Monday, February 27, 2006

Just a thought - Annoying words

It must be the sheer boredom of stripping the bathroom wallpaper to replace bits where various teenagers have been sick, fallen against the wall with belts that look more like weapons and generally paid little respect to the fact that it is ONLY bleeding PAPER, that got me thinking of words that have crept into the modern way of speaking without any recourse to grammar or indeed in most cases common sense. Some are affectations, some are downright posy, some vastly overused, some clearly daft and others are just Bosspeak.

I will highlight a few, please let me know what 'words' annoy or bemuse you.


  1. Actually - e.g. it's actually got a diesel engine.
  2. Like - e.g. I like went shopping.
  3. Focus - I was needing to focus on my future intentions
  4. Partnership - e.g. working in partnership. i.e. we've had a few meetings and achieved sfa, but it'll look good if we plaster ads everywhere saying we are working in partnership with some other body or organisation.
  5. Networking - aaaaargh! As above, but just more linked partnerships achieving a lot less than imagined due to organisations being just that; organised i.e. to suit their own needs.
  6. Accident - e.g. "It was just an accident that the glass of water fell whilst on top of the TV and frazzled the electrics. No - an accident is something you have no responsibility for or control over its occurence. For once my bosses have got it right when they now call Road Traffic Accidents (as they were referred to for far too long) as Road Traffic Collisions. ie. someone is to blame!!
Come on you must have some daisies......

Friday, February 24, 2006

Birthday Over

Well that's another birthday done & dusted. Spent yesterday buying things for the youngest loon and the Mrs! But I did get a nice bottle of Highland Park from the bruv.

You dirty dog Messi !

From www.chelseafc.com

Reaction: Mourinho asks the questions


Wednesday, Feb 22, 2006

Though disgruntled and disappointed with the red card handed out to Asier Del Horno, José Mourinho vowed to go to the Camp Nou in two weeks’ time with a positive attitude.

“I am proud of my players, proud of the support of the fans and prefer to go to Barcelona in a positive frame of mind.”

Mourinho refused to be drawn into an attack on the referee fearing a repeat of last year’s UEFA actions against him.

“Was it a red card? You saw it — you report it. If I say I can be suspended.

“What changed everything was the fact we were playing 10 v 11 when we should not have been. It means you cannot play a pressing game, cannot double up on the wing, cannot defend deep. You are struggling basically.”

Mourinho then reflected on Michael Essien’s suspension for both Barcelona games, the midfielder’s yellow card being upgraded to a red after extensive TV coverage provoked unprecedented action from UEFA.

“Essien was suspended for a yellow card. Del Horno has a red card. Can we revoke it?” he mused. “Can we get Messi suspended for play-acting? It would not change the result.

“Answer me this,” he continued, posing hypothetical situations. “Is it worth us going to Barcelona because if it is not, I will send my B team and leave my main players to concentrate on the League and FA Cup.”

Barcelona manager, Frank Rijkaard, saw the victory over Chelsea as “a great first step on the road to qualification for the next round. Barcelona can eliminate Chelsea but we have to work hard to achieve it.”


Lest Rijkaard has forgotten, Didier Drogba’s sending-off in the corresponding fixture last season inspired the Blues to overcome his side and progress to the next round. Could the injustice over Asier Del Horno have the same result?

Here's what Sky had to say:

Barcelona came from a goal down against ten-man Chelsea to earn a 2-1 victory at Stamford Bridge in another controversial UEFA Champions League meeting between the two sides.

The main talking point this time came in the 37th minute when Asier Del Horno was strangely sent off after clashing with Lionel Messi in a decision that was amazingly harsh to say the very least.

and the Beeb:

The game exploded on 36 minutes when Del Horno received his red card. Messi escaped the attentions of Arjen Robben, but was halted by a clumsy challenge by the Chelsea defender. The Argentine appeared to take a look at referee Terje Hauge before rolling around theatrically - and when a melee involving players from both sides had dispersed, Del Horno was sent off.

and my personal favourite from the Sun:

