Life in plastic, it's fantastic......

Toy Town™ realised?

On the other hand it doesn't waste petrol.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

No brainer

Over on this side of The Pond we often chuckle at the amount of safety equipment the folk that play the strange version of football called American wear.

You would think then, wouldn't you, that a player of that 'game' might just consider appropriate safety equipment before going out on his motor cycle.

It's a no brainer really.

Lucky man!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Chemical Bondage?

I may be going daft in my old age, but this article had me tripping over myself with ideas for new peecee monikers for our chemically bonded (see I just made one up!) clients. © Noddy Published by Toy Town™ Times

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

Still top!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pull the other one.......

Please feel free to add the term 'pish' to this article!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hang on it's still 'summer'

I have decided that coming out of hibernation will be postponed until 'summer' 2011.

According to Toytown's local rag;

Weather experts today warned the Toytown area could be hit with snow in September. Positive Weather Solutions senior forecaster Jonathan Powell said: “Next month will be colder and wetter than average and that may well be enough to include some snowfall over the hills. “October will follow suit – we are in for a cold autumn and a stonker of a winter. It’s going to be on a par with last winter.”

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Not so bonnie Scotland

There's good and bad in every apple.

The good.

The bad.

.... and in case you missed the first episode here's the link.

p.s. Check (sic) the Burberry!

p.p.s. an update.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Paws for thought

Just when I thought it was the Polis that got all the daft calls from our customers, the SSPCA have well and truly outdone us.

Whatever next?

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Double delight

Noddy is bouncing along merrily in Toytown™ like a happy little chappie with his bell ringing loudly.

Meanwhile, I have been following a new series on the Beeb up here in God's Own Country, but after watching the first offering, I think He may just want to disown bits of it!

You gotta love Marvin the reformed heroin addict...."Marvin is looking forward to seeing his girlfriend; when she gets out of prison."

Depressingly, similar schemes litter every major town and I'm sure, once you manage to unnerstaun the patter, you will recognise the same features in your own neighbourhoods (sic).

So you'll unnerstaun why I'm also delighted since I'm no longer a Response cop (but then nobody is any more up here 'cos we've all now recently moved into a Local Policing Team) and I am now fighting the good fight in a location virtually void of the depressing drudgery of delinquents, domestics and drug dependency.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Diet pehs?

She who must be obeyed would be in a quandary today if she was in the least bit interested in the beautiful game.

Born in Pompey and brought up in Dingwall it would be churlish of me to suggest that whilst I hope to be celebrating a double, she will probably be doubly disappointed.

Meanwhile the Beeb has clearly found the burning issue to report regarding the Scottish FA Cup Final.

Low Fat pehs? I think the Beeb are missing the point!

Anyway, c'mon the Stags and Lions.

Update - The OH would be bereft, but then she doesn't even know there is an offside rule.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Lion and the Unicorn

Time for a history lesson.

Fan I wis a loon at skool doon in Englandshire and daen ma 'A' livils, one of ma History teechur's wiys o' gettin us interested in Victorian political history wis tae divide the class up intae supporters o' Disraeli and Gladstone. I wis picked for the Gladstone outfit.

I mind especially the Disraeli team (who had local advantage as his hame wis just up the road) takkin the michael oot o' Gladstone for his peculiar past-time o' cuttin' doon trees.

It amused me then, that on the evening of the election, the Beeb reported as follows:

How are the leaders whiling away these nervous hours? Well, according to the Press Association, Gordon and Sarah Brown had lamb stew for dinner before the prime minister went off for a nap at about 8.30pm. David Cameron, meanwhile, spent two hours chopping logs.

I bleetered at the time on Bookface that yon wis affa Gladstonesque of DC.

Eftir 'at, I have been telt that DC is a passionate follower o' Disraeli. So just far dis he stand, considering that he has also quoted Gladsone viz:

In fact, it was perhaps the most famous liberal politician in British history, William Gladstone, who best summed up what I believe a government should do. ‘It is the duty of government to make it difficult for people to do wrong, easy to do right.’

Perhaps then, it is of nae great surprise that he has found it easy to get into bed with Clegg.

Jist fit a' this means for us poor souls north o' the border is anyone's guess, but as far as the criminal fraternity are concerned I hope there are CHANGES that scunner the ne'er do wells.

p.s.

DC in his formative yoof also idolised Thatcher. Nobody's perfect!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

There's more....

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Simples

I have officially overdosed on re-runs of the massacre at the Bridge and am now able to post my delight!

103 goals this season - record,
71 goals difference - record,
Didier Drogba - Golden Boot,
Peter Cech - Golden Glove,

....... but what really matters......














Now for the double.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

There's something missing....

"Abidy run there's a Clegg aboot!"

Ha'en a wee chuckle at the Timmy boys tryin' to do doon the LibDems noo 'at yon fit dee you call him is up in the ratings.

Apparently abidy's ogling Sky tonight and some mass debate o'er Bristols, or did I pick that up wrong?

Only problem is that something is missing for us o'er the borders of Englandshire and to many of us left on the enforced sidelines again, it will not be forgotten.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Guess who's a happy easter bunny?

Cracking!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Où sont vos chapeaux?

Not wishing to make light of the passing of a colleague, but I have a feeling I know what some SMT types would have reacted to first on seeing this report and pic.

Repose en paix.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

An offensive weapon.

Dick!

Do I really need to say anything else?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Getting Shirty

Diversity issue or good old fashioned teasing?

Anyone on the end of constant references to 1966 will be all too happy to see these items sell like hot cakes now!

Jimmy Hill you are a..... ooops can't sing that any more either, but then WE won't even be there, so who has the last laugh?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Toilet humour

I do believe that despite protests elsewhere, Auntie Beeb is plumbing even newer depths in toilet humour, though I do find Hacker somewhat fetching in his silver number.

© Bumpy Dog
Published by Toy Town™ Times

That figures

Fit Like?

Many changes here in Toy Town™ and the pic is a wee clue.

I will get back to blogging proper soonest, but this article requires immediate comment.

Far be it from me to suggest the disingenuous scaremongering that the Tories might have engendered by suggesting crime was rife under our present leadership, but isn't that a wee bit more worrying than to have the audacity to suggest statisticians might have their wondrous figures questioned, and I quote.......

"I must take issue with what you (Shadow home secretary Chris Grayling) said yesterday about violent crime statistics, which seems to me likely to damage public trust in official statistics." - Sir Michael Scholar's letter to the Conservatives.

Get real!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Too cold to go out

Here in Toyland™, we have been under a constant white carpet and sub zero temperatures for nigh on three weeks now, with no end in sight.

All the skools are closed, chaos and starvation is upon us, but funnily enough I've always managed to get to Toy Town™ to serve the public.

Today, the collective neighbourhood were out shovelling the street for hours on end to get us all moving and it worked.

What is it about today's Teechurs and our precious urchins that they cannot get to skool these days? Two weeks off not enough?

... and where were the kids today? Sledging of course.

It was just as well Mr Elfin Safety couldn't see them. He'd stop that too.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times