear option", warning it would have a disastrous effect on the income of some commercial TV channels.

Another possibility would be to outlaw all food advertising - even healthy products - before a watershed. This would stop junk food manufacturers being singled out for a ban.

National Consumer Council food expert Sue Dibb said: "Anything less than full restrictions on all TV ads and promotions for high fat, salt and sugar foods before the 9pm watershed will be extremely disappointing."

The British Medical Association and backbench Labour MPs also support a total ban on junk food adverts.

Dr Vivienne Nathanson, head of science and ethics at the BMA, said: "Children and parents are surrounded by the marketing of unhealthy cereals, snacks and processed meals. This has to stop."

The Food & Drink Federation rejected the need for restrictions. A spokesman said: "Any simplistic scheme that demonises products does-n't take into account the complexity of people's lifestyles and the way they eat."

The UK boss of McDonalds, Peter Beresford, has made clear that he rejects TV advertising restrictions. He says McDonald's is not to blame for rising obesity, adding: "There is no good food or bad food, only bad diets."

Tech Support III

Foamy is back with his 3rd call to the Indian Sub-Continent.

More Squirrely wrath!

Jogging your way to saggy breasts

Click here for link - thanks to ickle bruvver

p.s. ickle bruvver is a ickle bit less ickle today!!! Happy Birthday loon.