LIONEL BLARE ... Del Horno clatters Messi to earn a red card

By MARK IRWIN

JOSE MOURINHO has branded Barcelona star Lionel Messi a ‘cheat’. And he also threatened to send his reserves to the Nou Camp for the Champions League return. Chelsea chief Mourinho called for Messi to be banned after he accused the Argentine of conning Norwegian ref Terje Hauge into giving a red card to Asier Del Horno for a 37th-minute foul. The Blues boss said: “Is it even worth going to Barcelona for the second leg? “If it is not I will send my B team to the Nou Camp and keep my main players here to concentrate on the Premiership and FA Cup. “How do you say cheating in Catalan? Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres and this boy has learned very well. He’s learned play-acting. “The kid jumps and provokes contact with Del Horno and because of that the referee gives a red card. “It was not a red card. But is TV going to show the incident 200 times a week and try to persuade UEFA to replay the game? “Michael Essien was given a yellow card against Liverpool but that was correctly changed after the game and he was given a ban. But that did not change the result. “Del Horno has been given a red card and because of that it was not a game for the final 55 minutes. Can we have the red card revoked? Can we get Messi suspended for play-acting? I don’t know. “I don’t want to say too much because then I will be suspended. But I am very proud of my team.” Messi insisted he had not a made a meal of the challenge. He said: “I don’t really know what happened.” Barcelona coach Frank Rijkaard added: “Messi is not a play-actor. He gets kicked all over the place and doesn’t make anything much of it.” Samuel Eto’o headed the winner with 10 minutes left to put the Spaniards in control of the last-16 tie after own goals by Thiago Motta and Chelsea skipper John Terry.

And if you think I was upset - click on this link.

And finally - read this baloney from the drug fuelled eejit who's most famous for the 'Hand of God' incident and can hardly be described as the best character referee (oh how I hate that last word!).

Maradona hails Messi as successor

Barcelona's Lionel Messi
Messi is tipped as the next Argentina legend
Argentina legend Diego Maradona has hailed Barcelona's Lionel Messi as his natural successor after his Champions League display against Chelsea.

He said: "I have seen the player who will inherit my place in Argentinian football and his name is Messi.

"Messi is beautiful to watch - my kind of player in our blue and white jersey.

"He's a leader and is offering classes in beautiful football. He has something different to any other player in the world," added Maradona

And the former World Cup-winning captain said: "Messi is the best player in the world, along with Ronaldinho. I see him as very similar to me."

Former Barcelona player and coach Johan Cruyff said Messi "is the reason why Barcelona are a better team this season. The boy can conquer the whole stage".

Last June Messi was the inspiration behind Argentina's under-20 World Cup win. He was named player of the tournament in Holland and was also the leading goalscorer.

And such has been his impact that Argentina boss Jose Pekerman is under mounting pressure to take him to this summer's World Cup in Germany.

Monday, February 20, 2006

A Bug's Life

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END.

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

So far, so good, eh?

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table laden with food.

The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving Babies Party, the Single Lesbian One Eyed Mother’s Party and the Coalition Against Poverty, demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC,interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from Grimsby with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."

Ken Livingstone laments, in an interview with Panorama, that the ant has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to Hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council. The ant moves to France, and starts a successful AgriBiz company [funded by the EU] (although within weeks, his business is threatened with compulsory purchase by the state unless he marries a French ant).

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost GB£ 10,000,000.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana growing operation and terrorise the community.

THE END

Birthday time

As yet another birthday looms and the big 50 gets closer - I was amused to find this treasure in the Beeb's news archives. Worth a read just for the pc nonsense alone.

Monday, 22 November, 1999, 09:05 GMT
Happy 50th birthday Noddy
Noddy appearing in a BBC promotional video

He still looks as bright as a button with his trademark cheeky smile - so it is hard to believe Noddy is celebrating his 50th birthday.

Despite his age, Enid Blyton's mischievous little boy, and his aurally-overendowed sidekick Big Ears, is as popular as ever.

Four million Noddy books are sold worldwide every year.

After undergoing several anti-racist, anti-sexist and anti-elitist makeovers Noddy, shorn of the beastly Golliwogs, is as politically correct as they come.

Noddy nostalgia
24 books published since 1949
More than 200 million copies sold worldwide
Noddy merchandising worth £50m
Books translated in to more than 20 languages
Noddy in children's top ten in Japan
It was in 1949 that Enid Blyton first thought up the characters which were to transform her into the 20th century's most successful children's writer.

The original watercolour drawings of Noddy and Big Ears were sent to her for approval by Dutch illustrator Harmsen Van der Beek, and she snapped them up.

It was these images which helped to launch the cheeky little boy and his friends into the world to charm millions with the first book, Noddy Goes To Toyland.

Mr Van Der Beek died suddenly in 1953 after confessing to his publisher sometimes all he could see were little Noddies crawling over his desk.

Enid Blyton died in 1968.

Golliwogs given marching orders

But more than 200 million books in 27 languages and countless TV episodes later, Noddy is still a firm favourite.

He is known as Oui Oui in France, Doddi in Iceland, Purzelknirps in Germany and Hilitos in Spain.

But Noddy's fairy-tale life has been far from trouble-free.

