Welcome to Toy Town™

Bliadhna Mhath Ùr

2011-12-31T23:29:00.004Z

As regular readers will have grasped, this year has been one of many trials and tribulations.

Seeking a suitable passage to read to my recently bereaved elderly mother-in-law in respect of the coming new year, this was suggested, by a simple Google search on 'Bible new year', from 1. Peter starting at verse 3. God clearly thinks out of the box!

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,

5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,

9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care,

11 trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow.

12 It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

Be Holy

13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.

14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.

15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;

16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear.

18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors,

19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.

20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake.

21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.

23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

24 For, “All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall,

25 but the word of the Lord endures forever.”

And this is the word that was preached to you.

Those that know what we have been through in 2011,will only marvel at these words.

Wishing you all a Happier New Year.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Lady

2011-12-30T19:41:00.004Z

Passing on a message close to my heart......

Dear friend

Today sees the release of The Lady in UK cinemas. This is a major new film about Aung San Suu Kyi directed by Luc Besson and starring Michelle Yeoh and David Thewlis.

The Lady is based on the life story of inspirational Nobel Peace Prize winner and democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi.

Starting with the assassination of her father Aung San, Burma's independence hero, the film follows Aung San Suu Kyi's incredible journey to lead Burma's struggle for democracy, her imprisonment by the regime, and the love and support of her husband Michael Aris, the Oxford academic. The dictatorship refused to allow him to visit Aung San Suu Kyi one last time before his tragic death from cancer.

You can watch a trailer here.

In an interview with Burma Campaign UK, Michelle Yeoh said that she hopes people are inspired by the film to find out more about Burma:

"The most important thing for us is to create an awareness. The cause is so vital, we want people to understand what is happening there and not to take for granted what you have. We have democracy but reach out your hand to people who are still fighting for theirs."

Burma Campaign UK worked behind the scenes with producers back in 2007 to get the film started. This is just one of the many ways in which Burma Campaign UK works behind the scenes to raise awareness about Burma and make sure the world does not forget Burma's struggle for freedom.

Please support our work for freedom in Burma and make a donation here.

Thank you.

Anna

Burma Campaign UK

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pandamonium

2011-12-09T14:09:00.005Z

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch.

ayePhone shockeroonee

2011-10-28T01:36:00.004+01:00

Fit like loons and quines?

It's a sair fecht, but yon new fangled ayePhones cannae deal wi' the doric twang.

Big up tae the Polisman, fars obviously been affa weel brocht up - and clearly nae fae Mastrick.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Weather Warning

2011-08-29T15:18:00.003+01:00

Hurricane Irene has been downgraded to a Scottish Summer.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch.

I predict a riot

2011-08-12T10:07:00.005+01:00

Cameron says Police were too slow to react - what's Italian for pot & kettle?

Give him some PPE and shove him on the front line.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Mayhem

2011-08-09T12:08:00.007+01:00

Well that was pure genius Mr Prime Eunuch.

All police leave cancelled. Spiffing good show. Just the support we wanted from the combined neurone that clearly is shared around the table at COBRA.

I have my suspicions it was a holding statement until they contacted Baldrick for a cunning plan.

In the meantime the hooded massive will be quaking in their one tens as they await the 'force' of the debate in the HoC on Thursday.

I'm sure I previously mentioned Nero.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Quick update

2011-08-08T20:43:00.004+01:00

Boris Johnson / Theresa Mayhem / David Cameron v Nero - Discuss.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

........ Apologists.

2011-08-08T18:13:00.010+01:00

Is it just me, as far as I am from Norf Lundun, or do others wonder why do we have to suffer the bleetings of those individuals who are trotted out by our wonderful media to explain that the underlying impoverishment and disenfranchisement of the yoof is the rationale for blatant criminality.

If I was poor, disadvantaged, abandoned and starving you might under the most desperate of circumstances see me and my massive making the local Lidl an open air emporium for the famished population, but what do we actually see ........?

........ Fashionistas busting the windows of JD Sports to engorge themselves on vital victuals such as one tens and trackies and the truly desperate at Currys helping themselves to life saving HDTVs.

Ten out of ten to Sky News for their beautifully succinct comment on their Twitter site in relation to a news alert on their ticker. If only the rest of their coverage was as balanced.

In summation, however, this is clearly all the Police's fault. I must have missed the bit at Polis College about how I was to solve all the country's social ills. I thought that was the Politicians job - silly me. Mind you one has to let them have their foreign holidays and the rest of us can just muck in and cover for them since we can no longer afford such luxuries after Ms May's patently counter-productive decimation of our pay, pensions and conditions. I do feel so sorry she had to cut short her vacation.

I have, based on the collective assumption of guilt, penned a letter to my own Chief Constable, requesting he pay immediate attention to the non-appearance of summer hereabouts. If he is on the ball, he will roll out an obscure ecomentalist to explain it all to us.

Stay safe my southern cousins.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Stand Free

2011-07-18T19:58:00.007+01:00

A heartfelt request from a Paramedic colleague ...

Dear All,

After 6 months of endless fundraising and saving I am now nearing the target of raising £55,000 to send my nephew to the St Louis Children's Hospital in the USA for life changing surgery. Riley has Cerebral Palsy and at present is unable to walk and confined to a wheel chair. We are now so close to our target and surgery is booked for August.

This op is not available to Riley in the UK.

Can I ask that you all spread the word of his website and his Facebook page of same name to help us achieve our final total and allow us to get on the plane to America in August so he can achieve his dream of taking his "first steps".

Any donation/fundraising is welcome.

Many Thanks

Ewan

Published by Toy Town™ Times

More Free Speech

2011-07-04T18:22:00.000+01:00

Dissent.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

While I've been away

2011-07-01T01:48:00.007+01:00

During my enforced sojourn, I managed to jot down a few memos and links for future reference.

Time to uncork the bottle methinks.

First off, has anyone seen the fruits of their labours? Or have the apples still to fall from the trees?

The next time the other half asks that question, the one there used to be no answer for, just refer her to this ... adding of course, "No, it's always been that size."

Speaking of size. They used to say the Polis are getting younger, now it seems they are getting smaller.

On a positive note I was glad, given ongoing matters, to read this. I just don't believe it!

My next post will concentrate on the daft, stupid and frankly ridiculous happenings up here in God's country. We need his help you see!

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Table Toppers

2011-06-30T02:29:00.004+01:00

Sometimes I am stoked that my small country can deliver some spectacular results, and at other times - well not.

Unfortunately Toytown™ heads up this particular league.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Clumsy

2011-06-28T12:01:00.003+01:00

Whilst the Lady speaks of freedom, the regime continues in the usual vein.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Again?

