Lost in Translation - Pairt Twa

There I wis loupin aboot on my 7am shift a' day on Friday. Ahbudee wis chavvin awa gi'en 'at ers naebidy an till the next yokin time at 5pm.

Weel, yiv jist ken 'at there's aywiz gonna be a shout 'at will keep you ower your lousin time an' sure enough 'ats fit happind.

"Noddy, fit like loon" asks the controller. "Wid ye mind affie bit there's a bittie of a stooshie doon at Sainsburys. Ging doon and see if yiv can sort oot twa Eastern Europeans, a mannie an' a wifie, 'at hae taen a barra foo o' shoppin wi oot payin'."

Hearin 'is a ma freens are on the radio pint ta pintin' me and offering virtual bosies an' bein' nickum. Weel their lugs were fair derlin fae ma responses.

Aff we ging doon the shoppie an' huckle the twa using oor best Doric twang tae scunner them fan, as usual, they baith assure us they cannae spik English.

They wis baith rigget oot in cheap black leather jackets. They must issue 'em at birth o'er there.

The quine began to greet and say it wis a' a mistake. Aye, aye.

Onywiy, we get them back to the stashun an' en stairt trying to get an interpreter. Fit a' stooshie wi had. Div you ken far the nearest bides? Weel losh bihere.... Galashiels. That's nearly in Sassenach Land. Could they kindly come up and assist. Nae chance. We were dumfoonert. Fit tae dae noo then?

Tae cut a lang blether short, we muddled through wi' Language Line an' eventually finished up.... at midnight. Seventeen 'oors, coont 'em. I needed tae get hame and don my baffies. We were baith fair forfechan and ready to hae a buckit. Yiv ken 'at wis a sair chaave!

Aye min, Boysie fair picked a guid day tae be aff.

p.s. You'll be glad to know I speak English. I learnt it from a book!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times