Pot Noodled

You're nicked has a splendid post on the abuse of the 999 service here. The taped calls are all too familiar to me, having spent 6 years in our Control Room, and I can speak from experience when I say there was many a time I wondered (and worried) about the gene pool! The call regarding the hedgehog is a classic!

Can I ask that if you want to call the Police this festive season, think first and then decide;

1. Is it an emergency? Is someone's health, life or property at immediate risk?
2. Is it worth calling the Police about at this time of year? e.g if you've had a bauble nicked off your fir tree in the garden overnight, what do you expect the Polis to do? (Yes we did get that one recently).
3. What can you do YOURSELF to remedy the situation?
4. Is it the Police that you need to solve your problem?
5. If you go to bed and sleep off the drink will that stop the problem?

Update: Check out what our Ambulance colleagues have to contend with here. And there's even more here too.

Bah Humbug!

Thankfully that's another Xmas period over....don't get me wrong, I like the festive season from a family point of view, but what with working night shift over the festivities, I got to see little cheer. It is amazing how alcohol fuels the eejits out there in MOPland to fall out with each other at this time of year when it is supposed to be goodwill to all men (and women).

A few days off now and I will be home on Hogmanay so I can put my happy face on at last and abuse alcohol wisely enough to just have a hangover to worry about. Unfortunately it will be late shift for me on the 1st and 2nd days of 2007, when no doubt the misuse of alcohol will rear its ugly head again and I will find myself acting as referee in familial and marital disputes over blindingly obviously trivial matters conducted by those whose brain cell is lonely and pickled to the point of complete failure.

My New Years resolution is to keep a balanced view on all this ..... and jail the lot of them!

You have been warned.

Battery Low

Well it's that time of year when you parcel up all the new gizmo's for the weans. iPods are all the craze and Foamy gives a seasonal warning here for all those poor folk who absolutely, like, just must have the kewlest of all mp3 players. Personally, for all the reasons he states, I'd recommend the Sandisk Sansa e280 if you've time to get one, it's cheaper, replacement batteries are available at a tenner and you get video playback to boot!

Having said all that, you can now see Foamy's episodes as Podcasts here.

Merry Christmas from all the Toy Town residents.

Go on, make my day.

I posted earlier about yoof crime and offer this situation for your comment.

"Easy as picking foxes from a tree"

The Beeb reports that research suggests millions of adults in England have reading skills too poor to enable them to belt out many favourites from a karaoke autocue.

The lyrics of the 10 most popular karaoke songs have been assessed and rated by government literacy experts.

Those tackling Robbie Williams' Angels needed the reading skills required to pass five good GCSEs (Level 2).

Experts from the Get On literacy campaign said 17.8 million adults would not be able to follow the song.

Well blow me, wonder how they would get on with the lyrics of Marc Bolan, Slade, Bowie et al that was all the rage in my teenybob years!

Once you go black.......

Decided to give the blog a lick of paint - hope you like the new hue. Foamy ain't so keen apparently.

Lest we forget

What with the 5 murders in Suffolk and all the associated calls for changes in the law in respect of Prostitution, let's not forget that these girls are someone's daughter and in the case of our most recent similar local death, MOTHER. Check out the linked site to get the picture - graphically. She got little in the way of justice as can also be seen here too.

Having worked 'vice' for a good few years, I knew this girl. She was already a 'victim' then. There are no easy answers, but it's the ready availability of heroin and the vulnerability of women that we should concentrate on. That's why we have a 'Management Zone' locally for the 'working girls.' It works reasonably well, but as can be deduced from Susan's death there is still the chance that the evil and unhinged will pollute our darkest streets.

Let's hope the Suffolk Polis get their man quick.

Going all Slushy

I love kids and they love me too!

Isn't it great when they are so damn innocent.

Wingman found

It was only a matter of time before Noddy joined Mr Plod in the ASU.

