Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bottoms Up.


Some time ago, well actually over three years ago, I posted this.

It was my turn recently to reach the wrong side of the half-century.

I was the lucky recipient of a new all singing and dancing laptop (had to be very careful not to spoonerise that one) since my desktop has been upgraded to the max after it was bought in 2000. I also received a fair few bottles of uisge-beatha. I am amazed how folk know what to buy me!

Whilst out for a meal to commiserate with friends (I hired a telephone kiosk), I was advised by one of the assembled crumblies that I was to wait with trepidation for a wee parcel from the Health Board now that I was officially reognised as old and decrepit and apparently therefore a coffin dodger. I was given the heads up in respect of the fact that I would receive a poop collection kit for my good self to send a sample off to check my bowels, colon and other unmentionables were not suddenly collapsing or riddled with some awful disease now that I had reached THAT age.

Now let me assure you that reaching ....... it's still hard to say it...... 'L' will do ...... is painful enough without indeed receiving said kit a mere 3 days after my birthday. Can't they give us a period of grace?

Just to show how grateful I am, I will wait till my effluent is at its most pungent and then despatch it to those who have a really good jobbie! That'll learn 'em.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Freeloading


What with all sorts getting their media free of charge lately I thought I'd be of public service.

Don't know if you've discovered SPOTIFY.

Try it and see why I'm hooked.

If you want to lug in to the sharn I listen to you can click here once you have the software downloaded.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Priorities


200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

New Charity


I need £300 sharpish.


Any donors out there?

Goodwinner and McNumpty, you have some spare cash I believe.

p.s. I cautioned myself against references to a nip as this might have been considered non-diverse.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Branded.


Those of you who make it to the bottom of my front page (so that would be no-one - ed.) will see that I post a link to the ever wonderful Being 5 comic strip.

Those of you old enough to appreciate the targeted wit involved in this treatise on the generation gap will also grasp the reference to one of Alf Garnett's catchphrases I have utilised as the post header.

The latest strip rightly deserves a top billing.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Porridge and Pron


Times are hard for the residents within the establishments of the SPS.

It seems the incarcerated are to have their individual rights subordinated to the greater rights of the possibly offended.

It will be interesting to see if hard core pron will now make it onto the list of contraband regularly smuggled into pokey.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Revenue streams?


Despite the instructions in my previous post on hyperbole, here is a fine example of partnership working in Toyland™.

In visionary mode I would happily, for two grand, construct a cludgie in my backie, thus pooling resources and capacity building.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, March 20, 2009

Predictable


This was inevitable!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

To be serious for a moment


Occasionally I post about matters relating to autism.

Occasionally I come across a genuinely well written, sober, thought provoking article.

This article speaks for itself, which is more than can be said for Sky.

For more on this read here.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Burns Night in Buckie


Locals would hardly describe Buckie as a hot spot, but one local hostelry is doing its level best to offer customers a little extra.

I particularly liked the locals name for the establishment. Hardly inspiring. Perhaps the landlord would be better off dimming the lights completely.

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's a Shame I work in Toytown, because.....

......Toyland, far I bide, has topped the list of rural places with the best quality of life in Scotland – for the second year running.

And in the whole of the UK, Toyland also comes in second place.

With a high life expectancy, low unemployment rates and great weather*, Toyland shot to the top of the quality of life rankings.

And Toyland residents agree with the Bank of Scotland survey which looks at all aspects of life from traffic flow to crime statistics.

Lynda Forrest, from Banchory’s sweet and ice-cream shop Continental Cream, was born and brought up in the area – and loves it!

The 49-year-old, who lives in Crathes, said: “Living in the countryside is relaxing with a great quality of life. It is a great place for work and leisure The only drawback is that with people wanting to live here, it is expensive.”

The Bank of Scotland survey confirmed house prices were high compared to the rest of the country.

The survey also named Toyland as top spot last year.

To celebrate, the Evening Express handed out Smile, You’re In Toyland stickers.