2011-06-27T19:33:00.002+01:00

Surely once was enough.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Free Speech

2011-06-27T02:35:00.003+01:00

Not to be missed.

Also available on iPlayer.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Déjà vu

2011-06-22T23:07:00.005+01:00

Mini Me?

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Ray of Sunshine!

2011-06-21T01:15:00.002+01:00

I have to put on record the unstinting support my gaffers and those in the Welfare team have given my family over the last 9 months, particularly as it has nought to do with them.

A tower of a man retires today and he will be genuinely difficult to replace.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

My quill is poised......

2011-06-17T14:19:00.006+01:00

Nought has changed hereabouts for 9 months plus as the Toytowners™ await the painfully slow and questionable processes of the not so wonderful toon cooncil.

More later.

Inner calm......

2011-02-09T01:25:00.001Z

....from God's Grace.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Been awa, but no biding awa

2011-01-14T23:46:00.007Z

Apologies to all and sundry, but due to issues beyond my control (and nothing to do wi' the Polis) I have been and will be preoccupied with other matters.

Once resolved believe you me I have plenty to say and the pic maybe hints at my feelings just now.

Meanwhile this is a well overdue link and the background is here and here.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Life in plastic, it's fantastic......

2010-11-04T16:20:00.009Z

Toy Town™ realised?

On the other hand it doesn't waste petrol.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

No brainer

2010-09-03T18:07:00.003+01:00

Over on this side of The Pond we often chuckle at the amount of safety equipment the folk that play the strange version of football called American wear.

You would think then, wouldn't you, that a player of that 'game' might just consider appropriate safety equipment before going out on his motor cycle.

It's a no brainer really.

Lucky man!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Chemical Bondage?

2010-08-24T08:33:00.003+01:00

I may be going daft in my old age, but this article had me tripping over myself with ideas for new peecee monikers for our chemically bonded (see I just made one up!) clients.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

2010-08-15T10:28:00.003+01:00

Still top!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Pull the other one.......

2010-08-14T01:45:00.003+01:00

Please feel free to add the term 'pish' to this article!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hang on it's still 'summer'

2010-08-06T20:33:00.005+01:00

I have decided that coming out of hibernation will be postponed until 'summer' 2011.

According to Toytown's local rag;

Weather experts today warned the Toytown area could be hit with snow in September. Positive Weather Solutions senior forecaster Jonathan Powell said: “Next month will be colder and wetter than average and that may well be enough to include some snowfall over the hills. “October will follow suit – we are in for a cold autumn and a stonker of a winter. It’s going to be on a par with last winter.”

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Not so bonnie Scotland

2010-05-26T20:44:00.004+01:00

There's good and bad in every apple.

The good.

The bad.

.... and in case you missed the first episode here's the link.

p.s. Check (sic) the Burberry!

p.p.s. an update.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Paws for thought

2010-05-21T16:52:00.003+01:00

Just when I thought it was the Polis that got all the daft calls from our customers, the SSPCA have well and truly outdone us.

Whatever next?

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Double delight

2010-05-21T02:23:00.005+01:00

Noddy is bouncing along merrily in Toytown™ like a happy little chappie with his bell ringing loudly.

Meanwhile, I have been following a new series on the Beeb up here in God's Own Country, but after watching the first offering, I think He may just want to disown bits of it!

You gotta love Marvin the reformed heroin addict...."Marvin is looking forward to seeing his girlfriend; when she gets out of prison."

Depressingly, similar schemes litter every major town and I'm sure, once you manage to unnerstaun the patter, you will recognise the same features in your own neighbourhoods (sic).

So you'll unnerstaun why I'm also delighted since I'm no longer a Response cop (but then nobody is any more up here 'cos we've all now recently moved into a Local Policing Team) and I am now fighting the good fight in a location virtually void of the depressing drudgery of delinquents, domestics and drug dependency.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Diet pehs?

2010-05-15T11:57:00.008+01:00

She who must be obeyed would be in a quandary today if she was in the least bit interested in the beautiful game.

Born in Pompey and brought up in Dingwall it would be churlish of me to suggest that whilst I hope to be celebrating a double, she will probably be doubly disappointed.

Meanwhile the Beeb has clearly found the burning issue to report regarding the Scottish FA Cup Final.

Low Fat pehs? I think the Beeb are missing the point!

Anyway, c'mon the Stags and Lions.

Update - The OH would be bereft, but then she doesn't even know there is an offside rule.

The Lion and the Unicorn

2010-05-12T11:12:00.003+01:00

Time for a history lesson.

Fan I wis a loon at skool doon in Englandshire and daen ma 'A' livils, one of ma History teechur's wiys o' gettin us interested in Victorian political history wis tae divide the class up intae supporters o' Disraeli and Gladstone. I wis picked for the Gladstone outfit.

I mind especially the Disraeli team (who had local advantage as his hame wis just up the road) takkin the michael oot o' Gladstone for his peculiar past-time o' cuttin' doon trees.

It amused me then, that on the evening of the election, the Beeb reported as follows:

How are the leaders whiling away these nervous hours? Well, according to the Press Association, Gordon and Sarah Brown had lamb stew for dinner before the prime minister went off for a nap at about 8.30pm. David Cameron, meanwhile, spent two hours chopping logs.

I bleetered at the time on Bookface that yon wis affa Gladstonesque of DC.

Eftir 'at, I have been telt that DC is a passionate follower o' Disraeli. So just far dis he stand, considering that he has also quoted Gladsone viz:

In fact, it was perhaps the most famous liberal politician in British history, William Gladstone, who best summed up what I believe a government should do. ‘It is the duty of government to make it difficult for people to do wrong, easy to do right.’

Perhaps then, it is of nae great surprise that he has found it easy to get into bed with Clegg.

Jist fit a' this means for us poor souls north o' the border is anyone's guess, but as far as the criminal fraternity are concerned I hope there are CHANGES that scunner the ne'er do wells.

p.s.

DC in his formative yoof also idolised Thatcher. Nobody's perfect!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

There's more....

2010-05-10T15:58:00.001+01:00

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Simples

2010-05-10T01:13:00.006+01:00

I have officially overdosed on re-runs of the massacre at the Bridge and am now able to post my delight!

103 goals this season - record,
71 goals difference - record,
Didier Drogba - Golden Boot,
Peter Cech - Golden Glove,

....... but what really matters......

Now for the double.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

There's something missing....

2010-04-22T16:31:00.004+01:00

"Abidy run there's a Clegg aboot!"

Ha'en a wee chuckle at the Timmy boys tryin' to do doon the LibDems noo 'at yon fit dee you call him is up in the ratings.