Big Kids

Channel 4 News report that silly string is the latest tool in the GI's armoury in Iraq and Afghanistan. This isn't news - first appeared back in 2005 - but at least it's seasonally amusing. You can see a video report here.

Unsurprisingly, the novel use of silly string is being ascribed to the ingenuity of American soldiers, but as usual the Brits got there first as can be seen here and it's not unusual that the Americans should claim all the glory again!

Time to add your festive methods and tools to deter the ne'er do wells.

Emergency Services personnel take a break ....

...... courtesy of the Salvation Army at the scene of the Kensal Rise tornado, but if you check out the photo, who is missing?

Where are they? Probably doing some work or filling in forms!

Back to the real world

The F.A. Cup draw has been very kind to the Blues in many ways.

Hot Potato

I'm going to break my own rules, as described in my post Correct Politicalness, to expose a recent complaint received by the Polis to investigate - I just have to. It caused a full blown discussion over our bowls of Cullen Skink and plates of mince n' tatties.

The scenario goes like this:

New family move into a leased flat in a tenement block. Existing tenant of another flat complains to factor (leasing agents) that there is an overpowering smell of curry emanating from the new occupant's flat on a daily basis. Factor calls Police and reports the matter as a Racist incident. Polis are required to investigate as the caller's perception is paramount cf McPherson Report i.e. 'any incident which is perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person'. The caller does not identify the ethnicity of any of the parties involved.

The enquiry reveals that the complaining tenant is a constant complainer, who complains about all and sundry and the new tenant's fondness for eastern delicacies is just another spurious pretext to add to his/her list of complaints about neighbours and was not racially motivated. Indeed the ethnicity of the new occupants wasn't even known to the complaining tenant.

The result:

No further Polis action, but a heap of paperwork, racial incident monitoring forms etc.

It also generated a healthy debate, but was interrupted by the next shout...... however, I won't tell you about that one, other than it didn't reek!

Hobby Bobbies

This is the first email I got after adding a link. It was received with great amusement and some pride!

Sir,

Your blog is superb, for some reason I haven't been checking it as much as I should. Keep up the good work.

Best wishes PTPM
http://www.parttimepolisman.com

Noddy would like to ask, "Do you know something Mr Plod doesn't?"

I have rarely been referred to as 'Sir' before, well not in Polis circles or by the general public barring the occasional new start who, what with the new insignia free black tops, just sees the grey hair, a couple of waiters and the odd wino perhaps.

Seriously though, it made me think that I should start a bunch of links to blogging hobby bobbies 'cos God knows why they turn up on a cold and wet Saturday night to reinforce our thin blue line, but we need you loons and quines.

PTPM - you get the honour of being the first and a good blog too!

p.s. Translation for English speaking readers. Loon = Boy, Quine = Girl in Doric.

Ex Factored

Apparently, although I have no idea what the fuss is about, last night's - what do you call it? - eviction of the BurgerKing Brothers on the XFactor was a National Tragedy.

No, wrong, incorrect, total loss of perspective, trash....

It was a victory for male Scots and the nation's lugholes. Who wants to go on that show and sing the god awful Bay City Rollers "Shang a Lang" ? One bout of shame is enough.

If you want to read about a National Tragedy read this. What, the Scots invented British-ness!

I hope so, then we could ascribe the aforementioned caterwauling to the BRITISH BurgerKing Brothers.

Nordic Nipper Nicked

Reuters reports that Security Guards have caught a three year old boy who was helping his mother - by trying to steal clothes from a shop in the Norwegian capital, Oslo.

The boy was trying to carry a plastic bag out of the store to his mother who was waiting outside in Monday's incident, a police spokeswoman said on Wednesday.

"It was the mother who had filled up the bag and placed it so that the child could go in and pick it up," said Oslo police spokeswoman Unni Groendal.

This got me thinking - can you beat that?