His co-stars, the black-skinned Golliwogs of Golly Town were given their marching orders amid complaints of racist overtones. They were Toytown's criminal element who once stole Noddy's prized car.

To counter criticisms of sexism in their animated series, the BBC introduced a character called Dinah Doll to Toytown in 1992 who was described as a "black, assertive, ethnic minority female".

'Middle-class snob'

Noddy was also branded a middle-class snob, prompting book and television rewrites to make him more "normal".

Now, in what purists may consider the worst slight of all, Noddy is even being transplanted to the US and given a gang of new American friends.

A £5m animated series of Noddy's adventures was shown to great acclaim on US television last year.

Noddy spoke with an American accent, Mr Plod the policeman became Officer Plod, and, so as not to offend the aurally challenged, Big Ears was called Whitebeard.

Pleasing every sensitivity is often difficult.

When the Golliwogs became goblins in 1989, protests were received from Scandinavian countries who believed their trolls were being insulted.

Noddy's popularity remains as strong as ever, according to Enid Blyton Ltd, the company responsible for continued global popularity.

Friends star Lisa Kudrow counts herself as a fan
Among Noddy's British fans are All Saints singer Nicole Appleton, TV star Jonathan Ross - who once got himself a spin in Noddy's famous yellow car - and pop stars Ronan Keating and Simon le Bon.

According to Enid Blyton Ltd, the latest grown-up recruits to the Noddy fan club also include actor Jack Nicholson and Friends start Lisa Kudrow, who clamoured to have their picture taken with him at the Aids Paediatric event in New York in June.

Another highlight of this year was when Noddy, dressed as always in his jingly blue hat, was asked to ring the famous bell at the New York Stock Exchange to signal the start of the day's trading on Wall Street.

A generation of baby boomers has grown up with Noddy - but as he notches up his half century, you can be certain he will enter the millennium ready to reach a new army of fans.

Cole'd chester

Boro in the next round please

Revenge is sweet!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Olympics anyone?

View an Italian made short on the Olympics here

No Trophies at the Theatre of Dreaming

Liverpool 1-0 Man Utd



Liverpool recorded their first FA Cup win over Manchester United in 85 years with an impressive Anfield victory. Crouch scored his first goal in nine games and headed home Steve Finnan's cross after 19 minutes to give Rafael Benitez's side a deserved place in the quarter-finals. What with Smudgers leg break as well........for my nephew, Cammie, it's going to be a long wait to next season to get a chance to pursue silverware again, although I suppose they might just beat Wigan and get their hands on the Carling/Milk/Coca Cola/Joe's Greasy Spoon Cafe/League Cup. Watch this space.

26/02/2006 - well it looks like there will be some silverware at Old Trafford after all. Well done!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Remember this face


Police have named and released a photograph of a man they want to trace in connection with the shooting of PC Rachael Bown.

Trevon Kyron Thomas, 24, from Bilborough, Nottingham, is wanted for the shooting of the Pc as she investigated a burglary in the city.

Det Ch Insp Dave Giles of Nottinghamshire Police urged members of the public not to approach Mr Thomas.

He is black, slim, has one or more gold teeth and a Caribbean accent.

The injured policewoman is said to be recovering well after a second operation to treat a gunshot wound.

A Near Miss?

09:39, Tue Jan 31

Disaster seemed certain when a photographer captured these planes apparently on course to collide over east London.

To onlookers on the ground, the aircraft looked dangerously close.

Part of why we're not on the Street

Stats from Strathclyde - I don't suppose anywhere else is any different. Read the full article here.

Complaints 2001 to 2005
  • 5,190 complaints
  • 111,708 hours of investigation
  • 35 court cases
  • Three prosecutions
  • 74% unsubstantiated or no proceedings
  • No public prosecutions i.e. no-one nicked for wasting our bleedin' time!

Car thief can keep Rangers date

Ibrox
Rangers play Villarreal in Spain on 7 March
A teenage car thief has had his sentence delayed to allow him to watch Rangers play in Europe.

Alexander McLeod, 17, from the Drumoyne area of Glasgow, admitted taking a car and driving without a licence. Sentence was initially deferred until 8 March.

But his lawyer returned to Glasgow Sheriff Court after McLeod's mother informed him that her son was due to be in Spain after watching Rangers.

The case was adjourned until after he returns from the Villarreal match.

Sheriff John Newall agreed after McLeod's lawyer said his client had already booked up for what could be the Ibrox club's last "competitive" game for some time.

My thoughts are:
  1. He should be sentenced to watch all the rest of the season's worthless games too!
  2. Was Mr Findlay representing him?
  3. Nice to see the justiciary are being tough on crime and criminals - wouldn't want to inconvenience the poor loon would we - not like presumably he did to the car owner.
  4. Nice to see that his ma still looks after him though!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Boro to conquer Europe?