Apparently abidy's ogling Sky tonight and some mass debate o'er Bristols, or did I pick that up wrong?

Only problem is that something is missing for us o'er the borders of Englandshire and to many of us left on the enforced sidelines again, it will not be forgotten.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Guess who's a happy easter bunny?

2010-04-03T22:53:00.002+01:00

Cracking!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Où sont vos chapeaux?

2010-03-17T10:01:00.003Z

Not wishing to make light of the passing of a colleague, but I have a feeling I know what some SMT types would have reacted to first on seeing this report and pic.

Repose en paix.

An offensive weapon.

2010-03-17T09:58:00.003Z

Dick!

Do I really need to say anything else?

Getting Shirty

2010-02-24T18:39:00.002Z

Diversity issue or good old fashioned teasing?

Anyone on the end of constant references to 1966 will be all too happy to see these items sell like hot cakes now!

Jimmy Hill you are a..... ooops can't sing that any more either, but then WE won't even be there, so who has the last laugh?

Toilet humour

2010-02-22T23:03:00.004Z

I do believe that despite protests elsewhere, Auntie Beeb is plumbing even newer depths in toilet humour, though I do find Hacker somewhat fetching in his silver number.

© Bumpy Dog
Published by Toy Town™ Times

That figures

2010-02-04T17:20:00.003Z

Fit Like?

Many changes here in Toy Town™ and the pic is a wee clue.

I will get back to blogging proper soonest, but this article requires immediate comment.

Far be it from me to suggest the disingenuous scaremongering that the Tories might have engendered by suggesting crime was rife under our present leadership, but isn't that a wee bit more worrying than to have the audacity to suggest statisticians might have their wondrous figures questioned, and I quote.......

"I must take issue with what you (Shadow home secretary Chris Grayling) said yesterday about violent crime statistics, which seems to me likely to damage public trust in official statistics." - Sir Michael Scholar's letter to the Conservatives.

Get real!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Too cold to go out

2010-01-05T20:49:00.006Z

Here in Toyland™, we have been under a constant white carpet and sub zero temperatures for nigh on three weeks now, with no end in sight.

All the skools are closed, chaos and starvation is upon us, but funnily enough I've always managed to get to Toy Town™ to serve the public.

Today, the collective neighbourhood were out shovelling the street for hours on end to get us all moving and it worked.

What is it about today's Teechurs and our precious urchins that they cannot get to skool these days? Two weeks off not enough?

... and where were the kids today? Sledging of course.

It was just as well Mr Elfin Safety couldn't see them. He'd stop that too.

Bliadhna Mhath Ùr

2009-12-31T17:48:00.004Z

Last year I was Twisting in My Sobriety.

This year..... well I have some tough decisions to make.

Those working tonight - stay safe.

Those not, and all the other Toy Town™ Teamsters, have a blast. I'm gonna!

All the best to one and all for 2010.

Slàinte Mhath!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

The Season of Ill Will

2009-12-30T14:26:00.004Z

In reference to my last post;

Was I right or was I wrong?

Let's just say my overtime claim forms were piling up.

Thank the Lord that I am off over Mahogany or otherwise Toy Town™ Constabulary would be bankrupt what with my Jonah stylee luck!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Boxing Day

2009-12-26T00:01:00.003Z

Christmas is over for another year and it's early turn for me in the area of Toy Town™ that is euphemistically referred to as 'Domesticville'.

Two things struck me (sic) about policing 'Boxing Day':

Firstly, the name derives from the tradition of giving seasonal gifts, on the day after Christmas, to less wealthy people and social inferiors.

Secondly, the portentous nature of the naming of the day.

Here's a tip for quarrelsome significant others; try the latter and in the spirit of giving I can offer you an en-suite room with no view, because knowing my customer base, I have a feeling I'm going to be a very generous innkeeper.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Save a Prayer

2009-12-25T03:45:00.000Z

Season's Greetings one and all.

I ask you to save a prayer today for this remarkable lady.

While you are at it, spare a thought for my colleagues who are out at the coalface today. Stay safe.

Finally, when you are surrounded by the warmth of your family and friends today, and those of you who might consider saying Grace, cast your minds towards those who are far away on the real front line fighting for us.

.... and yes, cast a thought on what this day is really about celebrating.

Now playing: Duran Duran - Save a Prayer
via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

I'd like to move it

2009-12-08T00:17:00.002Z

I'd like to, but my back has given in and I'm off work!

Anyway, it's an excuse to post mair xmas lichties!

Gutted.

2009-11-26T23:25:00.004Z

Another bad decision Mr Home Secretary.

Counting the Cost

2009-11-20T22:10:00.004Z

Credit where credit is due to the Beeb tonight as their correspondent rightly said the damage and disruption caused by the floods pailed into insignificance after the sad news of the death of PC Bill Barker.

I posted back in early September about local flooding and it has been persisting it down virtually non-stop since, but not once did I stop to think that that might be the ultimate peril.

R.I.P.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's oh so quiet

2009-11-15T10:41:00.007Z

It's been quiet, both here on Toy Town™ and with the necessary pressure needed to be kept up on the regime in Burma.

It took a while, but up steps the knight in shining armour (or as he would have it - armor).

Will it help?

Probably not, but it's better than the silence of late.

As for me and the gang; home renovations have taken their toll on my time available to contribute to the blogosphere. Unfortunately, Mr Dulux continues to call!

Back soon.

Now playing: Björk - It's Oh So Quiet via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Safer Scotland

2009-10-27T18:16:00.003Z

A pat on the back?

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Noddy's Noble Prize

2009-10-10T13:38:00.004+01:00

It's Prize week.

Crimestoppers have been on the local agenda this week and in my own fashion of promoting their good work, here is a gent whose actions also require genuine acknowledgement and he has nothing to be humble about.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Spare any change?

2009-10-06T15:59:00.009+01:00

Manifesto Message from 'the Opposition'.

How to win friends and influence people.

Oh Goody! I feel so valued.

Note to self - sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but then being the lowest form of worker as a public servant........

Barrack Obama coined (sic) the phrase, "Change we need". I'm thinking there isn't even small change offered by our Politicos.

I was going to byline the post, "Spare any change, Guvnor", but with policies like this, I don't hold out much hope for Dod's chances at being a governor. Jacqui Spliff's double deal to our southern colleagues seems quite profligate in comparison.

© Mr Plod
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Crisis? What Crisis?

2009-10-04T21:50:00.005+01:00

Just a week ago, doom and gloom had apparently struck the Bridge.

Well that's Ancelotti's Aces top again and for a wee while too as the Internationals sort themselves out.

Should give Fergie time to cool off.

Now playing: Supertramp - Easy Does It
via FoxyTunes

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Who is the Nanny?