It's all explained now

Sky News reports (and I have annotated accordingly for Patrolling Polis) that Office workers say they get the blues - when they work in an office that is painted blue. (That would be the sky for me then)

Yellow walls and ceilings made staff feel happy, energised and more focused on their work. (That would be a sunny day for me then)

Employees said they felt angrier, and possibly more passionate, if there was more red than any other colour (That would be the blood spilt then), while black made them feel "tougher." (That must be the uniform then)

Grey was described as "dull and uninspiring" (That's the colour of our cells) in the research among dozens of workers by photographic giant Konica Minolta.

"This study shows that it is not just Monday mornings (erm?), the rush hour (I live in Scotland!) or having to work late (aaahhh - the poor things) that can affect the office environment - colour has a huge impact," said Robert Sethre of Konica Minolta.

I have said before that PINK is the way to go!

Exmas

Reuters reports that Political Correctness has hit Spain and the festive season has been cancelled.

Foamy has a view on this here too.

Myanmar has gone too far

I generally avoid going political, 'cos I'm not meant to, but then I didn't get a Masters Degree in International Politics to switch off to what's going on in our little world.

Click on this link to see what has got me rightly worried.

If you asked me who is the person I would most like to meet and for whom I have the greatest respect for on this planet, then it would be Aung San Suu Kyi. Her nation is being torn apart by an evil junta which makes Saddam look like a cuddly benefactor. Now they are kicking out the Red Cross. It really is time to worry about Burma.

If you want to see what's happening take a trip to the Burma Campaign UK and then have a look and weep at the official Myanmar website.

Girls and the Gooners

This is a true story from an Arsenal Season Ticket Holder from last Season and highlights the fact that woman just don't get football.

His season ticket last year was an absolute plum seat half way up the Highbury main stand close to the half-way line. In other words, a TV camera style view.

Anyway, after the first few games of the season it became apparent that despite all the home games being sell-outs, the two seats on his left were always empty. This continued until just after Christmas when all of a sudden a guy and his young son appeared there.

After a few weeks of sitting next to this guy and his son, he decided to ask if the guy knew why the seats had been empty for half the season.

If you are a woman you know the answer!

Heidcams

News this week that the English polis are to trial headcams made me recall my local force's trial with the system.

I can reveal exclusively that I was one of the guinea pigs (sic).

My observations (must stop this punning) were that there were some technical, health & safety and personal issues vis-a-vis the likelihood of complaints against my civility being upheld!

• Technical - If the camera is mounted as per picture and ours were, then the field of view captured is not that seen by the Officer. All too often the subject being viewed was off screen when replayed. The camera needs to be centrally mounted, which brings me to
  
• Health & Safety - Small though the camera was, it could be pushed into my napper, especially if centre mounted, so we would need to wear a protective titfer e.g. cycle helmet or similar. Wearing the kit alone could make you a target.
• Complaints - when patrolling normally, one can be less self-conscious of the methodology used to disperse miscreants. Given your actions are recorded, please remember to use your most civil tongue when asking the drunk/drugged up lout to move along e.g. "Sir, I do appreciate that it might be slightly inconvenient, but would you mind awfully stopping punching and kicking that gentleman and make your way home."

Having said all that the vidz were potentially powerful evidence and indisputable, especially given the fact that a Polisman's word doesn't seem to be trusted in the way that it used to be.

There will be those that bleat that this is surveillance. How can it be if you are on routine patrol and it is no more than an additional set of electronic eyes, ears and memory.

There was the negative side that some of our ASBOtastic youth thought they were on reality TV and auditioned accordingly!

The trial was just that and I have yet to find out why we didn't carry on with it on a routine basis. Personally I thought that, with a little bit of fine tuning, it could have been an optional tool in the fight against street crime... and no I wasn't the Polis spokesperson in the linked article!

Traffic Polis - They never miss a trick!

