Pot Noodled

You're nicked has a splendid post on the abuse of the 999 service here. The taped calls are all too familiar to me, having spent 6 years in our Control Room, and I can speak from experience when I say there was many a time I wondered (and worried) about the gene pool! The call regarding the hedgehog is a classic!

Can I ask that if you want to call the Police this festive season, think first and then decide;

1. Is it an emergency? Is someone's health, life or property at immediate risk?
2. Is it worth calling the Police about at this time of year? e.g if you've had a bauble nicked off your fir tree in the garden overnight, what do you expect the Polis to do? (Yes we did get that one recently).
3. What can you do YOURSELF to remedy the situation?
4. Is it the Police that you need to solve your problem?
5. If you go to bed and sleep off the drink will that stop the problem?

Update: Check out what our Ambulance colleagues have to contend with here. And there's even more here too.

Bah Humbug!

Thankfully that's another Xmas period over....don't get me wrong, I like the festive season from a family point of view, but what with working night shift over the festivities, I got to see little cheer. It is amazing how alcohol fuels the eejits out there in MOPland to fall out with each other at this time of year when it is supposed to be goodwill to all men (and women).

A few days off now and I will be home on Hogmanay so I can put my happy face on at last and abuse alcohol wisely enough to just have a hangover to worry about. Unfortunately it will be late shift for me on the 1st and 2nd days of 2007, when no doubt the misuse of alcohol will rear its ugly head again and I will find myself acting as referee in familial and marital disputes over blindingly obviously trivial matters conducted by those whose brain cell is lonely and pickled to the point of complete failure.

My New Years resolution is to keep a balanced view on all this ..... and jail the lot of them!

You have been warned.

Battery Low

Well it's that time of year when you parcel up all the new gizmo's for the weans. iPods are all the craze and Foamy gives a seasonal warning here for all those poor folk who absolutely, like, just must have the kewlest of all mp3 players. Personally, for all the reasons he states, I'd recommend the Sandisk Sansa e280 if you've time to get one, it's cheaper, replacement batteries are available at a tenner and you get video playback to boot!

Having said all that, you can now see Foamy's episodes as Podcasts here.

Merry Christmas from all the Toy Town residents.

Go on, make my day.

I posted earlier about yoof crime and offer this situation for your comment.

"Easy as picking foxes from a tree"

The Beeb reports that research suggests millions of adults in England have reading skills too poor to enable them to belt out many favourites from a karaoke autocue.

The lyrics of the 10 most popular karaoke songs have been assessed and rated by government literacy experts.

Those tackling Robbie Williams' Angels needed the reading skills required to pass five good GCSEs (Level 2).

Experts from the Get On literacy campaign said 17.8 million adults would not be able to follow the song.

Well blow me, wonder how they would get on with the lyrics of Marc Bolan, Slade, Bowie et al that was all the rage in my teenybob years!

Once you go black.......

Decided to give the blog a lick of paint - hope you like the new hue. Foamy ain't so keen apparently.

Lest we forget

What with the 5 murders in Suffolk and all the associated calls for changes in the law in respect of Prostitution, let's not forget that these girls are someone's daughter and in the case of our most recent similar local death, MOTHER. Check out the linked site to get the picture - graphically. She got little in the way of justice as can also be seen here too.

Having worked 'vice' for a good few years, I knew this girl. She was already a 'victim' then. There are no easy answers, but it's the ready availability of heroin and the vulnerability of women that we should concentrate on. That's why we have a 'Management Zone' locally for the 'working girls.' It works reasonably well, but as can be deduced from Susan's death there is still the chance that the evil and unhinged will pollute our darkest streets.

Let's hope the Suffolk Polis get their man quick.

Going all Slushy

I love kids and they love me too!

Isn't it great when they are so damn innocent.

Wingman found

It was only a matter of time before Noddy joined Mr Plod in the ASU.

Big Kids

Channel 4 News report that silly string is the latest tool in the GI's armoury in Iraq and Afghanistan. This isn't news - first appeared back in 2005 - but at least it's seasonally amusing. You can see a video report here.

Unsurprisingly, the novel use of silly string is being ascribed to the ingenuity of American soldiers, but as usual the Brits got there first as can be seen here and it's not unusual that the Americans should claim all the glory again!

Time to add your festive methods and tools to deter the ne'er do wells.

Emergency Services personnel take a break ....

...... courtesy of the Salvation Army at the scene of the Kensal Rise tornado, but if you check out the photo, who is missing?

Where are they? Probably doing some work or filling in forms!

Back to the real world

The F.A. Cup draw has been very kind to the Blues in many ways.

Hot Potato

I'm going to break my own rules, as described in my post Correct Politicalness, to expose a recent complaint received by the Polis to investigate - I just have to. It caused a full blown discussion over our bowls of Cullen Skink and plates of mince n' tatties.

The scenario goes like this:

New family move into a leased flat in a tenement block. Existing tenant of another flat complains to factor (leasing agents) that there is an overpowering smell of curry emanating from the new occupant's flat on a daily basis. Factor calls Police and reports the matter as a Racist incident. Polis are required to investigate as the caller's perception is paramount cf McPherson Report i.e. 'any incident which is perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person'. The caller does not identify the ethnicity of any of the parties involved.

The enquiry reveals that the complaining tenant is a constant complainer, who complains about all and sundry and the new tenant's fondness for eastern delicacies is just another spurious pretext to add to his/her list of complaints about neighbours and was not racially motivated. Indeed the ethnicity of the new occupants wasn't even known to the complaining tenant.

The result:

No further Polis action, but a heap of paperwork, racial incident monitoring forms etc.

It also generated a healthy debate, but was interrupted by the next shout...... however, I won't tell you about that one, other than it didn't reek!

Hobby Bobbies

This is the first email I got after adding a link. It was received with great amusement and some pride!

Sir,

Your blog is superb, for some reason I haven't been checking it as much as I should. Keep up the good work.

Best wishes PTPM
http://www.parttimepolisman.com

Noddy would like to ask, "Do you know something Mr Plod doesn't?"

I have rarely been referred to as 'Sir' before, well not in Polis circles or by the general public barring the occasional new start who, what with the new insignia free black tops, just sees the grey hair, a couple of waiters and the odd wino perhaps.

Seriously though, it made me think that I should start a bunch of links to blogging hobby bobbies 'cos God knows why they turn up on a cold and wet Saturday night to reinforce our thin blue line, but we need you loons and quines.

PTPM - you get the honour of being the first and a good blog too!

p.s. Translation for English speaking readers. Loon = Boy, Quine = Girl in Doric.

Ex Factored

Apparently, although I have no idea what the fuss is about, last night's - what do you call it? - eviction of the BurgerKing Brothers on the XFactor was a National Tragedy.

No, wrong, incorrect, total loss of perspective, trash....

It was a victory for male Scots and the nation's lugholes. Who wants to go on that show and sing the god awful Bay City Rollers "Shang a Lang" ? One bout of shame is enough.

If you want to read about a National Tragedy read this. What, the Scots invented British-ness!

I hope so, then we could ascribe the aforementioned caterwauling to the BRITISH BurgerKing Brothers.