2009-09-29T00:20:00.003+01:00

For a wee while now I have been occasionally bleeterin' on about certain ales.

I am fair chuffed with this response from a local micro-brewery.

Which leads nicely onto this nonsense.

I recall a time when a certain 'co-operative' consisting of a Copper, a Nurse, a G.P. and a Social Worker helped each other out with childcare. Funnily enough, despite all that, all the weans appear to be well-adjusted.

p.s. Hat tip to the Loon for both links.

p.p.s. An Update.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Bullet Proof Policing

2009-09-17T15:37:00.002+01:00

Sorry, but this doesn't look like it to me.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Jox Vox - Vol. 3

2009-09-17T01:16:00.000+01:00

Time for a skirl fae the loon o'er the happenings up in yon pairts.

First off there's little 'n' large. Go on guess which one interests me more? Staying on topic, this is just plain daft. Where on earth are you going to get a Scotsman to pay 10K for a comparatively wee bottle? As it happens, Glenfiddich is one of the few drams I would turn down anyway. Not for me, even if I had a hotline to Derren Brown. However, this does interest me.

Meanwhile a local brewery has a novel approach to helping tackle the country's binge-drinking culture.

Linking on the theme of alcohol, I liked this crumbly's honesty.

Conversely, as an antedote, the following story jumped out at me and in my best Sun headline mode I decided on: Little Toads!

Apparently, Sir Terry Wogan has said, "I can't go back to Toy Town™." As folk up here would say, "You big Jessie."

It's now official, a heap of money has been lost in translation. Teaching English is not going to help when our visitors are confronted with the Doric!

..... and finally a word or two about our apparently shrinking ovine friends.

I started off this post whining about being fleeced, but there is only one winner in that category, especially as our roasting hot summer has done for a predecessor.

Dun.

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Different Thinking

2009-09-17T01:11:00.005+01:00

I bump my gums periodically about all things related to Autism.

For a while I've been following Gary McKinnon's plight, so much so that I've started a sidebar widget just for him, so check it out.

I weep at the ignorance and intolerance in society, but I rejoice at the likes of this individual.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Viewpoints

2009-09-16T23:53:00.005+01:00

The little world of Toytowner's™ most 'famous' inhabitant has been in upheaval and continues to be so. As such I've had little time to update the blog, but here goes with some catch up.

This decision passed with a worldwide whisper once again!

It seems Mrs 'T' was not always a Unionist - well we knew that this side of our border!

I found this article from the Beeb professionally amusing if only for the completely non-diverse nature of the report. Easy now, having a dig at Poles and the Irish all in one article - naughty Auntie.

Some folk will make any excuse for taking a dram.

Certain constituents know just where they are not going to put their 'Y' at the next election.

The nanny state continues unabated with such classics (sic) as this. Keeping on the food tack, this is genuinely more worrying, if of no great surprise.

Equally I worried a bit about the degeneration in what used to be the pillars of society when I read this blurb. Role models? Perhaps they should look no further than the impressive Eddie Izzard.

Finally, for all acrophobics out there this made me wibble and wobble.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Sorry, say that again.

2009-09-16T23:47:00.002+01:00

The trouble with going on holiday to the barren wetlands is that you miss some press cuttings.

Having said that, this did not come as NEWS to me.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

A Sticky End?

2009-09-10T19:45:00.005+01:00

... and here's a tip for all Ecomentalists (to quote Clarkson).

Dried treacle, clothes and body hair form a tough bond, especially when the Polis try to search you!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

9.9.9.

2009-09-09T02:53:00.002+01:00

Big night ahead and guess who is late shift?

Nuff said.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Drookit

2009-09-04T09:09:00.006+01:00

Intelligence received on 04/09/2009 provides that some 'motorists' think they are invincible.

Despite the presence of the Polis at this flash flood, some 'drivers' still decided they could forge on through the sypit streets.

Oops!

Fireman Sam was busy rescuing them all over the place.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Megrahi - An American's Assessment

2009-08-26T13:16:00.003+01:00

This is 'spot on'.

Hat Tip to Missy.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Toytown Tartanistas

2009-08-25T04:03:00.009+01:00

Apparently Richard Littlejohn (sic) doesn't agree with the tone of my previous post.

I quote from the Daily Wail (with comments from me appended thus);

"Gordon Brown's yellow streak is the width of the Yangtze river

Two years ago, almost to the day, a sheep sneezed in Scotland. Twenty minutes later, Gordon Brown was on every television channel in full Commander-in-Chief mode.

He was going to be tough on sheep and tough on the causes of sheep (Gadget's got that in hand). We could sleep soundly in our beds.

The next day, it rained. Pausing only to discard his knotted hanky and off-duty Harris Tweed beach jacket, Gordon helicoptered back to London to convene an emergency meeting of Cobra in a bunker deep under Downing Street. Holidays are for wimps.

And lo, it came to pass, the flood waters subsided. Not since Moses had there been a more crucial intervention.

The BBC and the boys in the bubble went wild, hurling their knickers on stage. How lucky we were to be led by a man of such towering, Churchillian greatness.

No more lies, no more evasion, no more spin, no more stunts. Just firm, decisive action. Not Flash, just Gordon.

In those heady days of summer 2007, no crisis was too small to warrant the personal attention of the new Prime Minister.

If you'd found a spider in your bath, one phone call to Downing Street and Gordon would be there with his big clunking fist, Sky News crew in hot pursuit.

Two years on and it's a different story. The father of the nation has done his trademark disappearing act.

While the civilised (?) world recoils in disgust from the early release of the only man convicted of the worst ever terrorist atrocity on British soil, Gordon is nowhere to be found.

As Toytown Tartanistas strut the stage, the Prime Minister is hiding behind the sofa.

The man who wrote a letter of condolence after John Terry missed a penalty (Now, you really are winding me up), and found the time to ring Piers Morgan to inquire about the mental health of a contestant on a television freak show, apparently has no opinion whatsoever on the greatest single rift between Britain and the United States of America since the Boston Tea Party. (Being a tad late showing up for WW1 and WW2 might rank a wee bit higher).

His new best friend, President Obama, is spitting feathers. He has interrupted his own vacation on Martha's Vineyard to condemn this outrageous affront to justice.

But the man ultimately responsible for this humiliating debacle is remaining resolutely schtum.

We used to have a labrador who behaved like Gordon. Whenever he broke wind, he'd look away in the misguided belief that if he couldn't see you, you couldn't see him and the source of the foul smell enveloping the living room would remain a mystery.

Be in no doubt that despite his desperation to pass the buck, Gordon Brown is up to his neck in the decision to release the Lockerbie bomber.