Reuters report that German traffic police were shocked to see a California Highway Patrol car cruising along the motorway, driven by a man dressed as an authentic American cop, authorities said Thursday. But they recovered sufficiently to book the 35-year-old Goettingen resident, whose uniform badge read "T.J. Lazer," for possessing a replica Smith & Wesson revolver without a licence and having out-of-date registration plates. "He was sitting at the wheel with his elbow on the window like in the best TV crime series," said Osthessen police spokesman Martin Schaefer. "Because wearing such a uniform in public is also prohibited, he had to exchange it for civilian dress after a shopping trip with 'real' colleagues," he added. The man told police he had been taking the 30-year-old vehicle to Bavaria to sell it and wanted to impress the buyer.

Did you spot the really serious misdemeanour?

Having out-of-date registration plates !!!!!!

Sleepless in Strasbourg

When the Working Time Regulations arrived most of us Polis must have thought that the bureaucrats in Strasbourg and Brussels had, for once, come up with a blinder what with enforced 11 hour breaks between shifts.

Well, I've just endured (and I use that term intentionally) a week of what's called Step Down shifts from my rostered nightshifts to ensure that my poor body was allowed adequate rest between bouts of work. I now wonder if the writers of this legislation actually envisaged (or tried out) what was implicated. All this disruption was caused by my need to appear in court as a witness. Here's my shifts:

Day 1 - Work 9pm to 6am
Day 2 - Work 5pm to 2am
Day 3 - Work 1pm to 10pm
Day 4 - Work 9am to 6pm

The upshot of it all was that no one was the winner out of this i.e.

• The polis probably had to pay for someone to come in and work my nightshift on days 2, 3 & 4, and get double time to boot. Good for them, but not for the Polis budget or the general public's purses.
• The family at home were deprived of my company and assistance with domestic upkeep (which to be fair is minimal anyway according to she who must be obeyed).
• Mr Plod was heard repeatedly to say between snores both at home and at work, "I'm awake honest."

She who must be obeyed was her usual sympathetic self as I tried to explain the situation in a manner she might understand (I resisted drawing pictures), but I offered her this scenario around a 'normal' person's work day:

Day 1 - Work 8am to 5pm
Day 2 - Work 4am to 1pm
Day 3 - Work Midnight to 9am
Day 4 - Work 8pm to 5am (note however that this would actually be on the third day)

I think I lost her on day two, but I'm sure you get the point. I'm no Doctor, but if this was meant to safeguard and improve my health and welfare, then please can I see the evidence.

p.s. You can probably guess what happened when the trial date arrived.... yep.... sent away at 11am as not required to give evidence.

Correct Politicalness

A number of Polis bloggers have directed readers to the article in the Police Review submitted by an Inspector and airing his views on Blogging. I've linked to You're Nicked as he includes the full article, but other takes can be seen at Inspector Gadget and also at Sergeant Says.


Please read the article and then you'll understand why I have a few points to make:

• Being unhelpful about resource levels - I like to do a little bit of customer research when I get negative comments from mops regarding response times etc. Ask them just how many polis they think are on duty in their city, town etc. Do this on nightshift, say about 4am, when all the office bound polis are in bed and the lateshift have gone home. When they get the answer horribly wrong and they will - n.b. for God's sake don't give them the correct answer, that would be definitely unhelpful - ask them also how many ambulance crews are on, Doctors and Nurses at the local A&E, Out of Hours Social Workers etc etc. Then try and figure out yourself how they got it so wrong. We must be doing something right if they think there's that many on duty. The truth is however that we are all fighting for scarce resources and anyway; they should all be in bed asleep!
• Washing our dirty linen in public is not the answer - most of the blogs I read from Polis around the UK and blogs from other public servants are genuinely humorous and light hearted in their cynicism and critique of their paymasters. The mops (i.e. the members of the public - an acronym I like so there) that read blogs are likely to be gifted enough to make this distinction and not sit up at night worrying their little heads about the likelihood of them "being overrun by paedophiles, rapists, terrorists and murderers."
• You always know someone has a poor argument when they resort to typecasting and blatant dishing of their 'opponents' cf. "the opinions of jaded and frustrated officers." Frustrated yes, jaded no. I just CARE about the job and the people I serve enough to highlight the hurdles we sometimes encounter in providing a professional service in a manner that is both appropriate and proportional and for me satisfying and morale boosting.
  