The grinning eejit must be beside himself tonight.
2 wins in a row and against the finest Europe can throw at them.
Will Boro's bubble burst?

p.s. As of 17/02/2006, the grinning eejit has started a blog too -
To which I say, "You only blog when you're winning, blog when your winning." etc. etc. - which cannot be seen here probably because it's masked by the industrial smog !!!! And it's not just me who says so......

The Best and Worst Places - Middlesbrough

Situated on the south bank of the Tees, Middlesbrough is at the edge of the North York Moors National Park, and a short drive from both the Yorkshire Dales and the North Sea.

So, the surrounding countryside has much to recommend it. The town itself, however, is one of stark contrasts. A local Premiership football team means that there is money in the area, with bars, restaurants and clubs to cater for it. However, there are also 800 empty terraced houses in the town centre, and certain areas are notorious – such as Whinney Banks, which sometimes seems to have more houses boarded-up than occupied.

Like much of the North East, long-term unemployment is high. It’s rare to be earning anything approaching the national average wage, and any employment tends to be factory work. In fact, not for nothing are Middlesbrough’s inhabitants known disparagingly as “Smog Monsters” – a history of heavy industry, along with a chemical works that pumps out a terrible smell, means that this is not the town for those with sensitive noses.

Given the poverty in the area, few people own a car. In fact, more people catch the bus here than in any other part of the country.

It’s not all bad news, though. The Tees estuary has extensive sandy beaches and a colony of breeding seals, and is a migration route for thousands of salmon and sea trout every year.

So you can escape to wide open spaces relatively easily – just ask Captain Cook, the eighteenth-century explorer and circumnavigator of the globe, who was born in Marton, now on the outskirts of the town.

Good:

* Sports fans are well catered for, with a Premier League football team, rugby and cricket grounds and an athletics stadium.
* Nine council-run leisure centres mean it’s easy to get fit and healthy.
* It’s home to the region’s biggest multi-cultural event - The Middlesbrough Mela – and a new £19.2 million modern art gallery is being built.

Bad:

* The town’s main employer is a chemical factory. The place stinks.
* Widespread unemployment and poverty, with accompanying social problems.
* Birthplace of Roy “Chubby” Brown and Paul Daniels.

Famous for:

* Home of legendary explorer, Captain James Cook. Who clearly couldn’t wait to leave.

Infamous for:

* The Smog.
* “Middlesbrough is very bad. It is not a very nice town and there are a lot of factories.” – Szilard Nemeth, Middlesbrough FC striker, endears himself to the fans.


A wise Newcastle United fan prepares himself for an evening in the smog at Middlesbrough

Not so Good News

PC Rachael Bown, who was shot in the stomach while investigating a burglary in Nottingham, has gone back into surgery after her condition worsened.

Our thoughts remain with you and yours.

Council Tax Banding

I recently added a conservatory to my 3 bed semi and have received a notice from the Cooncil advising me that my banding has gone up. It will only have effect should I decide to sell the place.

My thoughts are:

  1. Since when does a conservatory being added mean that I will use more Cooncil provided services?
  2. Why would I want to improve my present dwelling if I get clobbered by the back door when I do. Does the Cooncil want us to live in dilapidating shacks or do they get a backhander when we buy new?
Mac from the Mail also observed pointedly as follows:

Gov't snoopers will soon prowl around people's homes looking for improvements so that they can increase council tax.

Mac Cartoon

"So. Recent improvements include new doormat, new washbasin plug and.....
Hello, what's this? A lovely view of the sea."

Scotland - is that an underground station?

Today's Scottish Daily Mail ran a belter regarding call centres.

Man calls Network Rail to enquire about journey to Scotland and sleeper availability.

Problems encountered were:
  1. Call centre employee in Mumbai didn't know where Scotland was. Passed call to Supervisor.
  2. The Supervisor, equally stumped, uttered the phrase as per post header.
  3. Supervisor asked what was wrong with caller's own slippers.
It will come as no surprise that the caller flew to Scotland!!

n.b. link has effing and blinding. Should guarantee folk go CLICK then!

After this week's events... this happens !!!!

By VERONICE LARCOMBE
The Sun Newspaper


HERO cop Stephen Oake, murdered as he tried to protect comrades from a knife-wielding terrorist, will NOT be honoured with a posthumous bravery award.

The Home Office has questioned whether his courage was “greater than the call of duty requires”.

And it rejected pleas for an honour from DC Oake’s bosses because his action in taking on al-Qaeda maniac Kamel Bourgass was spontaneous, not calculated.