Six weeks ago, he wrote a 'Dear Muammar' letter to the Libyan leader asking him not to make a song and dance about the homecoming of Abdelbaset Ali Mohamed Al Megrahi and wishing him a Happy Ramadan.

Gordon was perfectly well aware that the falafel was about to hit the fan. Megrahi's release had formed an integral part of every recent trade and diplomatic negotiation with Gaddafi.

Little Alex Salmond may be basking in vainglorious mischief, but the daisy chain of duplicity and deceit leads right back to Downing Street and the treacherous triumvirate of Brown, Blair and Mandelson.

Salmond is a bit-part player in this dark farce, the political equivalent of Ally MacLeod, the football manager who led Scotland to hilarious ignominy in the 1978 World Cup. (At least we were there!)

Six weeks ago, Gordon Brown wrote to Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi asking for a low-key response to Megrahi's homecoming.

When I watched the Saltire being waved alongside the Libyan flag as Megrahi arrived back on home soil, I was reminded of the victory parade MacLeod staged in front of 25,000 delirious fans at Hampden Park before his squad had even boarded the plane to Argentina:

We're on the road with Alex's army, We're all going to Tripoli!

In the event, Scotland were stuffed by Peru, just as Salmond has been kippered by Libya, whatever he might kid himself.

The subplots swirling around this squalid affair, such as whether or not Megrahi is actually guilty, are all academic.

Of course he wasn't the mastermind, any more than the bloke who bought the rucksacks for the London Transport bombers was their Mr Big. But he was convicted in a British court of law (Wrong again - Scottish Court under Scots Law sitting in Holland) and, cancer or no cancer, letting him out after eight years is, as Mandelson would say, 'offensive' to those who died and their families.

None of this is of any consequence to the main actors in this demeaning, disgusting drama. They live in their own squalid soap opera, while the rest of us can for now only either watch with horror or avert our eyes.

In their amoral universe, there is little difference between theatrically letting Jade Goody's boyfriend out of prison for his stag night and freeing a convicted terrorist involved in the murder of 270 innocent civilians.

It's all a game to these cynics. Surely, say the sophisticates, Gordon wouldn't have gone along with this simply because he thought it would damage the SNP at the next General Election.

That's precisely why he would have gone along with it. Every decision he ever takes is predicated upon what it can do for him personally and how much damage it will inflict on his political opponents. And to hell with the consequences.

Despite the preening world statesman posturing, Gordon is as much of a petty, point-scoring, partisan pygmy as the puffed-up playground posers in the SNP. (An abundance of aimless and absurd alliteration).

His stony silence is almost eloquent, serving both to insult our intelligence and remind us of the yellow streak the width of the Yangtze which passes for his backbone.

Imagine how this looks from the American end of the kaleidoscope. They had asked for Megrahi to be tried in Scotland because they believed in British (?) justice. Now they've discovered what a sick joke modern British justice (Scots Law is ancient - muppet) really is.

And consider what our front-line soldiers, many from Scottish regiments and sent to risk their lives fighting terrorism alongside the Americans in Afghanistan, must make of this shameful decision to show 'compassion' to a man convicted of this country's worst-ever terrorist attack.

Makes you proud to be British."

Want my opinion Dick?

Hate is an inevitably unrewarding state of mind......

....and frankly the decision based purely on OUR law, and not transitory but understandable feelings, made me proud to be Scottish.

p.s.

He missed out on mentioning, during his bizarre anti everything Scottish rant, the 6th greatest goal of all time.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Compassion

2009-08-24T15:52:00.003+01:00

In all the hoo-hah about the Lockerbie Bomber I refer you to this article, which I suggest says it all, well almost, 'cos I have a couple of points to make.

Firstly, surely the decision to release Megrahi shows that 'we' have an understanding of compassion, which is more than can be said for him and those who undoubtedly masterminded his evil deed.

Secondly, as the much maligned MacAskill should have said, Megrahi has a higher power to face on his soon to be judgement day, rather than a punishment that had been meted out on him in the way of Cancer. I'm definitely uneasy with this view of the supernatural bestowing upon a ne'er do well this hideous disease and the bitter taste this will have upon other Cancer sufferers and those who have had beloved ones fall to it.

Finally, my thoughts are with those who died on the day and their families and friends.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

If you feel your life is in a rut.....

2009-08-24T15:46:00.003+01:00

.....things could be worse!

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Phoenix

2009-07-17T01:47:00.013+01:00

Fit like abidy?

A pucklie o' folk hae noticed that yon loon his nae bin postin syne a whiley.

Sum hiv even bin emailin the loon affa concerned for his wellbeing.

It's affa hertnin ta ken yon folk are wundrin fit's a dae wi the loon.

A hannae been nobbled rest assured. Weel that's wis aywiz aricht be'en as I'd bin intae hae ma bell rung a guid whiley syne.

So 'en fit's kept me away fae yon blogging.

To be honest a dah ken, but things round these pairts hae bin busy wi' daen naithin special really, but yon blog juices hid bin running dry and ither things hid bin mair important.

Onywiy, A'm sure you're a' champin at the bit tae ken fit the wee photee is a' aboot. Weel 'at's far the Toytowners are aff tae this weekend for their hols and to chill off. Nae doot it'll be drookit o'er on yon west coast, bit there's iywiz the uisge beatha and the leann!

MAIR CHILL.......

Fan the Toytowners get back, there will be plenty for Noddy & Mr Plod to bleeter on aboot. It will be like a feast eftir a famine. A proverbial Phoenix...

And as a wee teaser I'll tell ye a' aboot fit A've bin up to. Here's een clue fit A wis daen fan een o' they bunch of colonials were celebratin' some kind o' Independence Day...

As a certain Mr Frey said, "We were around when the Dead Sea was just sick."

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

School's out

2009-05-21T09:04:00.004+01:00

There are some obvious reasons why Toy Town's™ Cooncil are somewhat penniless.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Come over here and say that!

2009-05-19T01:03:00.004+01:00

Not content with moving Scotland into England, the Yanks are now desecrating our national dress (sic).

Hat Tip to Frank Chalk.

Some Yanks are on the ball, so to speak!

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Defenceless

2009-05-18T23:51:00.005+01:00

A few days ago I received an email update from the Burma Campaign as follows:

Dear friend

We are deeply worried by the news that Aung San Suu Kyi is to face trial on Monday. Aung San Suu Kyi was arrested yesterday and is now being held in Insein Prison, a prison notorious for its terrible conditions and horrific treatment of prisoners. Political prisoners in Burma are routinely subjected to torture and often denied medical treatment. We are very concerned for Aung San Suu Kyi’s health in these conditions, particularly as she was seriously ill last week, but denied medical care by the regime.