• Anonymity - The inspector wrote, "I am aware my bosses read this piece, so I have to behave myself." What is he suggesting? Are Polis bloggers errant kiddiewinks who are due for an early night if they step out of line. A couple of clicks and my identity is there for all to discover, but I don't broadcast it like I was an official mouthpiece for my employers. The purpose of my particular blog, which is not exclusively related to Policing, but will have a large content about same given it's what I do for a living and is PART of who I am, is to discuss, comment and commune on matters I and others find interesting, amusing and thought provoking. I suggest the next time he is out for a drink or at a dinner party and he's asked about his job he just states, "NO COMMENT. I MUST BEHAVE." Despite my occasional moaning about things that DO frustrate me and others, I love my job and wouldn't do anything else. When asked at my confirmation how I felt about my job, I told the DCC I had found my niche. Nothing's changed my opinion. I only wish Inspectors like him (and let's face it the Police is almost unique in that the gaffers have all made their way through the ranks) would recall what they joined for and what their true vocation is. It's not to serve the implied monolith he refers to as THE POLICE, it's the public or as he would probably call them; our customers. In that there lies the problem. We are not a business. We do not have a profit line. Yes we have to give value for money, but we must do it proportionately and in a compassionate and efficient manner. My loyalty to the service remains strong, but it is rightly tempered by those actions made by Government and sometimes our own higher echelons that frustrate day to day policing.
  

Finally - I would just like to observe that this country has a fine tradition of free speech. However, with such freedom comes responsibility.

For Polis bloggers, that responsibility is to avoid naming names until in the Public domain, avoid sharing ill judged opinions and observations until the facts are known or researched, avoid comments that are sub-judice, but above all your comments should be transparent and honest. They say the truth never hurts and aren't we in the business of truth..... just remember what you say every time you go to court and before you actually give evidence. Something missing from the Inspector's article was the word integrity. He should look it up in his dictionary.

p.s. After writing all that (or in your case reading all that) I'm feeling JADED for another reason.

And yes, I have now let off steam!!!!

Posts to follow

1. WTR and 2. Headcams - but due to the effects of subject 1, Noddy has told Mr Plod to can it and let Noddy get some kip.

More tomorrow.

Sound Intelligence

"What's all this hear then?"

Not only has CCTV taken its place as extra eyes on the street when along comes this idea from the Netherlands to be the ears as well.

It's just as well that these gizmos will have to be complimentary tools for the moment as no-one has invented a machine able to arrest ne-er do wells and report them - yet!

This video is in Dutch, but you'll get the idea if you read the linked articles above.

p.s. My Toytown friend threatened to hoof me in the nether region if I gave this post my first choice title!

Targeting The Troublespots

Hard on the heels of the mosquito, here comes the latest gizmo to keep our errant youth from pestering us old codgers at the local shops.

Not so pretty in pink?

n.b. See Totally UnPC's post on this here and the mosquito here.

Sign of the times

A Spanish town council is demanding half of all road signs and traffic lights show female figures with skirts and ponytails.

I welcome suggestions for other diverse signage and offer the following as starters for 10!

1. Full yashmak and chador.
2. Hoodie, Burberry cap and Nike trackie bottoms.
3. White stick figures on black background.

Cold Turkey

As Victor Meldrew would say, "I don't believe it!"

Last time I looked the press were bleating about prisons being awash with drugs and inmates running away from open prisons to avoid taking drugs, but now it appears the poor souls cannot get their hands on their daily fix and the government are to pay out to avoid being sued for infringing their human rights. Will they disclose how much has been paid out?

