Lovesick

I hate to bring this up, but this story takes some beating....

The local evening paper reports that a husband who tipped a basin of vomit over his wife's head has been admonished. (i.e. the Court held back from giving it to him full force)

Aberdeen Sheriff Court heard that after the "foul and disgusting" assault, James Russell declared his love for his wife Amanda. (It's enough to make you puke)

He told police: "I love her to bits." (e.g. carrots, tomato skins.....)

The couple were estranged at the time of the incident and, despite reconciliation, are now ex-partners. (i.e. they've chucked each other)

The attack happened on May 27 last year at his ex's home. When Russell later admitted the offence the court heard that the couple had been out socialising the night before the incident. But when Russell, 40, turned up at the house the following morning an argument broke out. Mrs Russell had been very drunk, according to his defence, and had created the vomit herself. (talented lass that one)

Russell immediately regretted pouring the vomit over her. (Probably got some on his own clothes)

The case was deferred for six months and he was told that if he behaved himself he would have nothing to worry about. (Mrs Russell was less happy as she wondered what he might do for Round No.2. Apparently she has been creatively pooping herself at the thought)

Sheriff Kenneth Stewart said he would normally have imposed a fine, but that would have affected Russell's three children of whom he has custody. (Brings a lump to your throat)

Finally, I hate to regurgitate a point made earlier, but I have it on good authority that Mrs Russell had a few lumps on her head.........

Official Disclaimer: Domestic Abuse is never a joke.

p.s. Feel free to spew forth some comments.