Aung San Suu Kyi will face trial for supposedly violating the terms of her house arrest, after an American man swam uninvited to her house and refused to leave. She faces a prison sentence of between three and five years.

Now more than ever Aung San Suu Kyi needs our help. Over the past 24 hours politicians, and celebrities across the world have demanded her release. Over 8,000 of our supporters have emailed UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon and ASEAN leaders calling for immediate action to secure the release of Aung San Suu Kyi.

TWO ACTIONS FOR AUNG SAN SUU KYI

DEMONSTRATE

On Monday 18th May, there will be a global day of action for Aung San Suu Kyi. We will hold a demonstration between 12 and 1pm in front of the Burmese Embassy in London to demand the release of Aung San Suu Kyi and all of Burma’s political prisoners. Please come and show your support. Find out more here. If you are not in the UK, contact your local Burma Campaign here. (Just don't berate the poor Bobbies there to keep the peace - some of us do support the cause ~ ed.)

SUPPORT OUR WORK

If you can’t join the demonstration, then please help us at this crucial time by making a donation. Supporting us is one of the most effective ways of supporting the struggle to free Burma. You can donate online here.

Aung San Suu Kyi has been detained for more than 13 years just for peacefully calling for freedom and democracy. She urgently needs our help or she faces spending the rest of her life in prison.

Please make a donation today to support our important work.
Thank you for your continued support.

Anna Roberts
Director
Burma Campaign UK

Today, apparently an undercover BBC correspondent in Myanmar has reported that, "People here are very angry."

Angry?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Facebook is racist

2009-05-14T23:54:00.010+01:00

Vaguely nationalistic Scottish users of Facebook have long been annoyed that there is no location option for Scottish towns and cities to be identified as in Scotland rather than the United Kingdom.

Unionists will have been OK with that, but Facebook have caused a right stooshie in God's own country as now any Scottish (and I'm led to believe Welsh) city or town is now listed as being in England.

Our American cousins often mistakenly call Great Britain, England, so it is to be expected.......

......... or has Gordon Broon (far are ye fae loon?) sold us off to the south to pay for Westminster's bathplugs and swimming pool repairs?

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Poor Pieman

2009-05-14T18:03:00.003+01:00

Only a Dundonian could complain aboot the cost of pehs.

© MacNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities?

2009-05-09T06:18:00.003+01:00

This has nothing to do with Top Ten crimes etc, but reveals the wonderful world of Karen Matthews' thought processes.

Isn't it heart-warming to know she's loved up again.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

I'll drink to that!

2009-05-09T04:43:00.004+01:00

A while back I wrote about problems with funding a local alcohol support service.

I am genuinely glad to hear that the funding has been further supported.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Anyone spot this on a front page?

2009-05-06T01:31:00.005+01:00

Cop mowed down by balaclava wearing Scooby driver. Yawn.

NOT VERY NEWSWORTHY IS IT?

Get well soon David.

H/T to the Pink Quine for spotting it in the depths of rural news from south of the border, but on a lighter note she found a cracker from our colleagues in Denmark which surpasses even the flip flops farce.

Published by Toy Town™ Times

What a May Day

2009-05-01T14:50:00.002+01:00

Be it Facebook, Twitter or the meeja, abidy is bleetering on aboot and fair chuffed 'at they're ha'en a lang weekend aff. Not for me and yon yins in the Emergency Services.

Enjoy, but be nice, please!

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Shake ups

2009-04-29T11:07:00.004+01:00

Apparently, I was looking a little dated and I have been revamped for the digital age. I was particularly pleased to hear that "Noddy will also have some new vehicles at his disposal - including a helicopter and a monster truck - to help him get around Toy Town."

The Torygraph goes further and tells me that I will "get to have a few adventures down by the harbour." Anyone who lives in Toy Town™ will know that ain't exactly somewhere I should be adventuring. I'm apparently in line for a submarine too. I know it is alleged to be damp round these parts, but that is taking the p....

Meanwhile, Mr Plod drew this latest result of HMG brainstorming to my attention. He told me a little wee came out when he read it (it's an age thing), especially when he heard Liberty were endorsing it. He also suspects there may well be a little public disappointment at the sentencing.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Too many sherries

2009-04-23T18:16:00.001+01:00

Red alert

2009-04-23T16:08:00.002+01:00

It is a well known fact that Scotland has the highest proportion of red haired individuals in the world.

But, be warned. Calling them anything other than strawberry blonde may result in hate crime procedures and anti-discriminatory action.

Having read (sic) the article, I wonder if there might not have been another meaning to the Twitter comments and that might explain the suspension.

And, as a warning, my Central Belt cousins had better come up with a new name for fizzy pop.

Is no one allowed to tease any more?

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

True Guardian

2009-04-18T09:12:00.009+01:00

I had been keeping my powder dry before launching a vicious assault upon the unbalanced, intemperate, prejudicial, trial by meeja, agenda based, G20 'reporting' by what used to be a respected if badly typo graphed newspaper.

Whilst not wishing to jump on the bandwagon and point out that some folk, with the aforementioned agendas, do not even mention this tragic event at all on their front page - strange that....not, I am genuinely appalled at the general apathy shown towards this matter by all of the media outlets. There are times (sic) when you begin to wonder whether it is all worth it.

So to redress the balance, here's the headline.

TO GARY TOMS' FAMILY, FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES - MY PRAYERS ARE RESERVED FOR YOU TODAY.

Even our Home Secretary cannot bring herself to pass on any form of personal regret or condolence. Sky did manage to be one of the few media outlets to include this somewhat dismissive quote.....

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said: "Such events highlight the dangers that police officers face every day on the frontline protecting the public."

Now to my editorial notes.....

Like I said, I was keeping my powder dry until the IPCC did its job regarding the various incidents down south, but the camel's back finally broke when a) the media ignored Gary's death b) Sky News jumped onto the Grauniad's bandwagon of intemperate, misleading and unchallenged language in its reporting.

Once upon a time, I took a degree in Politics and Economics. Once upon a time I considered a career as a Journalist. Then I grew up and joined the real world, where actions speak louder than words.

However, my tertiary education wasn't entirely wasted, because one of the fundamental attributes of any scholar should be the ability to analyse impartially any evidence provided to support a case or proposition.

I have been monitoring closely the Grauniad's selective reporting over the G20 matters. It is abundantly clear that they have an Agenda and all their reporting is fixated on 'spinning' their line. There is no impartiality at all and, as such, any support that they may have wished to engender in respect of questioning the Police tactics and role in keeping the peace at such demonstrations, is lost. Any valid points they may have made are now lost in poorly disguised vitriol.

Let's look at the FACTS.

Ian Tomlinson died. Tragedy, for his family and friends.