Feel free to comment!

For other takes on this go to (w)PC Bloggs and Another Constable's posts.

A timely reminder

Just click here for a good reason why the polis deserve their 3%.

Bollards

The council in Manchester installed some retractable bollards to stop people using bus lanes.

It's causing a bit of an uproar with the public.

Click on this link to find out why...

I'm off to Tesco

More men are bound to shop if this new invention takes hold.

About time too!

It took time, but the 3% pay rise for Police Officers has been accepted.

However, it is noted that Mr Reid wants to examine the indexing agreement.

So look out for a new pay structure for 2007 linked to performance and compliancy. You heard it here first.

p.s. The polis need this dosh for all those burgers and doughnuts we eat whilst we do feck all - not.

Mr Happy on the wrong side of town

Thanks go to PC Dogberry for finding this flash animation.

Light Relief

I am sensing that all too many of my blogging colleagues are stressed out by the various pressures placed on modern police officers - not least the lack of a pay rise!

Many blogs are hilarious, but I do detect that there is a distinct lack of simple good time stories.

Let's face it, at the end of the day, despite all that confounds us, would you, could you, do anything else so varied, challenging and rewarding?

I was trawling through some of my archives and unearthed a collection of amusing incidents from my time in the Force Control Room. I thought I'd share them with you given that a safe passage of time has passed since their occurrence. Maybe I might just have started something.

Here goes:

LOCKED UP

A caller to the Police Office reported that she was attached to part of a bed headboard by handcuffs and had lost the keys.

Police Officers were unable to assist her despite trying various sets of keys and a piece of metal in a vain attempt to spring the locks.

Caller was advised to attend at ‘Dick’s Sports’ as he apparently held various sets of keys.

CAT BURGLAR?

999 call to Control Room from female reporting that a local licensee had kidnapped her cat for the second time.

Police Officers attended and described the female as an “alcoholic idiot” and warned her accordingly.

TOTALLY POTTY

Fire Brigade advised Police they had attended a report of a child’s head stuck in a potty. They later called back reporting they had rendered the necessary assistance.

WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOX

Call to disturbance. Initial Police unit attending reported that male had a cut to his head and required attention by ambulance staff.

Traffic unit reported they were standing down as the initial unit had the “matter in hand.”

The Initial unit then reported finding what appeared to be a 1” square piece of the injured male’s scrotum and asked for further instruction from A&E staff. Needless to say the section of wrinkled retainer was delivered post haste to hospital.

FLUSHING OUT THE SUSPECTS

999 call received reporting a group of people outside the caller’s home intending to break-in to his flat.

Police attending reported that the caller was senile and delusional.

Further 999 call from same man stated he had found the persons responsible, one described as male and the other as an attractive female and that they were now trying to get into his house via the sewer.

Yet another 999 call from same man reported that the persons concerned in trying to get into his house had been soaked as he had filled the bath and let the water go down the drain. Flushed with success the caller cancelled any further Police involvement, but he was advised to contact his GP.

MONKEYING ABOUT

Fire Brigade advised Police that they were attending a report of a Chip Pan fire at Pluscarden Abbey.

Wag in Elgin Control Room finished off the call by noting that “nothing more than a fat friar had been involved.”

ON A SIMILAR VEIN ….

999 call to Police from a Chipper reporting that “someone is battering the deep fat fryer.”

Police attended and established the Fryer had been dealing with troublesome customers. Fortunately, there was no complaint.

TOTALLY QUACKERS

I received a call from an anonymous female reporting a stray Duck. She went on to tell me that she was travelling on the main dual carriageway north and had seen a large duck waddling about on the road.

She had more to add though ……. She reported that the duck’s partner appeared to be an ex-duck as there were feathers everywhere.

She had even more to add …… She further reported that if this particular duck was hit, it would cause damage.