The decision left the Special Branch detective’s colleagues disgusted last night.

DC Oake, a 40-year-old dad of three, died in 2003 during a police raid on a flat in Crumpsall, Manchester.

Bourgass — wanted as the mastermind of an al-Qaeda poison plot — was there.

Kamel Bourgass

Maniac ... Kamel Bourgass

And he lashed out with a knife when he realised he was just about to be recognised.

Despite being stabbed eight times, DC Oake refused to let go of the terrorist until other officers had overpowered him.

At the time of the killing, the Government heaped praise on him and Tony Blair attended his funeral.

Greater Manchester Police later proposed DC Oake should receive the George Cross, the highest civilian award for bravery, or the George Medal.

But he has now been rejected for ANY honour.

Paul Kelly, chairman of Greater Manchester Police, said: “If, as I believe, the Prime Minister is aware of this decision and concurs with it, then he has let down Stephen, his family, my colleagues and every law enforcement officer in the country.”

Bourgass is serving life for murder. He also got a 17-year stretch for plotting to manufacture poisons and explosives.


Good News

Rachael Bown, the 23-year-old police officer who was shot in the early hours of Tuesday morning, has been awake and speaking to her family. Whilst she is clearly still in a serious condition, she is young and strong and the signs are very encouraging.

We have had messages of support from all over the country. Many of those e-mails and phone calls express shock and dismay, and all convey heartfelt wishes for Rachael’s speedy recovery. We are very touched by these messages which have reminded us just how much ordinary people really do care when police officers are attacked in this way. We have also been overwhelmed with flowers which have been sent to the hospital or the scene or to the nearest police station. It’s very moving that people feel so strongly about this.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Not again

Policewoman, 23, shot in burglary







Rachael Bown is in a "serious" condition

I only want to register the fact that my thoughts are with my colleague and her family and friends. I've plenty I would like to say on the matters raised in the linked Beeb article, but they can wait.

15/02/2006 n.b. Like my bruv's comments, I'm glad to see Rachael's condition is improving

Boro Boro

As I previously hinted, the grinning eejit to the left (the one without hair!) would be gloating and he has generated a deluge of mail from fellow Blues supporters. I have attached below 'the gormless one's' initial comment on the win and it's first response. Feel free to add any comment!!!

CHAMPIONS !

>>> "Les" 12/02/06 22:13 >>>
Sorry boys can´t resist a bit of a gloat, were you Sunderland in disguise? If you are the top team in Europe, well where are we. I´m going to wallow in this glory for a while.......

ps can we play you every week !!!!!!!!!!


In a message dated 13/02/2006 14:32:44 GMT Standard Time, spoppleton wrote:

And another thing: One swallow does not make a summer !
And Boro is still a Sh*t Tip !
Up the back to back Champions !








Monday, February 13, 2006

Mr Plod has his say



I feel duty bound to link to the home of Noddy and alter ego - Mr Plod. I have included some of my colleagues sites on the side bar.

Reading them, I wonder who is policing the real Toytown!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

It has been a bad weekend

First there's the dreadful loss against Boro.

Second there's the Taff's getting the better of our 14 man rugger team and,

Third I've been working earlies!

Still, there's always one bit of good news ...... ha ha

I know one ex-milkman who'll be happy though, what with Boro's win. He'll be sitting drinking his Sangria and toasting my good health in the Fisherman's Inn, his bar in Tenerife.


Friday, February 10, 2006

Dunfermline and West Fife by-election

Here are two observations. I'd love to make comment but.....

The BBC Website
The Tories were in 4th place, despite campaigning support from new leader David Cameron.
Alex Salmond, SNP Leader
The result may offer short-term relief for the Liberals, but they ran a shameless anti-government campaign even though they are part of the government in Scotland.

European Silverware

My bruv wanted to let me know that CFC had no chance of winning the Champions League. What with Aberdeen FC's incredible win over the Huns on Wednesday, he has lost his marbles and went on to advise me that CFC had not won anything in Europe lately and certainly not since the Dons magnificent win in Gothenburg in 1983.

Wrong again loon.

Chelsea FC 1-0 VfB Stuttgart
UEFA Cup Winners' Cup Final • 13 May 1998 - Råsundastadion, Solna

Twenty-seven years after beating Real Madrid CF in Athens,
Chelsea FC won the trophy for the second time, beating VfB Stuttgart by a solitary goal in Stockholm.

I might also add, just like the Dons, we went on to win the SuperCup as well.

Click on the link here (or blog header) for full match report

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Chelsea Double?


The Double is on without a doubt, but the Champions League must be our GOAL.