First PM without the benefit of hindsight and information re 'contact' with Police suggests a heart attack.

Grauniad obtains 'impartial' witness evidence and video of Police 'contact' with Mr Tomlinson. After making hay with same, passes same to IPCC.

Second PM, with hindsight, finds internal bleeding the prime cause of death.

Now, let's look at the possibilities.....

The second PM has, as far as I'm aware, not suggested any cause for the mass bleed.

There was considerable 'contact' with Mr Tomlinson before his death, not all of it reported by the Grauniad. One might be cynical and suggest that this didn't quite fit the 'just walking home' role in the events, so let's just gloss over that shall we.

The family's lawyer has described the videod contact with the TSG officer as follows;

Jules Carey, the lawyer acting for Tomlinson's family, said: "The video footage of the unprovoked and vicious assault on Ian by the police officer would easily justify charges of assault being brought against the officer. The findings of Dr Nat Cary significantly increase the likelihood that the officer will now face the more serious charge of manslaughter."

Is it just me, but how come this lawyer can use the adjectives 'unprovoked' and 'vicious' before the result of the IPCC investigation is published? Similarly, the inflammatory use of 'easily justify charges of assault' is a case of suggesting guilt before the presumption of innocence.

Later in the same article we are advised that there was;

Immediate reaction from politicians to the second postmortem result with demands that the inquiry be pursued as a matter of urgency. Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman, described it as an "alarming finding". He added: "It suggests that Mr Tomlinson's treatment by the police officer caught on video may have been the final contributing factor in his death. These findings put further pressure on the IPCC to investigate this matter with all urgency." Boris Johnson, the London mayor and chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority, urged the IPCC to be open and quick. "There must now be a fast and transparent conclusion to the IPCC investigation, with the full and urgent cooperation of all involved," he said. "It is vital that everyone takes care not to prejudice either the ongoing IPCC investigation or indeed any future criminal proceedings that may arise. "The Met receive and deserve the overwhelming support of the people of London, but the family of Ian Tomlinson need answers and so do Londoners."

I'm not surprised in the choice of Politicians sought to spout on behalf of the Grauniad and Mr Huhne has an amazing medical and pathology knowledge if he can extrapolate that the last 'contact' can be considered the 'final contributing factor' in Mr Tomlinson's death.

Having said that, Boris gets it spot on for a change! "It is vital that everyone takes care not to prejudice either the ongoing IPCC investigation or indeed any future criminal proceedings that may arise." Couldn't have put it better myself.

Meanwhile over at Sky........

.........Exaggeration is rife.

Oh, and am I being cynical when the term animal rights supporter pops up and I think... no job then to describe yourself by then, eh?

I was tickled by her being upset that a horrible man thing attacked her ladyship though! Does she not know we are totally diverse today when we chose who to thrash the living daylights out of.

All this goes to show is don't believe everything you read in the media and more importantly read between the lines!

Indeed, if the Police do not get any form of reassurance in situations like these that their often thankless job entails difficult split second decisions and reactive action, then those lines may just head off home, because any action seems to meet with an unequal reaction thereafter.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Times are Hard

2009-04-01T22:50:00.005+01:00

Once upon a time your city worker would be waving his wadge of multiple sterling notes. Nowadays, it seems all that can be afforded is a tenner.

To quote - "City workers leaned out of windows and waved £10 notes at demonstrators on the streets below, who responded with jeers and shouts."

While I'm on the subject, here's a positive note from the same article -

Sky News security expert Crispin Black said he was very impressed with the way police had defused the situation by refusing to rise to provocation.

"I think the police have been very skilled," he said.

"The way they moved people away from the RBS branch was very clever, and the way the temperature has cooled down there is testament to their skill."

I will be keeping tabs on the happenings down south.

To my colleagues in the Smoke, stay safe and wear a hard hat!

News Roundup

2009-04-01T00:09:00.001+01:00

April Fool's day came early to Toy Town™ as the local Hazmat incident team swung into full farce.

If weeds could read, they would be killing themselves laughing.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Bottoms Up.

2009-03-31T23:50:00.002+01:00

Some time ago, well actually over three years ago, I posted this.

It was my turn recently to reach the wrong side of the half-century.

I was the lucky recipient of a new all singing and dancing laptop (had to be very careful not to spoonerise that one) since my desktop has been upgraded to the max after it was bought in 2000. I also received a fair few bottles of uisge-beatha. I am amazed how folk know what to buy me!

Whilst out for a meal to commiserate with friends (I hired a telephone kiosk), I was advised by one of the assembled crumblies that I was to wait with trepidation for a wee parcel from the Health Board now that I was officially reognised as old and decrepit and apparently therefore a coffin dodger. I was given the heads up in respect of the fact that I would receive a poop collection kit for my good self to send a sample off to check my bowels, colon and other unmentionables were not suddenly collapsing or riddled with some awful disease now that I had reached THAT age.

Now let me assure you that reaching ....... it's still hard to say it...... 'L' will do ...... is painful enough without indeed receiving said kit a mere 3 days after my birthday. Can't they give us a period of grace?

Just to show how grateful I am, I will wait till my effluent is at its most pungent and then despatch it to those who have a really good jobbie! That'll learn 'em.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Freeloading

2009-03-31T16:56:00.004+01:00

What with all sorts getting their media free of charge lately I thought I'd be of public service.

Don't know if you've discovered SPOTIFY.

Try it and see why I'm hooked.

If you want to lug in to the sharn I listen to you can click here once you have the software downloaded.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Priorities

2009-03-26T21:21:00.004Z

200 weeks offered this piece of customer service prioritisation.

I noted that some bloke in our capital city had a few windaes smashed and an accordion was flung round his hoose as the CID descended to investigate.

Now, no doubt there will be a major incident cell set up to investigate this as well. I expect full cooperation from the spooks and thus best value for money for the taxpayer.

I also live in an imaginary world.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

New Charity

2009-03-26T18:53:00.005Z

I need £300 sharpish.

Any donors out there?

Goodwinner and McNumpty, you have some spare cash I believe.

p.s. I cautioned myself against references to a nip as this might have been considered non-diverse.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Branded.

2009-03-26T10:38:00.004Z

Those of you who make it to the bottom of my front page (so that would be no-one - ed.) will see that I post a link to the ever wonderful Being 5 comic strip.

Those of you old enough to appreciate the targeted wit involved in this treatise on the generation gap will also grasp the reference to one of Alf Garnett's catchphrases I have utilised as the post header.

The latest strip rightly deserves a top billing.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Porridge and Pron

2009-03-25T16:19:00.004Z

Times are hard for the residents within the establishments of the SPS.