I couldn’t resist adding to the incident, when I transferred it to another office, “Appears that it may be playing chicken.”

SHAGGY DOG STORY

Caller reported that he owned a Staffordshire Bull Terrier and that when the Pizza Delivery Man came to the door to deliver a pizza, the Terrier had grabbed hold of a stray Labrador which was outside the door at the time.

The caller went on to advise that the poor Lab had been savaged and the Terrier had its jaws locked around the injured dog.

Apparently, the Pizza Man had been trying to put the Lab out of its misery by hitting it with a baseball bat (as you do).

At the time of the call the Bull Terrier had retired to the bedroom. Unfortunately its teeth were still locked round the neck of the Lab, which was still, rather remarkably, breathing.

The caller reported that (and I suspect this is what really upset him) his kids were screaming and there was an awful mess at his house.

The SSPCA were advised and reported they would attend and that at this stage the Police were not required.

The SSPCA Inspector then had second thoughts and asked for a Police unit to attend as he reasoned that if the Bull Terrier was as evil as reported then he would be unlikely to handle the matter himself.

Now here’s the twist ……..

The SSPCA Inspector advised that the dogs had been successfully separated and that the owner’s of the Terrier had voluntarily agreed to have it put down. He was then to try and contact the Lab’s owners in order that a vet could attend to its wounds and the despatch of the Terrier. So far so good, but it is the public we are dealing with and ….

The owners of the Lab refused to have anything to do with it and ended up being charged with cruelty etc. for not seeking the assistance of a vet.

You couldn’t make these up!

P.S.

Must have been a Snappy Tomato Pizza!

Speaking about eggs....

Not wanting to be seen as neglecting my male colleagues when it comes to tips for enhancing our appearance and in answer to (W)PC Bloggs post for her female colleagues, I offer this link and this online shopping experience for those in need.

Apparently (sadly I checked!) they are not available for those of us North of the Border - could that be 'cos we're not as vain or 'cos we don't need them?

Halloween Crackdown - Ban egg sales to U21's

I have posted before about the humble egg being the latest weapon of choice for our errant youths, but it seems my Neighbourhood colleagues have had a smashing time cracking down hard on their use as part of Operation Fawkes.

My next initiative will be to get No sales to U21 signs up in all grocers and supermarkets!

Speaking about Operations like this I'd like to welcome PC Dogberry to the world of Police blogs. I'd just like to observe that the fad for creating media grabbing and self serving Ops like those he refers to surely belittles our profession and opens us up for ridicule. Let's just stick to the basic foundation of good honest Policing - common sense.

Useless Software

Foamy sorts out the dross from Germaine's PDA, but as always the lassie has the last word!

Did you go?

Back in July I suggested readers went to see Wishbone Ash on their tour (37th year!).

Ickle bruvver and I went to a packed Lemon Tree on Saturday and they just get better and better with age - just like me! Rock and Roll on the next tour.

FoxIE Tunes?

Those of you viewing this in Internet Explorer (why?) may be interested in the Beta (works well as far as I can tell so far in IE7) for Foxy Tunes, the add-on much loved by Firefox users that accesses various media players direct into your browser.

You can try it out here.

Think Pink

It is reported that authorities in eastern India are painting a crime-infested town pink in the hope that an image makeover will lift the sagging morale of residents who are fed up with the decline in law and order.

With the city's two million residents complaining about poor quality of life and depression due to crime, officials said they had decided to paint the city pink ahead of the Hindu festival of light, Diwali, on October 21.

I'm thinking Burberry check would be nice!

Muzzle Puzzle

Please view this blog entry from (W) PC Bloggs.

My own view is why stop there, for instance all Reading FC players should be issued with carpet slippers along with elbow and knee pads! (Cech this out.)

It's happening already.

Mankind's future will be split between a beautiful 'genetic elite' and an underclass of 'goblin' creatures, an expert has predicted.

