Thursday, March 27, 2008

C'mon if you think you're hard enough

I did suggest a while ago that perhaps the Home Internationals should be resurrected.

I keeked at the snoozetastic game across in Paris, but frankly it was a dreich affair.

After checking out the latest results against 'useful' opposition, I think we Jox may have a good chance!

England v Croatia
Croatia v England

France v England
France v England

Scotland v Croatia

Croatia v Scotland

Scotland v France

France v Scotland

Anything is possible.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Snowy Saturday

Easter? Spring?

Yesterday at work, the howling ice cold gales straight off the Arctic ripped through me like a knife.

Today I woke up to this on my day off. If it stays like this for tomorrow, my eggs won't be rolling anywhere.

Dog seems happy though.

For those of you still out there working, wrap up.

Me I'm back off to my bed with a hot cup of java, imagining what it must be like to be sinking a pint of Guinness over in Singapore.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sex and Games for the Aged

Not having quite reached the landmark half century myself and membership of SAGA, I have this warning for the likes of Dickiebo and the Asda Annihilator.

Once upon a time there were lager louts, now it seems there's Saga Louts.

Brits abroad, you gotta luv 'em.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, March 14, 2008

Toy Town™ - Crime Central

According to the Times this is the new look of Toy Town™ city centre patrols.

I reckon Gazza will be right there with me when I suggest we have both

Mind you, that's me just back after a shift that started at 3pm - yesterday. A double Domestic saw to that!

Sometimes sink estates can be just as much 'fun.'

- the combined experience in our panda was 37 years and I'm not even going to think about the combined age!

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I'm taxed

I am not a happy camper.

Despite him being a Scot, guess who has hit my country's foremost industry again.

This is a dramatic increase and I've yet to see our youth binge drinking malts!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

CC Michael Todd

I was trawling through various websites and came up with this sad news. I was thinking to myself, why would a man of his standing think to climb mountains when the UK is being knowingly battered by storms?

Then news reports expanded a little and we find out this may have been more calculated than I first thought. I don't know the full facts or the pressures upon this man, but it is still a tragedy for all concerned.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Poor weans

Kids are top billing in the news of late. First off there is the completely loopy suggestion from Lord Goldsmith, which will go down really well in Nationalist sectors of the UK. Some folk see it as a good idea. I'm not convinced. Perhaps the kids in Glasgow could all assemble at Celtic Park to take their oath!

Then there's the poor kids being stressed out by homework. Self-discipline anyone?

And finally, I hear the CPS in England & Wales are admitting their failures. Perhaps they should get hold of this whizzkid.

But rest assured me and my mates have already sworn our allegiance to Queen Elizabeth and here's the proof...

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Taking the St. Michael

Maybe this Gstaad regular should read John Steinbeck's novel to really understand 'deep depression.'


Stop Press: Update

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Friday, March 07, 2008

Worthless and Degraded

It has been a wee while since I last posted about the poor hard done-by inmates of SPS establishments.

What hasn't changed is the ridiculous claims of the 'odd' individual every so often.

The poor man wants us to know that the smell emanating from his portapotty leaves him feeling worthless and degraded.

I wonder how this sex offenders victim feels?

When I exercise my custody officer talents I often hear the whines of the incarcerated as they bemoan the thinness of their mattresses or the temperature of the water they are offered to drink etc. The phrase that enters my head is, "Don't come back."

Nuff said.

© Mr Plod

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Every little helps

It has finally been proved that H.M. Government's slavish (sic) devotion to, and compilation of, statistics is rubbish and to whom do local councils turn for help "because Government figures are too unreliable?"


Does that mean they'll be russian to the czech outs then? This Asda be a Lidl bit of a joke. Is this a Safeway to do business?

Sometimes I think the grip on reality at Westminster is poles apart from what you and I can see with our own eyes. It just confirms to me that they are a bunch of neeps (or swedes to my southern cousins).

Stats have always been double dutch and greek to me anyway.

Now, I eagerly await the SMT to try something new today and get their monthly targets from Sainsburys.

It's OK, I've finnished ranting.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Blue Toon

This will have to take a wee bit of explaining to non-locals.

Up in these pairts, Peterhead is kent as the Blue Toon. Abidy kens 'at. Noo, it appears 'at the lassies are being telt tae advertise their non-availability (aye right!) for a lumber by wearing the toon's colours.

This article disnae tell us fit the loons are meant to wear and fit wiy they're nae at risk too. The local cooncillor said the licensing board, far were investigating the collieshangie, should "lighten up." I agree. If you've seen the quines fae up yonder I wid recommend wearing bricht red wi' flashing lichties, min.

Personally, I'd say een aff the wrist wid be safer!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Lamb Lies Down

Sticking to the education theme, this article from the Beeb amused me. Not least because up in these pairts the landward locals have a reputation they'd rather not have amongst certain central-belters.

I wondered if the kids also get to go to the slaughterhouse and see their cuddly little balls of fluff get the chop? Now that's reality.

In Toyland
the sheep are not just sheep, they are educational tools and good friends!

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Magna Cum Laude

blog readability test
Dickiebo posted on this little add on and was a tad miffed he resulted as primary school reading level. We could have told him he was in his second childhood, but that would have been impolite.

Meanwhile, please welcome another old Jobber to the fold as directed to by the Annihilator.

Please God, shoot me when I start to dribble!

© Chill Bill

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Monday, March 03, 2008


I can assure my readers I do not have any helpers expurgating MY Wikipedia page.

However, a certain Sir, masquerading as Big Ears, ain't so laissez-faire.

Well at least he is in good company.

© Noddy

Published by Toy Town™ Times