It seems the incarcerated are to have their individual rights subordinated to the greater rights of the possibly offended.

It will be interesting to see if hard core pron will now make it onto the list of contraband regularly smuggled into pokey.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Revenue streams?

2009-03-25T16:07:00.004Z

Despite the instructions in my previous post on hyperbole, here is a fine example of partnership working in Toyland™.

In visionary mode I would happily, for two grand, construct a cludgie in my backie, thus pooling resources and capacity building.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Predictable

2009-03-20T14:29:00.003Z

This was inevitable!

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

To be serious for a moment

2009-03-20T12:46:00.003Z

Occasionally I post about matters relating to autism.

Occasionally I come across a genuinely well written, sober, thought provoking article.

This article speaks for itself, which is more than can be said for Sky.

For more on this read here.

© Noddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Burns Night in Buckie

2009-03-19T19:37:00.005Z

Locals would hardly describe Buckie as a hot spot, but one local hostelry is doing its level best to offer customers a little extra.

I particularly liked the locals name for the establishment. Hardly inspiring. Perhaps the landlord would be better off dimming the lights completely.

© Chill Bill
Published by Toy Town™ Times

It's a Shame I work in Toytown, because.....

2009-03-19T16:40:00.006Z

......Toyland, far I bide, has topped the list of rural places with the best quality of life in Scotland – for the second year running.

And in the whole of the UK, Toyland also comes in second place.

With a high life expectancy, low unemployment rates and great weather*, Toyland shot to the top of the quality of life rankings.

And Toyland residents agree with the Bank of Scotland survey which looks at all aspects of life from traffic flow to crime statistics.

Lynda Forrest, from Banchory’s sweet and ice-cream shop Continental Cream, was born and brought up in the area – and loves it!

The 49-year-old, who lives in Crathes, said: “Living in the countryside is relaxing with a great quality of life. It is a great place for work and leisure The only drawback is that with people wanting to live here, it is expensive.”

The Bank of Scotland survey confirmed house prices were high compared to the rest of the country.

The survey also named Toyland as top spot last year.

To celebrate, the Evening Express handed out Smile, You’re In Toyland stickers.

The campaign was backed by Donald Trump who chose Balmedie for his new world-class golf resort.

The only place that beat Toyland in the quality of life ratings in the whole of the UK was Monmouthshire in Wales.

Must be something to do with the sheep.

* - great weather? I beg to disagree!

© McNoddy
Published by Toy Town™ Times

Hyperbole

2009-03-19T08:56:00.009Z

In a joined up, multi-agency, partnership approach, I speculate as to whether my own employers will be visionary enough to take on board this initiative.

Spotting these could be the basis of a new game to amuse yourself at any face-to-face engagements with our stakeholders or at team empowerment meetings.

Shouldn't be difficult as it is a long list of all-encompassing hyperbollox. Do feel free to add any other gems you have to deal with in your own particular sphere of employment and do cascade this piece of information through your own partnerships and networks.

Do you recognise any of these at your workplace?

(Comments always welcomed).

Across-the-piece

Actioned

Advocate

Agencies

Ambassador

Area based

Area focused

Autonomous

Baseline

Beacon

Benchmarking

Best Practice

Blue sky thinking

Bottom-Up

CAAs

Can do culture

Capabilities

Capacity

Capacity building

Cascading

Cautiously welcome

Challenge

Champion

Citizen empowerment

Client

Cohesive communities

Cohesiveness

Collaboration

Commissioning

Community engagement

Compact

Conditionality

Consensual

Contestability

Contextual

Core developments

Core Message

Core principles

Core Value

Coterminosity

Coterminous

Cross-cutting

Cross-fertilisation

Customer

Democratic legitimacy

Democratic mandate

Dialogue

Direction of travel

Distorts spending priorities

Double devolution

Downstream

Early Win

Edge-fit

Embedded

Empowerment

Enabler

Engagement

Engaging users

Enhance

Evidence Base

Exemplar

External challenge

Facilitate

Fast-Track

Flex

Flexibilities and Freedoms

Framework

Fulcrum

Functionality

Funding streams

Gateway review

Going forward

Good practice

Governance

Guidelines

Holistic

Holistic governance

Horizon scanning

Improvement levers

Incentivising

Income streams

Indicators

Initiative

Innovative capacity

Inspectorates

Interdepartmental

Interface

Iteration

Joined up

Joint working

LAAs

Level playing field

Lever

Leverage

Localities

Lowlights

MAAs

Mainstreaming

Management capacity

Meaningful consultation

Meaningful dialogue

Mechanisms

Menu of Options

Multi-agency

Multidisciplinary

Municipalities

Network model

Normalising

Outcomes

Output

Outsourced

Overarching

Paradigm

Parameter

Participatory

Partnership working

Partnerships

Pathfinder

Peer challenge

Performance Network

Place shaping

Pooled budgets

Pooled resources

Pooled risk

Populace

Potentialities

Practitioners

Predictors of Beaconicity

Preventative services

Prioritization

Priority

Proactive

Process driven

Procure

Procurement

Promulgate

Proportionality

Protocol

Provider vehicles

Quantum

Quick hit

Quick win

Rationalisation

Rebaselining

Reconfigured

Resource allocation

Revenue Streams

Risk based

Robust

Scaled-back

Scoping

Sector wise

Seedbed

Self-aggrandizement

Service users

Shared priority

Shell developments

Signpost

Single conversations

Single point of contact

Situational

Slippage

Social contracts

Social exclusion

Spatial

Stakeholder

Step change

Strategic

Strategic priorities

Streamlined

Sub-regional

Subsidiarity

Sustainable

Sustainable communities

Symposium

Synergies

Systematics

Taxonomy

Tested for Soundness

Thematic

Thinking outside of the box

Third sector

Toolkit

Top-down

Trajectory

Tranche

Transactional

Transformational

Transparency

Upstream

Upward trend

Utilise

Value-added

Vision

Visionary

Welcome

Wellbeing

Worklessness

Published by Toy Town™ Times

Please sign this

2009-03-19T01:45:00.000Z

A quick post

2009-03-10T09:59:00.002Z

My thoughts are with the PSNI and their kith and kin just now after the latest atrocity across the water.

Keep safe guys and girls.

© Mr Plod
Published by Toy Town™ Times

OMG ....

2009-02-20T16:40:00.001Z

.... the hornies over the pond get stuck right into their feral yoofs.

FOMCL.

Every little (person) helps

2009-02-16T22:05:00.002Z

For the eagle-eyed.

What a load of snowballs

2009-02-13T12:04:00.009Z

This is brilliantly daft!

This collieshangie, as reported by the Beeb, is.... well just add your thoughts below.

... for safe virtual fun try this.