The full article can be read here, but I noted the following quotes within...

1. "After that, things could get ugly, with the possible emergence of genetic 'haves' and 'have-nots'."
2. "Social skills could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect."

and wondered if it's not already happening i.e. The Chavs and Chav nots.

Dr Oliver Curry, who has spent two months studying the ascent and descent of Man over the next 100 millennia, thinks the upper class will be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative. But he forecasts an underclass evolved into dim-witted, ugly and squat people, the report said.

Which group will you be/are you* in?

* - delete as appropriate.

Another take on the subject can be read here

Predictions included:

• Physical appearance, driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility, will improve.

• Men will exhibit symmetrical facial features, look athletic, and have squarer jaws, deeper voices and bigger penises.

• Women will develop lighter skin, large clear eyes, pert breasts, glossy hair, even features and smooth hairless skin.

• Racial differences will be ironed out by interbreeding, producing a uniform race of coffee-coloured people.

• Improved nutrition and medical science will see people growing taller and fitter, while life-spans are extended to 120 years.

Something there for everyone!

But, and there's always a but... here's what he predicts humans will look like (admittedly in 10,000 years)

Copyright theft?

Just a few days have passed since my plan to speed up Response Policing was revealed publicly and guess what ... those lot over in Englandshire have tried to steal my thunder.

I quote from the Beeb's article


Police have played down reports that spy planes could be flown high above the streets of Merseyside as a way to fight anti-social behaviour. Merseyside Police's new anti-social behaviour (ASB) task force is exploring a number of technology-driven ideas.

Toytown's own scallies Sly and Gobbo were quoted as saying, whilst up to their usual mischief, "Goodness me, look it's the ASB ASU, better foxtrot oscar back to the Dark Woods and hole up until the coast's clear. Mr Plod is really sneaky with all his new fangled toys, but we heard it was Noddy's idea first."

n.b. Thanks go to ickle bruvver for finding this article about possible drawbacks. I particularly liked the designer's comment, "It was spectacular, everything I hoped it would be, apart from actually flying."

Black Friday

Thankfully I'm now on holiday. Time for bed and a long peaceful sleep!

You can do it if you......

On the day that the Standards Watchdog reported on NHS Trusts in England, I found this gem reported.

And it isn't the first time - see here.

His actions wouldn't be held against him?

Associated Press reports from Duluth, Minnesota, that a Chicago man apologized for spreading his faeces around a courtroom during his trial on drug charges.

Vandale Amos Willis, 28, apologized Wednesday before being sentenced to more than 10 years in prison. Willis was convicted earlier of importation of a controlled substance, cocaine, and two other charges.

"Im going to take full responsibility for everything I did in Duluth," Willis told the court. "I want to apologize for everything I did in court. I'm sorry, your honour."

He asked Judge David Sullivan to put him on probation. Sullivan told Willis his actions wouldn't be held against him, but there was no reason to depart from sentencing guidelines.

"his actions wouldn't be held against him"...................bleedin' well should have been, should have thrown it right back at him!

Death-row prisoner gets pregnant in solitary!

Reuters report that a death-row inmate held in solitary confinement in Vietnam for almost a year is pregnant and is seeking a pardon to give birth, a newspaper reported on Thursday. The Lao Dong (Labour)(ed. sic) newspaper quoted a police doctor as saying tests in September confirmed that convicted heroin trafficker Nguyen Thi Oanh, 39, was then 11 weeks pregnant. The report said it was the first time that a death-row prisoner had become pregnant in Vietnam and that police were investigating how it had happened. (ed. doh!) Oanh's husband was serving a jail sentence at another prison in another province, the newspaper said. Oanh was due to face a firing squad this year after losing her appeal against the death sentence she received last year for possession of a billion dong ($63,000) worth of heroin. Trafficking more than 600 grams of heroin in Vietnam is punishable by death or life imprisonment.

Wonder what she'll use for pain relief?