The campaign was backed by Donald Trump who chose Balmedie for his new world-class golf resort.

The only place that beat Toyland in the quality of life ratings in the whole of the UK was Monmouthshire in Wales.

Must be something to do with the sheep.



* - great weather? I beg to disagree!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hyperbole


In a joined up, multi-agency, partnership approach, I speculate as to whether my own employers will be visionary enough to take on board this initiative.

Spotting these could be the basis of a new game to amuse yourself at any face-to-face engagements with our stakeholders or at team empowerment meetings.

Shouldn't be difficult as it is a long list of all-encompassing hyperbollox. Do feel free to add any other gems you have to deal with in your own particular sphere of employment and do cascade this piece of information through your own partnerships and networks.

Do you recognise any of these at your workplace?

(Comments always welcomed).

Across-the-piece
Actioned
Advocate
Agencies
Ambassador
Area based
Area focused
Autonomous
Baseline
Beacon
Benchmarking
Best Practice
Blue sky thinking
Bottom-Up
CAAs
Can do culture
Capabilities
Capacity
Capacity building
Cascading
Cautiously welcome
Challenge
Champion
Citizen empowerment
Client
Cohesive communities
Cohesiveness
Collaboration
Commissioning
Community engagement
Compact
Conditionality
Consensual
Contestability
Contextual
Core developments
Core Message
Core principles
Core Value
Coterminosity
Coterminous
Cross-cutting
Cross-fertilisation
Customer
Democratic legitimacy
Democratic mandate
Dialogue
Direction of travel
Distorts spending priorities
Double devolution
Downstream
Early Win
Edge-fit
Embedded
Empowerment
Enabler
Engagement
Engaging users
Enhance
Evidence Base
Exemplar
External challenge
Facilitate
Fast-Track
Flex
Flexibilities and Freedoms
Framework
Fulcrum
Functionality
Funding streams
Gateway review
Going forward
Good practice
Governance
Guidelines
Holistic
Holistic governance
Horizon scanning
Improvement levers
Incentivising
Income streams
Indicators
Initiative
Innovative capacity
Inspectorates
Interdepartmental
Interface
Iteration
Joined up
Joint working
LAAs
Level playing field
Lever
Leverage
Localities
Lowlights
MAAs
Mainstreaming
Management capacity
Meaningful consultation
Meaningful dialogue
Mechanisms
Menu of Options
Multi-agency
Multidisciplinary
Municipalities
Network model
Normalising
Outcomes
Output
Outsourced
Overarching
Paradigm
Parameter
Participatory
Partnership working
Partnerships
Pathfinder
Peer challenge
Performance Network
Place shaping
Pooled budgets
Pooled resources
Pooled risk
Populace
Potentialities
Practitioners
Predictors of Beaconicity
Preventative services
Prioritization
Priority
Proactive
Process driven
Procure
Procurement
Promulgate
Proportionality
Protocol
Provider vehicles
Quantum
Quick hit
Quick win
Rationalisation
Rebaselining
Reconfigured
Resource allocation
Revenue Streams
Risk based
Robust
Scaled-back
Scoping
Sector wise
Seedbed
Self-aggrandizement
Service users
Shared priority
Shell developments
Signpost
Single conversations
Single point of contact
Situational
Slippage
Social contracts
Social exclusion
Spatial
Stakeholder
Step change
Strategic
Strategic priorities
Streamlined
Sub-regional
Subsidiarity
Sustainable
Sustainable communities
Symposium
Synergies
Systematics
Taxonomy
Tested for Soundness
Thematic
Thinking outside of the box
Third sector
Toolkit
Top-down
Trajectory
Tranche
Transactional
Transformational
Transparency
Upstream
Upward trend
Utilise
Value-added
Vision
Visionary
Welcome
Wellbeing
Worklessness

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Please sign this


Please sign this.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A quick post


My thoughts are with the PSNI and their kith and kin just now after the latest atrocity across the water.

Keep safe guys and girls.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times